First of all, this book does not contain any sexually graphic images or extreme language, though some of the teachings do employ erotic metaphor and figurative prose. Nor is this a tantric how-to-do-it manual. However, in this book are plenty of practical ideas and new ways to experience the love relationship and the love ritual. This book is more about unique kinds of experience – different perspectives, attitudes, and ways of being in the love ritual. Moreover, it's about understanding oneself and the other. The emphasis is mostly on increasing one's understanding of the spiritual powers and energies potentially involved in the love-sex experience, and also having an attitude of spontaneity and exploration, so that we one is always in wonder and discovery in the magic of love. Yet any real learning about this whole subject, as well as any increase of one's love powers, will have to come from personal experience – from exploration and discovery. All that this teaching can provide are ideas and suggestions to explore.
This book is primarily about the powers and qualities of Goddesses – in relation to sexual love and the love ritual. Our main focus here is on four love Goddesses, their unique powers and qualities, as well as their unique attitudes and approaches in the love-sex relationship, as manifested through a woman. These goddesses can also be understood as love archetypes; each with a distinctly unique power and quality, attitude and approach. Each woman will recognize at least one of these goddesses in her self-experience, perhaps even a few, or maybe all four goddesses in varying degrees. Therefore, this book will give woman a better understanding of herself in relation to love and sex. For a man, this study will help him better understand the potential powers and qualities of woman in the love dynamic. Yet man too can recognize these goddess qualities in himself, because most essentially these are universal spiritual potentials in each of us.
The overall perspective in these teachings is from Indian tantra; yet the understanding derived from these teachings is universal and of practical significance to anyone, no matter what beliefs or religion or spirituality one has. The four love Goddesses have Indian names and have been revered for centuries. But this is not an academic nor sociological study of these goddesses. This is not a review of who they are in Indian mythology, nor is this necessarily how most worshipers usually think of them. Our goddess study here is from the tantric perspective, in relation to love and the love ritual. It's about how their unique qualities enter into love-sex relationships. But there is much more that goes along with this, and many important teachings of tantra will be revealed that are universally significant and usefully practical. The theme of balance is also considered, the potential balance of all these goddess qualities in oneself, leading to a realized and actualized wholeness of being.
Part Two focuses on the Great Goddess Shakti and her relationship with Shiva, but there are also chapters on the special goddesses Kali and Maya, and some other related topics. Yet none of this is an ordinary or academic study; rather, the intention is to enlighten the reader in more depth about these spiritual powers and how all of this is relevant to our love relationship. Part Three focuses on the sacredness of each other and how to spiritually experience one another.
The Great Goddess, of which woman is potentially a reflection, can manifest in love relations in four fundamental ways. All of these are divine expressions of Shakti – the Great Goddess. They are, in a sense, different faces of the One Goddess. In tantra teachings there is one ultimate Goddess, Shakti, who manifests or expresses as different goddesses – Her different ways of being or different forms of expression.
The goddess expressions of Parvati, Durga, Lakshmi, and Saraswati are the four powers, attitudes and approaches of Shakti love power. The Great Goddess can manifest in many more ways, so these are not the only kinds of goddess expression, yet these are the four primary goddesses found in sexual love relations. Each have their own distinct quality and power in love relations. In addition, each of these four are complementing to one another. Each stands at one of the four directions of a Great Circle, so each of the goddesses is a polar but complementing opposite to one of the others.
Another divine Goddess, Radha, is also mentioned at times. In the Hindu tradition Radha is highly revered as a love goddess and as the favorite of Krishna. In the esoteric tantra Radha is also revered as a love goddess, but she is specially revered as being a spiritual balance of all goddess qualities in a love relationship, so she is not one of the goddesses of the four directions. She and Krishna are the exemplary love couple, based on their deep heart love and dedicated care for one another, as well as their intense enjoyment of each other.
Another goddess of love will also be considered, which is Kali, but She only emerges into the love ritual when the energies are most intense and the lovers most absorbed. Kali leads all lovers, all goddesses and all gods, back to union with Shakti Herself, back to complete Divine Union. Both Kali and Maya are discussed in Part Two, along with Shakti and Shiva.
In the most common world understanding of Goddesses, there are two major Goddesses. These are the Mother Goddess and the Love Goddess. In any part of the world these two types of Goddess are understood, since anyone can easily understand woman as being an expression of either Mother or Lover. Both of these goddess types are known in tantra teachings, and both are Shakti goddesses, as all goddesses are. Each is a different way of expression for Shakti – a different kind of Shakti power. Both are revered and adored.
Shakti, as the Mother Goddess, is the Mother of all life – She is the universal-primal vital and creative energy, the vital life energy of nature. And as well, Shakti Mother (Maha-Shakti) is the Mothering Power of all mothers. But in the tantra teachings involving sexual love, the Love Goddess is the obvious goddess of interest. The Mother Goddess is, of course, a lover as well, but more in a caring and comforting way, rather than sexual. The Mother goddess is still respected but just not relevant to this part of the tantra. However, there are qualities of the Mother Goddess which are relevant to sexual love relations and to the love ritual. This will later be discussed.
Now, besides the Mother Goddess and the Love Goddess, other universal Goddess types can also be added into our understanding. One of these is the Achieving Goddess. For it would be quite demeaning to woman to assume that she could only be a mother or only a sexual lover or a just a body of beauty. Woman can be a great achiever as well, obviously; this could be in business or in professions, in sports or in the arts, or in any field in which a woman wishes to achieve.
Another universal goddess type is the Wisdom Goddess, who can be seen in woman in a few ways; sometimes as the mature wise woman, sometimes as the healer, sometimes as the seer or oracle, sometimes as a religious mystic, or sometimes as just being intelligent. All of these kinds of wisdom women involve an essential aspect of all wisdom, which is love. The Healing Goddess could be distinctly identified as a unique goddess type, but in these teachings we include her as a potential aspect of the Wisdom Goddess.
One more universal goddess to mention is the Goddess of Arts, or the Artistic Goddess. From this goddess come the essential talents of an artist, musician, poet, etc. But as well, this goddess brings to people the qualities of an artist, the essential qualities of an artistic person, which will be discussed more in depth.
Now in considering the goddesses of Achievement, Wisdom, and the Arts; all of these goddesses can be inspirational powers for both women and men. So even though the goddesses might seem to be related to women more than men, all of the goddesses are most fundamentally universal rather than 'gender restricted'. This would be most obvious in regards to the divine powers of Achievement, Wisdom, and Artistry; since men and women can equally express these powers. Yet in addition, even a man can express Motherly kinds of qualities in relation to caring for others. And of course men can be Lovers, just as equally as women. Men can even express the power of sexiness or the power of sexual attraction. Therefore, men as well as women can acquire these universal powers, or qualities, and also thus relate to the goddesses in a self-identifying way in conjunction with seeing these goddesses in women. This will be later considered in more depth.
But how are these many goddesses, or goddess powers, related to
sexual love relationships and specifically to the love ritual itself?
This is our main focus.
Each of these fundamental Goddesses bring unique Qualities into a love ritual, and in this tantric study we are most interested in just these Qualities. We are not interested in all of the many powers and skills that a woman might bring into expression; we are just interested in what pertains to love and the love ritual.
Obviously, the Mother and the Achiever and also the Artist are not always involved with love-sexual relations. A woman's whole life (or a man's) is not just centered on having sex or finding enjoyment in mutual loving. Love-sex is not the main context for the Mother goddess, the Achieving goddess, nor the Wisdom and Artist goddess. It is only the Love-Sex goddess who's orientation is mainly sexual love. Yet, all of the goddesses have qualities which can provide a unique attitude and enhancement in sexual love.
We can admire and hold in reverence the mother goddess, and we can admire the mothering qualities of every mother; but here we are not interested in a woman as mother, because it's irrelevant to our topic. Yet we are interested in any unique qualities that the mother goddess might bring to the love ritual. So what we want to consider are the unique qualities, as found within each of the great goddesses types, that can be relevant and expressive in the love ritual.
The Mother Goddess is best known for her mothering and especially taking care of her children. But if we consider her unique qualities, we can see that many of these qualities can be relevant and applicable to the dynamics of a sexual love relationship; as for example, compassion, concern, caring, and givingness. All of these qualities, as derived from the Mother Goddess, can be very pleasing qualities in the love ritual, especially her unselfish giving and sincere concern about the lover's enjoyment and experience of being loved. This does not mean that the man sees his mother in this type of lover, nor that he sees his lover as a kind of mother for him. It just means that certain essential qualities inherent in the mother goddess can be applied in love-making and sexual ritual, rather than being only applicable to mothering. So in our tantric studies, we need to parse out each of the goddess qualities that are most relevant to our particular theme of love-sex relations and the love ritual.
In regards to the Achieving Goddess, she will mainly express in the wider world, but she can also apply her achieving skills in the love-sex dynamics. This does not mean that she'll have a notebook and appointment calendar handy while making love; hopefully not. Yet nonetheless, she'll tend to bring her practical-minded qualities into use, meaning that she might even be a kind of planner about when and how the love will be. She might even want to make a certain schedule or routine for a love time. She might even have definite steps in mind about how she will achieve a successful love experience. And finally, she will bring into use her achieving assertiveness, or 'make things happen' kind of attitude, which she has already found to be a key to being successful in other aspects of life. So as long as all of her achievement-oriented traits do not get too far extreme in the love-sex dynamic, this goddess can do pretty well in sex and also be an enjoyment to the man.
Next, in regards to the Wisdom Goddesses, her wisdom is essentially about love, but she will mainly express in the world without being particularly sexy about it, and her main expressive contexts may not revolve around the love-sex dynamic. And yet, the many potential qualities of wisdom can enter into a love and sex relationship.
This doesn't mean, necessarily, that the goddess of wisdom will be acting like a wise teacher for the man, explaining or showing him her vast knowledge of how to make love. There is nothing wrong with sharing one's wisdom and experience, nor is there anything wrong with a woman being teacher to a man in the art of love, but this is not mainly what the wisdom goddess is all about. Rather, she brings her ability to be fully present in the love ritual and receptively open to who the man is. These are the qualities of wisdom that are most important to love relations and rituals. Being a wise teacher or sharing one's knowledge is not as important; and generally speaking, neither lover should be verbalizing all their 'wisdom' while in the better parts of the love ritual, for this would be quite annoying.
In regards to the Artistic Goddess, she has many qualities which can enhance any love or sexual relationship. She can bring artistic passion and creativity into the love ritual. She can bring her openness to explore the realms of possibility, being creatively imaginative, and perhaps even playful. These are possible qualities of the artistic goddess that are particularly significant to the love ritual.
A woman or a man might be a talented musician or visionary artistic, which can be shared and appreciated in love relationships, but their specific artistic talents are not really relevant in the love ritual. A man might seduce a woman with his romantic guitar but he ought to abandon the guitar while in bed; though any spontaneous love poetry can often enhance the love experience. So in the ritual ritual, after the courtship or seduction phase, we are not so interested in our partner's specific talents in the arts, but rather this is the time for more fundamental artistic qualities to emerge.
Now finally, in regards to the Love Goddess, it is quite obvious that she is involved with love relations, which usually includes sexual relations. But it is important to make clear that each of the four goddesses of our study must be regarded as love-sex goddesses, rather than just one in particular, because this is the special aspect of each goddess type that we are interested in.
So now we will abandon any more discussion about the Mother Goddess, except in how some of her essential qualities might express in a sexual relationship or as a sexual lover. We can still admire and sincerely respect the Mother Goddess in her expression of being a mother, or as being the Great Mother of all life; yet in the context of our study here, we are only interested in how some of her beautiful qualities are applicable to the love-sex ritual.
We can admire all of the goddesses for all the many powers and qualities they bring to so many aspects of life; but for our study here we are only interested in the sexual-love qualities of whatever goddess we are considering. So it is irrelevant to our present study how well an Achieving Goddess achieves or succeeds in the economic world; we are only relevantly interested in how she achieves in love. Same is true for the Artistic-Wisdom Goddess. We are now only interested in how Her qualities express and effect the love relation and ritual. Thus, all of the four Goddesses to be described are each love-sex goddesses; since that is the very aspect of each one that will be discussed.
The goddess powers are real. They are real within the collective psyche of all women and also all men; or in another way to understand it, they are real in the spiritual dimension of reality which 'subjectively permeates' this physical reality. These spiritual powers and qualities are real in themselves, yet they will appear and manifest somewhat uniquely for each culture and even for each person. Thus, we all share in a common, overall dynamic of spiritual energies, including the goddesses; yet each experience of 'how this is' (whether individual or cultural) will depend of a perspective - because any personal experience will have some kind of relative perspective or point of view.
Each goddess is a unique composite of spiritual powers and qualities. One could understand a goddess as containing and also expressing certain powers and qualities; not just trivial powers and qualities, but the most fundamental of what is spiritually potential in each human being. Yet to be more precise metaphysically, the goddess is the power and is quality. The power and quality are the same; it's just that sometimes we recognize the power of a quality, while other times we recognize the quality of a power. So, goddess, power, and quality are all really the same.
Also to keep in mind is the special way that goddesses are, which is that each is not completely separate from the others. Our normal way of understanding people is that each is a separate being, but with goddesses (as with all spiritual powers, beings, qualities) they are somewhat intertwined and blended with one another. In fact, as will be discussed later on, each goddess has some of the others in it, which makes it possible for any particular goddess to perceive inside her any of the other goddesses, which then also adds in a potential for synthesis, integration, and wholeness.
This spiritual principle of everyone reflected in each one, and of powers within powers, is because all of the spiritual powers (or goddesses) are the various reflected aspects (or faces) of the One Supreme Goddess, who is really the One Being from whom all beings emerge. Thus, all goddesses are spiritual reflections, expressions, powers, qualities, and manifestations of the One. So because of this, any of the goddesses can discover in her own particular being all of the other goddesses and even the whole Universal Being Herself. In tantra, then, all beings come from the Divine Womb of Shakti, and thus carry in them Her Essence, and each being is a unique particular reflection of Her.
Furthermore, some of the goddesses are more comprehensive than others. Metaphysically, this could be called the hierarchy of goddesses. In tantra it is called the Royal Court. What this means is that one goddess might contain a number of goddesses; or that a number of particular goddesses might be contained in the comprehensive Being of a 'Greater' Goddess (a 'Larger' goddess - though not actually referring to her waist or breast size).
For example, the Goddess of Wisdom contains in Her a multitude of wisdom-goddesses, each with a particularly unique aspect of Wisdom; so these wisdom goddesses could be understood as aspects of the great Wisdom Goddess - Who is an aspect (Power/Quality/Reflection) of the Supreme Goddess Herself (The Self from which all others emerge).
The Artistic Goddess, or Goddess of the Arts, will comprehensively include (in Her Being) a multitude of goddess aspects, each one being the particular goddess power of a particular kind of art or talent. Further to keep in mind in one's metaphysical understanding, the Artistic Goddess and the Wisdom Goddess can unite as one integrated Goddess, which results in an integrated quality and expression of 'Artistic Wisdom'. As an example of this, the Indian goddess, Saraswati, is Goddess of both Wisdom and the Arts. She contains and expresses an integration of wisdom qualities and artistic qualities. So both spiritual powers are in her, but when one of these is more expressive or evident than the other, then we might just see the 'goddess of wisdom' but not the 'goddess of arts', or vice versa.
Another example of a comprehensive Goddess is the Love Goddess, who brings to man (or to woman) the beautiful feelings of love. She evokes in him a passionate love for whoever he sees as a reflection of Her or for whoever is manifesting this Love Power and being the evocative agent of the Love Goddess. The Love Goddess, and all of her individual expressive reflections, bring men (or women) into passionate enchantment and intense attraction for Her. What makes her special is her power of attractive beauty and sexual energy. Each of the other goddesses are beautiful also, in their own special way, and may also have a power of sexual attraction; but the love-goddess quality is predominately beauty and sexual attraction – in what could be called a classical sense.
Yet the Love Goddess, in Her most comprehensive fullness, is more than just a power of enchanting attraction. Her power of enchantment and attraction is certainly one of the Love Powers, but not all, since Love (in its most comprehensive meaning) has a great breadth of multiple qualities or aspects, which we can realize in our personal experiences of love relations. For example, a man experiences love for a woman in many ways, or we could say that a woman can be loved for many reasons. A man might see in a woman great beauty, which attracts him and perhaps even enchants him. Her beauty evokes his love for her, and this may evoke his sexual desire for her as well. But this is not, obviously, the only meaning of love, nor is it the only power of love. For there are many possible reasons for a man to love a woman, (as in 'I love her for this' and that and that), which mirrors the many various powers and qualities of love.
So Love is a very Big Power and thus, the Goddess of Love, in the Full meaning of Who She is, is a very comprehensive Goddess, Who includes a whole clan of more specific goddess. This will be important in our understanding of the many love-goddess types, who are most relevant to this tantric discussion. For in this specific topic of tantra, we are most interested in the goddess types, or goddess powers, which most fundamentally enter into love relationships, with even more specific focus on love-sex relations and how different goddesses enter into the love-sex ritual.
Therefore, all of the goddesses discussed in these teachings are, in fact, love goddesses, since the specific interest-focus in these discussions will be the sexual-love quality of any Goddess.
Overall, love and sex can be distinguished, though of course they are both quite related. One could make a distinction between the Love Goddess and the Sex Goddess, but such a distinction would start to blur in regards to sexual-love relations and to the love-sex ritual, because love and sex so often blend together.
The Love Goddess could just as well be called the Sex Goddess, because she evokes a sexual energy and desire, as much as she evokes an atmosphere of love. For example, when a man calls a woman a “love goddess” he usually means that he is sexually attracted to her or that she brings sexual enjoyment; he doesn't just mean that she is a sweet caregiver or is motherly to him. So without any potential sex implied, or without any sexual love feelings or sexual attraction involved, the very meaning of a 'Love Goddess' pretty much disappears. In other words, sexual energies are already implied in what one usually means when speaking about a Love Goddess.
But of course, the larger meaning of a Love Goddess is more than just about sex or looking sexy hot, because a true Love Goddess has the power to evoke real love and even devotion from a man's heart, not just evoke his sexual desire. Moreover, a Love Goddess does not necessarily have to dress or act 'sexy', because her power to induce love and attraction could be much more subtle.
So we could make a distinction between a Sex goddess and Love goddess, with the Love goddess implying sexual energies yet being more than just about sex, while the Sex goddess might not necessarily evoke love in one's heart. For a Sex goddess (without the love) might just be an enchanting teaser or a kind of sex-object for man, or a sexual playmate but without much heart in it. So a Love goddess would also include being a Sex goddess (of some degree), but a Sex goddess might not necessarily be a Love goddess as well.
A Love goddess is thus more complete and powerful than just a Sex goddess, and a Love goddess will be a more fulfilling sexual lover, able to bring out from the man both his heart love and his sexual desire. Yet we should not underestimate the power of a Sex goddess, for she can enchant a man to give himself to her, and she may even transform at some time into being the greater Love goddess. So we can make some distinction between the Love and Sex goddesses; but in these love-sex teachings both will be regarded as one great Love Goddess – with sexual power and attractiveness included.
All of the four goddesses in our study are love and sex goddesses, because each brings forth a uniquely different quality, attitude, approach, and style into their love and sex.
In terms of love and sex, the subjects of our interest here, the love-sex qualities of the Mother Goddess are expressed in Parvati as the caring and comforting woman, who is a selfless giver of enjoyment to her partner.
In terms of love and sex, the Achieving Goddess is represented in Durga, who is an assertive/achieving type of love partner, always heading towards what she wants and how she wants it. In common understanding Durga is a warrior goddess who fights injustices to human rights, or is sometimes referred to as a Huntress. But as a love and sex goddess her power-quality is to achieve what she wishes by her assertiveness. She is the very opposite of passivity and indifference.
In regards to the Wisdom and Artistic Goddesses, these tantra teachings combine both into one great Artistic-Wisdom goddess, known as Saraswati, who is the Goddess of Wisdom and the Arts. Both wisdom and artistic qualities can enter into any love relationship and also into the love-sex ritual. Wisdom and Artistic qualities are intimately related, for there is wisdom in artistic talent and also in the artistic attitude and way of seeing life.
Everyone can understand how wisdom and artistry are potential aspects of a love relationship. Wisdom brings insight into the relationship, because wisdom is an ability to see what is really there and also an ability to realize what is most important. This is a very special power, or ability, because without any wisdom a person does not see what's really going on and thus often gets all caught up in their illusions about what's going on. And without wisdom a person fails to realize what's most important, or what's more important than other stuff, and thus that person (or both partners) will tend to get all caught up in the little stuff, the less important stuff, rather than work on the larger values or the more essential goals in a relationship - such as the quality and enjoyment of it.
From this understanding about wisdom, then, how does wisdom enter into the love ritual? More will later be discussed on this; but briefly, the insight of wisdom, the ability to see the other as he or she really is, in each moment, and also realize what is most important in each moment, will add a greater quality to any lovemaking and it might also be essential to even getting it all going.
The power of an artistic attitude can also be significant to a love ritual. This is an attitude of openness and exploration of what is new or possible, and it also involves the creative imagination. These explorative and imaginative qualities of the artistic goddess can helpfully improve any love ritual, as perhaps one can imagine.
Each of the three goddesses just mentioned are beautiful in their own unique way, and each can be sexy in their own way. Yet the sexiest Love Goddess of all is Lakshmi, who is sexy and beautiful in the sense of being the most outwardly enchanting of all goddesses. She enchants and turns on a man with her beauty and sexual attraction. Sometimes her beauty is most enchanting, while at other times her sexiness is most enchanting, and sometimes both. So Lakshmi is the love-sex goddess in the most classical sense as being a love-sex enchantress, by the seductive power of her beauty and sexual attraction. But keep in mind that beauty can come in all shapes, sizes, and colors, so there is no set standard for what this beauty is, and in many respects it depends on the eye of the beholder, or eye of the lover.
In these teachings the quality of beauty is being attributed primarily to Lakshmi, but as already said, there is a kind of beauty in all of the goddesses. It is important in tantra that all goddesses and all women are recognized for their unique beauty.
Moreover, beauty has a much larger comprehensive meaning than just physical good looks. So there is a larger meaning of beauty, as well as a more specific concept of beauty as being aesthetically and physically attractive. This physical meaning of beauty is the beauty that is lovely to look upon, as found in the beauty of a body or a face. This physical beauty attracts and draws a man (or a woman) to kiss or be close to. This can also include the aesthetic beauty of clothes, the beauty of movement or dance, or any perceptual kind of beauty.
Yet beauty can mean more than this; or in other words, beauty can be found in other ways. There is the beauty in a way of being, such as the beauty of kindness, caring, and devotion. For example, picture a radiantly smiling woman with wonderfully beautiful facial features. Then picture the very same woman with great concern and care in her face for her child in need. These are two kinds of beauty. The former kind is the classical physical beauty of a woman (though could also be of a man) which, in both ancient and modern stories, enchants a man and draws his desire towards her. This is the Lakshmi kind of physical, sensual beauty. Yet the latter kind is the beauty of caring and concerned love, which can also be perceived but it is more essentially a quality to do with an activity or attitude or a way of being. We can call this the beauty of concerned love, and added in to this would also be the virtue qualities of selfless givingness, generosity, and service. These qualities are attributed to the goddess Parvati, and these beautiful qualities can be just as attractive to a man as the physical kind of beauty. Though Parvati can possess physical attractive beauty as well.
Another kind of beauty is the beauty of talent and skill, as can be seen, for example, in an artist, musician, or fine sports athlete. This is the beauty of a fine performance, or the skill shown in a musician, or the appreciated beauty of an artist. But of course, we can all be artists in our own way, such as anytime we bring forth our inner talents, developed skills, or our efforts to create beauty in a home or garden, etc. It can also be the beauty of someone working hard to build something or even repair something; whether this be a house or a relationship. We can call this the beauty of creativity, or creative talent, or creative work. This general quality of artistic talent is attributed to the goddess Saraswati, who is also attributed with wisdom.
There is also the beauty of intelligence and wisdom, so this is an additional kind of beauty. Intelligence and knowledge, also including practical know-how, are beautiful qualities found in both man and woman. One could even call this the beauty of a mind. And this kind of beauty is often even attractive to people. For example, a woman might even find the intelligence of a man to be a sexual attraction. And conversely, a man can also be sexually attracted to a woman with intelligence and knowledge. But if not sexually attractive, then at least these qualities evoke admiration from others and have their own special kind of attraction. So this too is a kind of beauty.
In teaching about these four goddesses, or what might be called types, it will be necessary at times to make strong emphasis on their qualities and even describe them in their extreme expressions. There is a good reason for this, which is that the quality or type can be understood better if we know its strongest expression. Then, once we understand how it is strongly, we can better recognize it in milder forms. By analogy, if one wants to learn about a type of art, then study strong or extreme examples of it, rather than examples that have a bit of this and that in them. If one wants to teach what sweetness is, then use cake or candy, rather than something mildly sweet. And we do this with archetypes as well. There is super woman who can accomplish anything, or there is Jesus who can heal anyone; and in thinking about these we get to know a way of being.
But in regular life we probably do not meet anyone who is at the far extreme. Rather, we and the people we know are not quite all one type with nothing of the other types. In a super extreme example, no one seems to be all sweet without some sour in them, and vice versa; yet it is nonetheless useful to think about an all sweet archetype or an all sour one, in order to really get to know what that general quality is. We don't meet the extreme super woman, but sometimes we recognize someone who has some of that in them. Neither do we usually meet the absolutely selfless saint, but some people approach that archetype better than others. It's because in real human life, most people are not just the extreme, not just the arche-type itself; rather, they usually have some of this and some of that in their makeup.
So in regular human life we will seldom encounter pure archetypes, or pure goddess powers in themselves. Instead we encounter women or men who have at least some sort of mixture – mixtures of the archetypal extremes, mixtures of the spiritual qualities. Hence, each person will be somewhat unique, a unique mixture of a few spiritual qualities, rather than an extreme of just one.
However, most people will be 'playing out', as it were, an attitude and behavior which has quite a lot of one archetypal quality, more than other ones. Even if a person in their general life is well balanced with many qualities, it can be noticed that one particular quality will be most present at any one moment or period of time. When this is the case, we can say that they are closer to expressing one archetype, rather than other possible types. Or in tantric terms, they are closer to one goddess more so than the others. In other words, the person is closer to being an expression of that goddess, which could range from a strongly extreme expression to a milder and subtler expression.
So if we understand the 'extremes' of possible expression in persons, which is to understand the goddesses in their extreme emphasis of quality, then we can better recognize these goddesses (as powers/qualities) in the unique nuances of a woman or man. In other words, if we are knowledgeable of a goddess type in its more extreme and strong expression, then we are better able to recognize it in less extreme, milder expressions. One needs to keep this in mind while reading the elaborated descriptions and comparisons. When reading, imagine what the quality is in itself and see it as a power in itself. Then, in practical experience, begin noticing a particular quality or power expression through someone, or playing out in someone, which will probably not be in its strongest extreme but rather in a human diluted form. And finally, begin to notice that goddess, or that quality-attitude, in oneself.
Spiritual tantra goes beyond concepts of psychological types, for it teaches that the inspirational sources of these types are actual spiritual powers and, in fact, spiritual beings who are entering into expression through the human being. One could look at this in a negative way (for one can look at anything in a negative way) and proclaim this as possession. But really, it is inspiration. The goddesses (and the gods) are spiritual inspirations and powers moving through us. This is not a case of unfortunate spirit possession, because this is just the way life is; there is no other alternative. We are the expressions of these spiritual powers and inspirations; and every type of quality and attitude that we express is inspired from the the spiritual powers of gods and goddesses. By analogy, tantra sees that the Self, or selves in a microcosmic way, is at play in the body of Maya, playing and dancing in the ever-changing world of manifestation (this world being Maya). Later on this too will be discussed.
To be at an extreme means to be fully in a particular perspective, attitude, and quality. There is nothing wrong about this; in fact, it is only when we get fully into a particular goddess archetype or perspective, and have this direct experience, that we truly understand it.
These teachings describe four fundamental perspectives, attitudes and approaches to love, which are also known as the four directions. Each of the four goddesses stand at one of the four directions of a great circle, the Circle of our Self. Being in one of these directions (or coming from that direction), means that one is approaching the lover and experiencing the love ritual in that particular way, or from that perspective, which is distinguishably different from the other three ways.
It is just fine in tantra to be one of the extremes for a while, which is to be closest to the archetype itself. Thus, there is great value in letting oneself fully experience one particular goddess or type-of-attitude. Yet there is also a pathway in tantra known as 'Moving towards the Center'. This is the possibility of developing more a balance between two or more of the goddess archetypes, and so in a sense, moving towards the center of the Circle. This is a process of coming into a finer balance between all of the spiritual qualities, thus leading towards greater wholeness of Self-realization and integrated expression. This will be discussed in another section.
So in these teachings we will study the four Powers, the four Qualities, the four Goddesses of the Circle. And in turn, we will then try to understand their potential balance. But ultimately, it is by personal experience that any of us can learn anything real. For all of this is meant to be experienced, rather than remain as just an intellectual study – which, however interesting it may be, is worthless without exploration and experience.
The Goddesses discussed in these teachings come from Indian traditions, in which there are pictures and mythological narratives associated with them, but these are not relevant to the teachings here. Fundamentally, these tantric teachings are essentially concerned with universal spiritual powers and qualities, so only in this respect are we are interested in the goddesses. Thus, the many images and stories about these goddesses are not relevant to our present discussion. And besides, these universal spiritual powers might well appear somewhat different in a different cultural setting or in a different personal experience.
Next, it could be asked, why these four goddesses, rather than others? Some people might have a favorite goddess not being mentioned here, or some people might know of a more important goddess in their own tantric experience.
Any teaching of tantra needs to give some particular names to these spiritual powers, in order to help in the understanding of them; but most fundamentally, it's the trans-cultural, universal powers/qualities that are important, rather than any specific name and associated cultural beliefs. Thus, if one wants to see these goddesses as angels, or as some other named goddesses, then this is not a big problem as along as one can mentally translate what is here into names and images that one is more comfortable with. In fact, each person will have to see, on their own, how to make all of this personally relevant and enrich one's experience.
So, one could replace a goddess mentioned here with one's own chosen goddess, if that feels more comfortable and useful. A goddess name, is not as important as the qualities and attitudes of its expression, so if one believes that a different goddess-name would better 'represent' the goddess-quality mentioned, then that would be just fine. In fact, one could even have their one's own meditative vision of each of these four goddess powers, in which completely different names appear.
Next, in preface to more discussion about these love goddesses, these are just tendencies of approach, or predominate attitudes of a woman's personality in the love ritual. Some women will have one of the approaches, while other women will have a different approach. These are the four basic approaches. But in some women there may be a nuance or combination of a few of these goddesses, whereby one of them might be at the forefront sometimes while at other times another goddess will be manifesting through this same person. Everyone is somewhat different and unique, so in between these four primary love goddesses are various possible combinations, nuances, or subtleties. Also, these goddesses are related to men, which will be explained later.
Finally in preface, this present discourse will not try to explain all of the many possible goddesses, nor all of the possible sub-types of a sexual woman of love. Nor will it reiterate the common understanding about these goddess; in other words this is not going to be a discourse about these particular goddesses in the usual understanding of them. Because our interest here is essentially about different attitudes and approaches in the sexual love ritual.
For the woman, these different attitudes and approaches are about different 'ways of being'. For the man, it is about different ways of experiencing the woman. Of course this is all explained as heterosexual experiences; perhaps, though, one could make it applicable to homosexual love, but that task will have to be made in the mind of the reader.
These different goddess attitudes and approaches will be relevant to both man and woman. Yet different perspectives will be involved. The most obvious perspective is for the woman to understand herself as one of the goddesses, while the man perceives that goddess expressing through her. So from the woman's perspective (as being a goddess), she can recognize the particular goddess quality that is now expressing through her. And from the man's perspective, he will be interested in perceiving how the woman is expressing – her particular goddess attitude and approach in the love relationship or love ritual. Relevant to a man is how a woman can be in the love relationship and to recognize which goddess type this is. Relevant to women, on the other hand, is how they can potentially be or express in the love relationship, and how each is a unique way to bring enjoyment into the ritual.
But then, all of this can be reversed, as a man can perhaps see what qualities he is expressing, or what attitudes and approaches he is in. This is the possibility of man realizing these goddess powers in himself, as well as recognizing them in women. For in a larger view, all of what is described about the goddess qualities can be relevant to a man as well, and not just to a woman. In the teachings here, the goddesses are described in relation to women - the different love attitudes and love approaches of women. But these goddess qualities could also be applicable to men, because men will have these different love attitudes and approaches as well. In other words, a man could see these goddess qualities in himself, because they most fundamentally emerge through all humans, at least potentially.
It will be easier for a woman to experience herself as one of the goddesses, more so than a man, because of the obvious gender distinction. But it is nonetheless possible for a man to also experience these different types of love attitudes and approaches within his own way of being, since they are essentially universal archetypes, not just qualities of women only. However, for a man to relevantly perceive these goddess qualities in himself, he will need to mentally make some adjustment to the teachings at hand. In other words, these tantra teachings can only describe one perspective at a time, meaning that all possibilities cannot be covered here.
It may be that in the love experience, a man will more likely experience himself as expressing god qualities, rather than goddess qualities. In other words, he will see himself as being a love-god, while he sees the love-goddesses in his female lover. Reversely, a woman in the love experience will most easily experience herself as being one of the love-goddesses, while her lover man will more probably be experienced as a love-god. But as already mentioned, these teachings cannot cover every possible perspective, and the focus here is on goddesses.
Also remember that one can relevantly relate to the love approaches in two ways; either as possible attitudes and approaches in oneself, or as those of the partner (as seen in the partner). Moreover, these attitudes and approaches of love and within a love ritual can be understood as analogous to all kinds of interpersonal relationships. In other words, if one sees a larger view about all of this, one will see many relevant connections to all aspects of relationship; and thus, this is not just about sexual dynamics, even though its focus will be on just that.
Now returning to the question of how a man can relate to goddesses, besides just having sex with them, let us briefly examine the interesting question, 'Are men also manifestations of goddesses?'
The answer to this is partly yes and partly no. Psychically, the goddess powers are in men, just as they are in women, though how a goddesses is understood in oneself will likely depend on if one is a man or a woman. A woman can feel and understand the goddess in herself and be inspired by this, and as well, she can self-identify with being a goddess in her outer activity. A man can also relate to his inner goddess as an inner inspiration, but he will not tend to self-identify with this in his outer personality and activity. For example, in heterosexual lovemaking a man will not usually have an experience of being a goddess, though he might feel an inward inspiration from the goddess or feel the power of goddess energy flowing through both him and the woman.
So for the man, he will more easily self-identify (in his sexual activity) as one of the powerful gods, rather than as one of the goddesses. Yet these gods are all related to the goddesses; as each god is a mirror image of a goddess, and vice versa. Each is a mirror of the other, yet one has a masculine persona, while the other has a feminine persona. Realize that all goddesses are different facets of the One Great Goddess, which in tantra is Shakti. In other words, the goddesses are personas of Shakti, but they are also real powers of Her. Symmetrically reflecting this, all gods are facets and personas of Shiva. Yet in an even larger understanding, Shakti and Shiva are the complementing polarities of the One Absolute Being, in which all beings exist and of Whom all beings are. The principles of polarity, reflection and mirroring, are essential in the teachings of tantra.
So in mirror to Shakti is Shiva, and vice versa. Some say that Shiva came from Shakti; but others say that Shakti came from Shiva. In truth, they Both are complementing and mirroring sides of the One Absolute Being; in other words, they are two polar aspects of Being Itself, or Reality Itself, which could be called Spirit, or God, or Allah, or Brahman -- yet remembering that these are mere names (and what a name refers to is just what a person means by it), and also remembering that the One Absolute Being has no distinct gender - so if one says the One Being is 'God' or 'the Goddess' or Allah or Brahman, then this could not be a male vs. a female deity, since its meaning would have to be beyond gender. All gender, and thus all of the gods and goddesses, are different aspects of the One Being. The true esoteric aim of tantric ritual is to experience the One Being, whereby any distinct personal self-ness is dissolved, as the partners dissolve or explode into absolute Unity (or absolute blissful void, called samadhi or nirvana), and in this omega experience of being the One there is no more gender sense of goddess or god, and even all of them disappear.
Love can be distinguished from sex, just as being loving can be distinguished from being sexual, and yet the ideal is that both are together. The difference is that love may or may not include sex, and sex may or may not include love; yet in our tantric studies it makes most sense to speak of these together, since the love-sex ritual is a primary theme of tantric discussion. So even though this may not always be the case, we will assume here that the loving relation between the woman and the man will also include sex; and conversely, that the sexual ritual will also include love, at least some.
These teachings about the love goddesses are most evidently in regards to sexual relationships and the love ritual. The love ritual, in tantric terms, involves sexual relationship, sexual experience, sexual activity, and sexual enjoyment. This is not to suggest that all love relationships need to involve sexual enjoyment; for there can be enjoyable love-relationships without sexual energy involved. And there can also be botherly-sisterly kinds of love relationships, which do not involve sexual contact nor sexual desires. But in this particular study of love relationships, there will be an emphasis on sexual love relationships, rather than try to also include all types of non-sexual love relations. Though these teachings can correlate to the larger topic of all human relationships.
So because there will very often be a sexual reference and undertone in this teaching, some readers might think that there is too much emphasis here on sex and not enough on heart-love -- which ought to be involved in the sex. This is a valid concern. For love is of great spiritual and emotional importance in our lives. Love, as a quality, a feeling, and as an experience, is very deep in meaning. In human relationships, especially partner relationships, love has many facets, many important essences, such as caring about the other, having compassion and empathy, appreciating and respecting the other, and feeling closely connected or intertwined together.
Love in a relationship also usually implies some degree of commitment to the relationship, giving a trust to each partner that the other won't suddenly leave (even though this may painfully happen in love). Commitment also means that both partners are into building an ever deepening bond which we could most simply refer to as a deepening friendship, and both are into a longer-term process of psychological and spiritual unfoldment which is nurtured by each other and often reflected in each other. This longer-term process requires mutual caring, compassion, empathy, appreciation, respect, open-minded exploration of each other, and feelings of connectiveness.
So we can see here that love involves many aspects and qualities, including a longer feeling of time together and commitment to nurturing each other's process self-actualization and spiritual awakening. And even all of this does not seem to fully describe all of the depth of what love is.
Another facet to what would be considered as a more holistic sex-with-love relationship is a mutual interest in and appreciation of the other person's intellectual, emotional, and also soul aspects of their total being. In other words, in just-sex the partners would be in a just-physical relationship, loving each other's bodies and the physical enjoyments of sex. But in a more holistic loving relationship, both partners would also be interested in and appreciating of other aspects of their partner, besides just their body and how they are in the physical sex. These other aspects include the intellectual, emotional, and also soul dimensions of the partner.
This addresses a common question in love-sex relationships, which is something like, "You love my body, but do you also love the rest of me?" This may not necessarily be verbally or overtly asked, but the question is pertinent to anyone wondering if there is more to love than just the physical sex. The answer to this question is yes; there is more to love about the other person, than just their physical body and how it feels in sex. So to love more about the whole person, rather than just a portion of that person, is an additional possibility in the sexual ritual. The actual love-sex dynamic will be increasingly more profound and more enjoyable on deeper levels, when there is more to the love than just loving the other's body.
But we need to also look at this question realistically. First of all, there is plenty of time in a relationship for mutual intellectual discussions and appreciation of each other in this respect. So to love the whole person, the intellectual portion of each person does not need to always be present in the sexual experience. In fact, sexual experience is best when the intellect has taken a back seat. So during the time of sexual ritual, this is not the time for intellectual discussions, nor for having a great intellectual relationship. People who are more highly intellectual or who tend to be intellectually verbal will need to let all of this go and not even think about it, -- if they want a more profound sexual experience. So as far as the intellectual aspect of the partners, this is not really the time for 'appreciating or loving your mind'; except perhaps appreciating the imagination of the other and also their poetic words of love.
Next, in regards to appreciating and loving the other person's emotional facets, this can very well be a beautiful part of the sexual experience. In fact, all of the greatest emotional qualities and feelings of a human being can emerge in the sex-love ritual, and thus be appreciated and enjoyed. For examples, these involved emotions would potentially include happiness, joy, enjoyment, excitement, interest, caring, generosity, givingness, empathy, feelings of interconnection and unity with the other, and even maybe improve self-confidence and self-esteem. In addition, all negative emotions seem to disappear in the lovemaking. So without any doubt, there is already emotion in most sexual experience; though all of these would still have to be regarded as potentials within the sexual ritual, since it is still quite possible for people to have physical sex without much emotion at all, making it basically a just-physical experience.
We have to see, though, that a greater emotional component to sexual experience, with more of all those positive emotional qualities involved, requires the person to actually allow their emotions to emerge and thus bring more emotion into the sex. For some people emotional experience and expression is quite natural and easy, some other people are more reserved in their emotions, less expressive, or sometimes the emotional portion of their being is either repressed or simply underdeveloped.
Also to mention about emotions involved in sexual experience is that love, in the larger sense of what it is, must be willingly brought forth into the sexual ritual by each person. It is true that a deep love for the partner will sometimes spontaneously emerge into one's experience, which are very deep and beautiful moments. But each person also needs to take some personal responsibility in bringing forth love into the sex. This means being more conscious of the love that is in one's heart, then letting this love from the heart enter into the sexual experience, thus permeating the whole sexual atmosphere with love. This can be understood as bringing love into the experience, or bringing heart into it, or as enfolding the other person with one's love. So in this sense, the answer to having more love in one's sexual experience depends a lot on oneself -- it depends on what I bring into it from my own heart and it also depends on how much I open up to the love that may be radiating from the other.
Finally, in relation to this question of having more of the whole person in the sexual experience, we can bring in the soul portion of our self and also lovingly experience the soul of the other. What does this mean, the soul? Many people do not even believe in the soul, as the word is usually understood in a religious context. But in the most simple and easily understood meaning of soul, a person's soul is the great potential within them. These are the human potentials for creativity, love, and wisdom. These are potentials of the Whole possible person.
The soul is like a huge reservoir deep within a person, which contains all of the wonderful potentials of who they can be. This great reservoir within a person can be seen, it can be recognized and loved by the lover. This doesn't just ordinarily happen in sexual experience, but it is certainly possible. This recognition and experience of the lover's soul, as beautiful waters and as gleaming gems awaiting to emerge, is one of the aims in tantric love ritual.
Some of the person's soul will already be evident and expressive. So one can perceive parts (or gems) of the other person's beautiful soul in their actual expression or way of being. Yet a larger portion of their soul will still be 'in potential' or still awaiting the person's realization and their allowing of it to come forth.
Moving towards a more spiritual definition of soul, the soul contains all of the great spiritual goodness and spiritual love inherent in the person, and we can understand these spiritual qualities as coming from an even greater source, from God or from the Goddess.
In addition, an extended meaning of soul might also be that deep portion of the love partner which is like a reflection of one's own true being. That is, one sees in the other a reflection of one's own self. Yet this recognition has a subtle nuance. For in one respect, one is able to recognize (in the other) what is already known about oneself, and thus there is a resulting feeling of being soul-connected, soul-intertwined, or of even sharing the very same soulness. But in another respect, one is recognizing (in the other) significant qualities of one's own self which have yet to be accepted as being who one is and have yet to be expressed. This latter recognition is very subtle and is more of an intuition or perhaps a feeling, than an actual perception; because what is really happening here is that the person's own soul is recognizing its own potential qualities but the person's mind cannot yet understand nor accept this.
Therefore, taking into account the great depth and breadth of what love can mean, it can be said in truth about tantra that love is extremely important, to be cherished and nurtured. So there is no doubt that sex with love is preferred to sex just by itself - without real love in it. However, in the tantra there is no negative spiritual judgment about sex without love or sex for its own sake. In other words, in tantra there is nothing morally wrong or humanly demeaning about having sex without much love in it, (in terms of love meaning all of those many possible qualities already described). In tantra, if the partners feel that they both received enjoyment, or fulfilled some of their desires, then this is spiritually good and spiritually healthy. Mutual enjoyment is the primary value in tantra. But if there is love also added in, or a real deep love between the sexual partners, then this is regarded as even better and even more fulfilling. So go for the ideal and bring in love to the sex, but not to worry so much about if its just sex.
For with just-sex, there are still usually many moments of appreciating the other, caring about their enjoyment and what they enjoy, feeling connected with them and sharing a wonderful experience with them. As well, in any enjoyable sex there are the obvious expressions of appreciation, such as "I love how you are, love what you do, love how you feel, and I love this shared experience with you," whether or not it is said this way. So even in what might be called sex-without-love, there does appear to be a good degree of love involved anyways! Even though some qualities of love and the greater depths of love might still be missing.
So perhaps it would help in our understanding if we imagine a continuum-line with just-sex on one end and sex-with-love at the other end, with many in-between possibilities along the line; so that sex-with-love can range in possibility from being a mild degree of involved-love to being an extreme ideal degree of involved-love. Thus, it is intuitive to say that sex with love is preferred, but sex with less love isn't all that bad. So any sex that is more closely approaching the ideal of sex with lots of love in it will have a greater depth in the whole experience and also greater enjoyment for the lovers. But we can also be accepting of sex anywhere along the continuum, including sex without depths of love in it.
Again, in tantra, having sex without strong commitments of love is not judged as nonspiritual. Enjoyment is primary, so if enjoyment is present then love is present; even though any tantric initiate would agree that greater experiences are possible when greater depths of love are present.
As an example of the liberal open-mindedness about sex, in traditional times of tantra there were goddess temples where female disciples were available to have ritualistic sex, though this sex was reserved for male tantric disciples (disciples of the Goddess), rather than it being like a house of prostitution. Yet as part of the male initiating process, an initiate female would teach and lead the man in what might be viewed as sex therapy or sexual teaching, though with a spiritual foundation. In these tantric settings, the partners did not often have any long-term commitment to one another, and in many instances they were nearly strangers. However, many longer term relationships developed from these initial first encounters, and these ongoing-developing sexual-love relationships are regarded as more preferred over just the one-night stand variety of sex. This should make sense to anyone.
Lastly to mention is how sex can lead to love, just as love can lead to sex. Love, as broadly defined above, most often leads to sex, and hopefully good sex. However, even partners 'in love' can have a failed relationship if the sex isn't working. So a loving relationship (as we defined love) may not always depend on the sex, but many have left a loving partner just because the sex wasn't all they wanted it to be. But if two persons with a deep friendship, commitment and care for one another can also have great sex together, then this is certainly ideal. May great love lead to great sex.
But there can also be a reverse to this, with sex leading to love; when sexual attraction and sexual activity lead to a deepening love between the sex partners. This then is good sex leading to a greater and deepening love. As well, sex itself will often lead to emotional experiences and expressions, of which love can be included. So the love-sex relation can proceed in either way, with no judgment about which is better. Love can lead to sex, or sex can lead to love.
First of all, the goddesses will have either an active attitude in the love ritual, or a receptive attitude. This is the polarization of active and receptive, whereby both are absolutely essential, yet one will be most predominate at any moment in a goddess's 'attitude and approach'. The meaning of this distinction will become more clear as the discussion proceeds. But generally speaking, an active attitude and approach is when the person tends to initiate or take the lead, as it were, or is more active in the love than passive. While a receptive attitude is when the person tends to let the other person initiate or lead. Sometimes this is simply being passive or even submissive; but one's approach could be to respond in receptivity to the other, like being the responding dance partner rather than the lead, in which case a receptively responding lover would not be just passive.
Parvati has a selfless serving attitude and intention. She is not primarily seeking her own pleasure, but foremost instead she is seeking to please her partner. Her attitude is all about giving to the other - what he needs or what he wants. So she is often perceived by the man as a great giver of love and sometimes as a healer. She is purely and devotionally giving. Her attitude in love is to sense, feel or listen for what the man wants, then give this to him. She is all over the man with her givingness, and serving him enjoyment is her goal and pleasure. Her love-giving is absolutely unselfish. Parvati's relational attitude to her lover is to be selflessly serving his wishes, needs, and pleasures. Parvati's attitude is to be all there for her man, while unconcerned about her own wishes and pleasures.
So in one sense, she is receptive - in that she is always receptive to the man's needs and wishes. She is always receptively listening, sensing, feeling, or seeing what he would please him. Yet in another sense, she is a goddess with an active approach, because she so often takes the initiate. In other words, she is not just passively awaiting orders from the man about what to do. That kind of obedience would be just fine with her, but she will often initiate kisses, caresses, and actively give pleasure to the man on her own steam, because she is already so determined to please him. So Parvati can also be actively assertive, but this is to please her lover while her own pleasure is not her forefront concern Her enjoyment is in her giving to the other; though she most likely enjoys the mutual pleasures of sex just as much as any other goddess.
The self-assertive Durga is an easily understood contrast to Parvati who is assertive in her serving, because Durga is assertive predominately for herself – being concerned about her own wishes, needs and pleasures. Her attitude towards the love relation is mostly about her. It's what you can do for me, or what can I achieve or get out of this relationship. And she is self-assertive in asking for and maneuvering towards what she wants. It might be an easy simplification to say that Durga is selfish in her attitude and approach to love, in contrast to the unselfish Parvati. But let us not be too quick to morally judge Durga or simply label her as negatively selfish. Instead, let us see her positive quality of being self-assertive and reaching for what she wants, rather than merely being passive or just giving without any regard for her own desires.
Thus, Durga is very obviously an active-approach goddess. She easily takes the initiate and the lead, is very often on top of the love situation, and she can be very active in the love-making itself and not at all passive. Yet she sometimes will be submissive, or allow the man to take charge, but only as long as the man is successful pleasing her. In other words, she is quite happy laying down submissively and being pleased, but her submissiveness is for her own pleasure, not really for the man's. As well, she might give certain pleasures to the man or also fulfill his desires, but only to the extent that this 'service' to the man will be reciprocated at least equally, if not more.
Thus, Durga and Parvati have active approaches, yet active in different ways. Durga is active in a more classical way, as being self-assertive; while Parvati is active in an unselfish self-giving way. Yet both would have a tendency to initiate. One might be like, 'let's see what I can do to please you', while the other is like, 'let's do it my way'. Yet remember that Durga still needs to 'turn on' her prey, in order to get what she wants from him.
Now at first glance, from the man's perspective, many men might very much prefer Parvati. All that devotion and selfless giving sounds pretty nice. Parvati is like a sexual care-giver or the sex-nurse that man has always wished for, or she's like a woman server in a Sultan's harem. But on the other hand, many men might find Durga to be more interesting and perhaps challenging. In addition, Durga's conquest and achievement oriented thinking is very similar to how most men work in the world. She's usually smart and successful, or at least moving towards success.
And in love-making, Durga is not timid, nor passive. Durga can be very sexually demanding. She often will not even ask but just take charge in the loving, doing it her way and getting what she wants. She takes the man for herself and for her enjoyment, and she wants the man to serve her. When Durga asks and what Durga wants, the man feels compelled to obey and please her. So she could be a real sexual turn on for many men. Her assertiveness to get what she wants can also be pleasurable for the man, especially in sex since a woman getting what she wants will also mean a lot of sexual activity and pleasure for the man. Durga is a sexually aggressive lover. This may not be what a man always wants, but it is what a man sometimes wants.
Also, with Durga the man at least knows with higher certainty that Durga is really enjoying the love and getting what she wants, since she's always looking out for her own pleasure and usually achieving it; while with Parvati the man might be unsure as to if Parvati herself is actually enjoying the love, since she is always so giving, undemanding, and even uncaring about her own pleasure. So for a man concerned about how the woman herself is enjoying love and being pleased, he might tend to worry about Parvati's unconcern for her own pleasure, such that the man doesn't then know if she is really getting much out of it all. Some men might be not be concerned about this, if they are predominately concerned just about their own pleasure and what a woman can do for them. Some men might not care at all if the woman is pleased herself, for what matters is one's own pleasure. However, many men do care about how it all is for the woman, and in fact, the pleasure of a woman can be a great turn-on. And with Durga, her own pleasure is much more out in the open and evident.
In addition to these positives of Durga, there could be a very powerful love-making if both partners are self-assertive, as long as they both don't butt heads about it. Mutual self-serving attitudes can turn into a powerful time of synergy, and even a sexual struggle for dominance can turn into an exciting sexual frenzy of sexual wills. On the other hand, in defense of Parvati's attitude and approach, if both partners are mutually selflessly-giving, then the love-making could also be very synergistic, powerful, and successful, with the mutually given enjoyment increasing infinitely. Imagine the sweetness and enjoyment of love, if both partners had a raging desire to please the other and they were in an attitude of absolute giving to the other. This attitude and approach of mutual 'self-giving' from both love partners would be quite different from the other approach of mutual self-serving or mutual self-getting. The experiences would be different.
Also in this comparison, Parvati more evidently seems to be the spiritual one, since she is selfless and serving, which are regarded as spiritual qualities, religious or even saintly qualities. In fact, all the major religions regard selfless service as a pinnacle of spiritual attainment. Whereas Durga appears to be a selfish and self-centered person. Yet from the perspective of normal psychology and especially feminist psychology, Durga is a healthy ego and will tend to be more successful in the world, with her assertive attitude and go-for what I want spirit. And from the feminist and psychological perspective, Parvati is either: terribly neurotic and without any self-integrity or will of her own, or she is a poor soul who has been culturally conditioned to believe that woman are meant to serve men, or she has allowed herself to be a sex-slave. Parvati thinks that Durga is an uncaring, unspiritual, self-centered bitch. While Durga thinks that Parvati is simply an idiot. But ironically, each can be enjoyable for a man, both in courtship and in a love ritual.
In tantra though, both kinds of lover, Parvati and Durga, are considered equally spiritual. Tantra does not make spiritual judgments about selfless devotees being spiritually better or more advanced than those seeking their own self-enjoyment. Each has its place in a larger view of life. Neither does the tantra believe that religious kind of people are spiritually superior to earthy worldly people. And neither does tantra make a value distinction between spirit and body; for both are considered Spiritual.
So in describing Durga as self-assertive in her self-interest, the tantra makes no judgment that she is spiritually inferior to Parvati. Parvati gets her enjoyment, but her approach is different. Durga knows what she wants and asserts herself in getting it, but in making love this way she too gives the man great enjoyment, for man enjoys being taken by woman and serving her pleasure, as much as he enjoys taking the woman or being served by her. So what begins as self-serving action can turn into other-serving, just as selfless serving can turn into a self-enjoyment. Love-making is mysterious, in that it will often rhythm and circulate back and forth and around itself.
Lakshmi can be regarded as a receptive goddess. She demands nothing and is not an active initiator in loving. Instead, she receptively waits for the man to have her, and she receptively receives his love. Yet, she still wields tremendous power by her unique approach, and by this receptive approach she does get what she wants. For she wants a man to adore her, cherish her, be enthralled by her, be seduced by her beauty, and even perhaps become obsessed by her. She wants, most essentially, to be adored and worshiped as a love goddess, or as a sexy goddess, or as a goddess of beauty.
Lakshmi is the enchantress, the seducer by beauty. Her sexiness and beauty has an enchanting power to excite the man and make him desirous to please her and come into union with Her. As with Durga, the man will feel compelled to serve and please Her, but Lakshmi doesn’t actually demand nor ask. Instead, She gives the man so much enjoyment by Her sensuality and beauty that he naturally adores Her and feels compelled to ravish Her with all his love.
Lakshmi is open to the man taking her, allowing of him to worship her beauty and love her body. She seduces by her readiness, her readiness to be taken and her readiness to respond. She has the power of a deliciously ripe peach waiting to be plucked and eaten. For this is her love approach, her way to be loved and gain love, and finally to be pleased by the man. Her way is to present herself as a delicious fruit, just waiting to be taken and eaten with delight. She presents her sensuous body to the man as gift of beauty and delight. And she waits receptively, even perhaps passively, for the man to be enchanted by her and want her, such that finally he is propelled (almost beyond his will) to have her and delight in her, and to also please her. And she is pleased by his advances, and pleasured by his adoring kisses and caressing hands on her sensuous body. She allows it all to happen so naturally, without any willful effort by either partner.
Lakshmi's receptive attitude is to wait for the other to make moves on her and actively love her. She presents her beauty and charm, like bait, then waits for the man's desire for her to increase and swell, such that he has to have her. So this is how Lakshmi captures her man; she first captures his fancy, then his sexual energy, and then his complete devotion.
Lakshmi draws the man to her by her look, her her beauty, her sexual feeling. She is what most men think of as the sex goddess. She just has to look at the man and her eyes draw him to her, she licks her lips and the man’s own mouth gets juicy. She seduces the man without needing to lay a finger on him, and he goes crazy over her, wants her madly, and is drawn uncontrollably to her. That’s how powerful she is.
Her beauty and sensuality, but also her absolute receptiveness, creates this magical power of enchantment and seduction. So Lakshmi has this seductive kind of power. She plays a man with her seductive eyes and magnetic body. Her attitude is take me, have me, do what you will with me, but you must adore me, and it is in your absolute desire for me that I find my most pleasure. But of course you are welcome to please me in you advances, your kisses and your thrust. Thus, Lakshmi is the enchanting goddess, the seductive goddess, and she powerfully draws the man to her like a magnet. She has sexual magnetism. This is her power. This is her way.
Yet, Lakshmi is not always passive. She is waiting and she will not initiate any actual physical advance, except for her seductive kind of advances. These advances are more like, here I am, so beautiful and delicious, and ready for you. So this is a receptive-waiting kind of advance, because her advances will be a presentation-for viewing combined with passive waiting - for she wants the man to make the actual leap towards her. She wants him to actively thrust himself towards her, and she will not thrust herself onto him.
Lakshmi's seduction can actually range between being highly extrovertive to being simply passive, yet both can be effective. For example, a Lakshmi woman might be very outgoing and extrovertive in her seductive dance. She might be regarded by other women as flaunting herself or showing off. She might have developed quite a skill in the seductive dance of very gradually and teasingly exposing more and more of her sexual beauty and ready-receptive attitude for being taken with pleasure by the man. Yet on the other extreme, Lakshmi might manifest more passively and not so extrovertively. She might be mostly quiet, even reserved, and might even show herself as being indifferent to any man's attention, and she is certainly not flaunting herself. However, her power of seductive beauty and sexiness will nonetheless show through and attract many men to her. She is simply much more in a waiting mode, yet nonetheless her seductive power is great.
Lakshmi also has an active aspect, in that she is ready to actively respond to the man’s attraction and advances towards her. She is ready to respond to the man's love advances, and she will usually mirror back to the man whatever he gives to her first. For example, when he tenderly touches her face, she responds with her own tender touch. When he kisses her, she kisses back. But again, some Lakshmi women are more quickly to respond, while others play harder to get and thus might make a man do more of a devotional dance for her before she will respond in turn back to him.
In general, Lakshmi has a predominately receptive attitude, waiting for the other to make moves on her and actively love her. She will actively respond with love to that person, but only if they show love to her first, or show her adoration, or make active loving advances towards her. Lakshmi can also be active in her seductive dance and actively express a lot with her eyes and gestures, but she remains receptively waiting for the man to be captured by her charm and assertively make a forward advance towards her. She is not going to physical jump on the man, though she may flaunt her beauty and sexiness all around him. Essentially, she presents herself and radiates her charm, then she waits, but with a readiness to enjoy the man's assertiveness towards her. Yet he must come to her, for she will not come come to him first.
This kind of attitude can be contrasted with Parvati and Durga; in that Parvati will actively initiate moves towards the man to actively physically love him and please him. She might well ask what he wants and he tells her, which does involve a receptive listening, but her main attitude is to initiate love and pleasure for the man. Durga also has an active attitude and approach, but her attitude is to initiate moves and work towards an aim of being pleased herself by the man. Like Parvati, Durga might steam in and make things happen, but her foremost aim is to fulfill her own desires and pleasures, whereas Parvati's foremost aim in is for the other's pleasure. And of course, any of this can occur at any time during the love-making, not just at the beginning.
With Durga and Lakshmi, the man feels compelled to eat her up and ravish Her with all of his body, his hands and mouth, and penetrate her with the love she needs. Their goddess power is to compel the man to give all the love he’s got. And as he does, his pleasure and enjoyment increases, which drives him to further ravish Her. So She has the power to excite and give him pleasure, as he gives love and pleasure to Her.
But Durga demands the love and makes the man her sex slave, while Lakshmi seduces love from the man. With Lakshmi the man feels that he is taking pleasure from her. From the man's perspective, Lakshmi seems to be giving pleasure to him by her beauty and her sensuous body. She seems to radiate pleasure, enjoyment and delight to the man -- which is Her power. So as the man makes an approach to Lakshmi, he feels that he is doing this for his own enjoyment. He is not doing this as an act of loving service, nor as being a slave to her wishes; rather, he feels that he is approaching her to take her for himself, to eat her and penetrate her for his own pleasure. Whereas with Durga, the man is serving her wishes (but also enjoying it). He is eating her and penetrating her for the sake of Her pleasure, wanting to give her what she wants.
Lakshmi ends up getting the adoration and enjoyment she wants, yet by a more subtle means, drawing the man to her with the power of her magnetism. She is covertly getting what she wants. Whereas Durga is overtly assertive and takes charge of the relationship and the love-making, leading the man directly towards her pleasure. Durga assertively seduces the man to have her and please her. Yet all of this is Shakti’s desire to increase Her pleasure of the body, or to compel the man to bring out more of Her inherent sexual excitement.
Within woman and inspiring her sexuality is the power of Shakti within her. This will feel in the woman as a sexual desire, a sexual pleasure, or as a sexual power. Sometimes a woman feels her own sexual desire or power, as it rises from the depths within her, below her belly. She will then seek to fulfill her desire or to express her power in some way, and there are many possible ways.
Using this power, she might become more assertive in having sexual experience with a man. Her energy might then come forth assertively and overtly. This is the power of Durga, which is regarded as an electrical power, direct and to the point. Or, the woman's sexual power may come forth seductively, as a magnetic power which draws a lover towards her. The woman emits a sweet sensuous-sexual energy, which is magnetic. This is the power of Lakshmi, who can evoke sexual desire in a man and draw the man to her. The power of Lakshmi pulls a man to her, but without any overt force; instead, her power is to magically make the man come to her and have her. In contrast, the electrical power of Durga will overtly take the man directly. By analogy though not to necessarily take literally, Durga jumps on the man and actively takes charge of what shall be; while Lakshmi seduces the man to jump on her. Lakshmi pulls the man to her, but not overtly nor aggressively.
Durga is similar with Lakshmi, in that both would love it if the man ravishes them, adores them, and powerfully takes them. But Lakshmi seduces this from the man by her sexual magic, while Durga isn't going to wait around for the man to be magically seduced -- instead, she takes the initiative, she 'grabs hold' of the opportunity and makes her desire manifest. So Lakshmi wants and needs to be loved, just as much as Durga, but she’ll wait for the man to come to her, because her foremost desire is to be adored and worshiped, not merely to get pleasure from the man.
So, unlike Parvati who actively takes initiative to serve and please her man, and unlike Durga who assertively takes the man as she wants him, Lakshmi seduces and draws the man to love her and take her. She loves to be taken, adored, and loved passionately, yet she does not just lay there passively when loved but responds with enjoyment from being passionately loved. She responds by meeting the man’s lips, kissing him passionately back, and meeting the man’s thrusts with her own enjoyed thrusting. So she is not passive in her response to love, but is allowingly passive to the advances and actions of love made by the man, to which she naturally responds. Thus, she can be active in the love making -- but in response to the other, rather than as an initiator.
Lakshmi does not initiate the loving because she wants to be taken. But once the man makes moves towards loving her, she meets him with an equally passionate response. She is often like a mirror to his initiating love and attraction, or a dancer who gracefully mirrors the partner. Later, after being heated up in the loving, the Lakshmi woman may transform into one of the other goddesses. She might change into an assertive Durga, or if she really gets heated up and lost in the loving, she might even transform into a wild and self-abandoned Kali.
Lakshmi has a power of beauty and sexy magnetic attraction. But this power of Lakshmi is not just confined to the elite of sexy beautiful babes. Most woman will not think they are a sex goddess and many woman doubt their own beauty. The tendency of the modern western culture is to compare oneself with certain ideal models and judge oneself accordingly. Woman tend to be particularly concerned about their beauty or looks, and they tend to be unfairly critical of themselves.
What women need to know is how easy it really is to be beautiful and sexy in the eyes of a man, or another woman if you like. A certain amount of practical care towards being beautiful and sexy is usually needed, but beauty and sexiness can be achieved by most women, even if the woman is not the classical model of Aphrodite. Virtually any woman can be Aphrodite or Lakshmi, with the power of this sexy love goddess. Having an enchanting look of beauty and sexiness is more to do with how the woman is, her style of attitude and being, rather than having a particular look or style as presented in movies or in fashion magazines. Lakshmi has a style of sexiness and beauty that is more to do with her attitude and being, which men instinctually recognize and are attracted to. Also, self-confidence and self-belief is a great part of Lakshmi’s power. As well, there is power in the radiance of her self-feeling about wanting to be loved and taken sexually, and her readiness and openness for it.
Saraswati is the Goddess of Wisdom and the Arts, which we combine together by calling her the Artistic-Wisdom goddess. She has qualities of being a creative, artistic and imaginative person, as well as having a natural spiritual wisdom.
Wisdom includes intelligence but is more than this. It is also more than just know-how or having a lot of knowledge about whatever. Wisdom, as defined in these teachings, is an ability to be receptively present to the truth - as it emerges in any moment or through any person. Then, by way of this receptive presence, one can continually learn. In addition, another essential aspect of wisdom is love. This can also be understood as having heart in one's presentness or in one's receptive presence, or as coming from the heart. So wisdom is not just a mind thing or intelligence thing, and it is certainly not just having a lot of 'knowledge' to teach.
Wisdom is intelligence combined with love, and insight combined with compassion. Wisdom, as well, is having the right attitude to learning. As it is said in Zen teachings, the wise man is not a man full of beliefs, but rather the man who is empty enough to learn in every moment. Saraswati's foremost interest and attitude is to learn. She is always interested in learning - learning about the man she is with, learning about her own self and feelings, and always wanting to learn more about love and life and the bigger purpose of it all. This is what makes her the Goddess of Wisdom.
Saraswati's desire to always learn and understand more makes her receptive to the man she is with and receptive to life in general; because to learn and understand requires a receptive attitude. In order to learn, one has to be receptive to the environment and the people present. One has to have this kind of attitude. So more so than the other goddesses, Saraswati is able to learn more about her lover, and she is also quicker to learn about love dynamics. This is all because she is receptively open to learning and also has the ability to stay present in the moment – which is really where any learning happens.
This is Saraswati's receptive attitude – a receptivity to learning about the other and also about herself (receptively learning about her own honest feelings and of what is most important for her). She is also inquisitive about life and the purpose of life. In addition, she is coming from love, because she is coming from her heart. Parvati is giving of love, Durga is assertively working on getting love, Lakshmi is expecting love, but Saraswati is simply wishing to be true in her heart about what is love and if love is really there.
The love approach of Saraswati is the most subtle. Like Lakshmi, Saraswati has a power of enchantment and charm, but her quality of charm is more subtle and less perceptible than the outward beauty or sexiness of Lakshmi. She will often fascinate a man, but the man often cannot say why. She might fascinate a man with her artistic qualities and the inner talent that resides in her, or she might fascinate him with her wisdom qualities – her intelligence, her ability to be receptively present, and her overall attitude to be always learning. These wisdom qualities of Saraswati give her a special ability to deeply connect with her man, both mentally and in heart, which makes him feel that she really understands him deeply, and this itself is an attraction for the man's love and also his sexual desire.
It is too often assumed, mistakenly, that only a Lakshmi kind of goddess woman can evoke sexual desire from a man, through the seductive power of her physical beauty and/or outward sexiness. But a man's sexual desire will also be aroused by a woman's ability to really understand him. For a man wants to be understood, just as much as a woman wants to be understood. Thus, understanding by the other arouses the other's heart love and even their sexual desire.
Related to this is Saraswati's ability to be present – to be present in the moment and present to the one she is with. This presentness, which is also related to having 'presence', is even more of an attraction. Presentness brings both people consciously together in this moment and connects the energies of both people. Thus, being present 'brings together', which can be a kind of energetic sexual interaction yet without any necessary physical contact. It can get the sexual energies moving, and it has its own special magnetic attractive effect.
Therefore, understanding, presentness, and wisdom are sexy too, not just beauty or striptease. But so many people miss this simple truth. The heart can arouse sexual desires. An awakening of one's heart, evoked by the sincere understanding of one's love partner, or also by their being sincerely present, arouses sexual attraction and desires.
So, similar to Lakshmi, Saraswati has kind of charm which tends to magnetically attract a man. But her charm is more subtle than Lakshmi's outer sexy beauty, so only a very perceptible man will notice Sara's special qualities and thus be attracted to her. Sara does not try to intentionally use her charm as does Lakshmi; and in fact, Sara is usually unaware of her own particular kind of charm. Her charm is not a conscious part of her attitude and approach; but she does have the magnetically attractive charm of her wisdom and artistic qualities, which are her unique powers to enchant and draw a man to her.
Sara's power of attraction is different than Lakshmi's beauty and sexy gestures. It is the charm of her love presence and the wisdom revealed from her heart. She might still be as beautiful or even as sexy as Lakshmi, but those are not her foremost intentional and expressive qualities. Or in other words, she is not using, nor is she relying on her beauty and sexiness, to be loved or to induce desire from the man.
Instead, her foremost expressive qualities are the presence of love coming from her heart, the openness coming from her mind, and her creative artistic imagination. This is her spiritual presence, even if she would not use those terms. But her love is not just fancy or attraction or desire, which are the basis of most ordinary love. Instead, her love is just love. It's just the way she is - open-hearted, compassionate and understanding. She has a presence that is interested in really knowing you, in learning about you and discovering you. The Goddess Saraswati has an ability to deeply connect with her man, both mentally and in heart, and he feels that she really understands him deeply.
So this is how Sara is receptive; she has an open heart and open mind to really know you, or get to know you. This her foremost attitude. She's not necessarily out to unconditionally please you, she's not out to get something from you, and she's not out to seduce you with her charm. And so she doesn't have the same kinds of agenda as the other three goddess types. She might well have a lot of charm, but to charm you is not her game; it's not her attitude of approach. Instead, her approach is to just be there with you with heart and a receptivity to understand you as a person.
This is why Saraswati is the Goddess of Wisdom; it's because she has an open heart and open mind and is ready to discover who you are. And, she may well discover you, even more than you have yet discovered yourself; because she has Insight. She can see into you, which is gained from being in an attitude of receptivity, being wakefully open to the deepest quality of who you are.
Sara is not, like Durga, predominately concerned about her own pleasure. Neither is she, like Parvati, predominately concerned about the man's pleasure or of giving the man whatever he wants. And neither is she, like Lakshmi, predominately concerned about her seductive power and of being adored for her beauty or her sexiness, and of being taken by the man. The peculiar quality of Saraswati is that she doesn't really care about any of this.
Instead, Sara is all about just being open to the moment, learning about the man, and exploring her feelings about him. She is predominantly concerned about learning and understanding -- which will then involve exploring, and having an open mind of discovery. She rejects any fixed or fanatical beliefs about what is the right or best way. She is not too interested in the usual, but much more interested in the unusual and the unique.
There is also a fundamental attitude difference between Lakshmi and Saraswati. Lakshmi's attitude is -- Here I am. Look at me. See how beautiful I am. Desire me. Want me. Take me. I am your fruit to be eaten. Ravish me with worshiping kisses and desiring thrusts. Lakshmi relies on her power of attraction and hopes to encapsulate the lover in her attractive spell. She wants self-surrender from the man and undying devotion. Durga would like all of this as well, but she relies on her power of assertiveness, rather than on a power of attraction; and she attempts to more outwardly manipulate the situation, rather than use her magnetic magic. And then there is Parvati who is just into serving and giving, who doesn't have any care about personal power anyways.
Saraswati' attitude is not just like Parvati's attitude of unconditional givingness, but like Parvati she doesn't really care about what personal power she has, nor about wielding power to get something from others, whether it be enjoyment or worship. She's not interested in power. Instead she wants truth. She wants honesty and self-disclosure -- to be honest in herself and wanting the honesty of her lover.
She is not desperately seeking love from outside her, because she already knows that love resides in herself. She is just fine with love coming from a man and of being ravished with pleasure, but this is not her main desire and she is not so needy for this as is Lakshmi. Her main desire is to explore the truth of both her and her partner, and to also explore the potentials of each situation. This knowing of love inside, combined with her inquisitiveness for the truth, is what makes the wisdom. For wisdom is about love and learning what is important in life; it's not simply about knowing a lot of facts.
So one of the essences of Saraswati is her wisdom of knowing that love is already within her, and thus she might express an attitude quality of desire-indifference or non-expectation. She does not overtly show sex as her need. She is not trying to pull the man to her, nor is she pushing herself on the man. Some men will perceive this and think then that she is unattracted to them or uncaring about any sexual relationship, but this is not necessarily so. It's just that she seems different than the other goddesses and seemingly less concerned about the sex, since she is not putting any energy out about that. Yet some men may be fascinated with her as an unusual enigmatic mystery. Then some other men will really see who she is and they will start to attractively fall in love with her quality of being.
At the same time, she is a woman, and all woman love sexual enjoyment and love connections. So yes, she will love sex and she'll love the kisses and worship, just as much as Lakshmi, but Sara won't expect it, she won't demand it, and she won't use any power to get it. Therefore, the man has to take Saraswati. He has to show her he is real, not a fake, that he is honest and not just a sales-pitch. A man will be attracted to her, attracted to her love-wisdom and to her artistic imagination, and he will love her. But her power of attraction will not be intentional, nor seeking to seduce the man. Rather, Saraswati's power of attraction is just from who she is, from her self-truthfulness, her inner knowing of love, and the wisdom of her exploring and inquisitive mind.
A man will be attracted to a Saraswati woman – if they
are able to actually recognize her (since her qualities are more
subtle). Sara does not overtly seek out recognition (as Lakshmi), but
nonetheless she needs recognition. Her heart needs it, even if her
mind doesn't think it's important. Because with recognition, with
being really seen, Sara will blossom out like a rose bud opening to
the sunlight. Then, Sara will shine forth with goddess brilliance -
because her inner treasures, her inner beauty, and her deepest love
essence will emerge. So if man can recognize the heart and soul of
this woman, then she will increasingly emerge from this recognition,
and man will be in love with her.
The other main quality of Saraswati is her artistic genius and ability. She has a natural artistic talent, and she has a quality of being an artist. This quality involves the attitudes of open-mindedness, exploration, imagination and playfulness. In terms of receptivity, the artistic imagination is ''receptively open' to possibilities. Any artistic or creative person will understand that it's just as much to do with a receptive kind of approach, as it is to do with being an active creator of something. Some people have these qualities of 'being an artist' while others don't. Though remember that this is a potential in everyone. The artist is latent in everyone, so never count anyone out, especially your own self. If the artistic qualities of imagination and play are not present, then let them out of the closet!
So at heart Saraswati is an artist, who is interested in seeing each scene and each moment differently, or from a new perspective. And as an artist, she is imaginative, and playful in her imagination. Essentially, Sara wants to play. She wants to explore and play, the moment and the man, and have new experiences. But sometimes, in some woman, all of this is present and they know it is true about them, but they are shy to actually express it, or they lack in self-assertiveness and self-confidence. So inwardly, the Saraswati woman is ready to be wild, imaginative, and playful. She even knows its in her. Yet outwardly she might present herself as reserved - because she is not extrovertive or assertive enough.
Another factor in her possibly being reserved and un-revealing of herself is that she will not let herself loose and open for just any usual man; she will first have to test the man to see if he is worthy of her revealing her inner secrets - the hidden secrets of her love-sexual imagination, her potential playfulness and spontaneity. So before this kind of woman reveals all of her love-artistic self, she needs a very special man, one who can both recognize her inner essences and also show that he too has the artistic wisdom qualities.
This artistic quality in Sara will be attractive to a man, if he can see her. She fascinates him and may even seem mysteriously undefinable, an enigma. He may also see in her a special quality of being, or a way of being - which is the artistic wisdom quality of Saraswati. But if she can reveal more of her inner being, then more will be seen.
The quality that may first be seen in her is her imagination. The true artist, or creator of art, in whatever artistic field they are in, has the divine gift of imagination. Not just silly imagination; but profound creative imagination - an imagination of what could be, or a vision of the possible - which is then brought into actualization by the power and talent of the artist. An artist can be anyone who is into doing this - who can actually manifest something using their creative imagination and power of vision.
So Saraswati has the charm and magic of imagination -- which can be a real plus in lovemaking. For imagination adds possibilities to the love, which were not yet thought of. Imagination adds playfulness and exploration to the love ritual. Thus, playful imagination can be combined with the seriousness of enjoyment seeking. This doesn't necessarily mean silliness or bursting laughter in the love making. Rather, playfulness adds in a more relaxed and easy attitude. Playfulness also means that we are open to trying new movements, new positions, new ways to touch and be touched. And we can use our imagination in our playfulness and in our exploration of new adventures.
Playfulness unfolds when our imagination is set free and allowed to dance. It's like letting our lost or imprisoned child free, the child who we really are, and allowing our child-like innocence to dance and play and enjoy. Let the imagination play! This is our true artistic spirit. Also, when there is playful exploration and imaginative expression, and trying new things, then we can actually learn new things, new beautiful ways and new beautiful enjoyments - discovering new facets of enjoyments and thus learning more about what more can be appreciated and enjoyed.
An attitude of exploration and discovery is sweetly important in any love ritual and it adds continual interest to each moment. This is an attitude where the partners are continuous exploring the moment, to be in the everchanging present moment, and to be accepting of how the moment happens to be. The lover can accept and enjoy each moment, no matter how it happens to be, because of being in this attitude of exploration.
For the attitude of exploration is like being a tourist in new place, or a hiker in a new unexplored area -- whereby the explorer kind of person is open to going this way or that way, doing this or that, and exploring different possible paths -- rather than getting mentally stuck in a fixed idea about what to do or how to do it, or being stuck in a pre-supposed plan or expectation about it all. So the love-explorer can fully be in the present moment and accepting in the present moment, rather than get disappointed if there are moments or times in the love making when it's not exactly how we usually have it or prefer it, according to our fixed ideas about what we like or what is the best way, etc.
Love-making is best when both partners have this attitude of exploration, exploring what is being presented in the other, what is being revealed in the other, but without any expectations or preconceived ideas about the other. Because when one is in this exploring and wakeful attitude, during the everchanging present moment, then there will be surprising unexpected moments of really seeing more of who this lover is. More of the other's realness will suddenly and unexpectedly be revealed. It's like another layer of the person being revealed. But this deeper layer was probably already there before we awoke to it; this was already present in the person and expressing from the person, but it wasn't yet noticed.
This is how it is with people. We notice so very little about the person we are with, compared to all that is really there. We just see a portion of the person, while the rest of the person goes unrecognized. And this can go on for many love encounters and even years, because our automatic tendency is to 'think' we know all about this person, when in fact we have only scratched their surface - we have only peeped through our very small hole of open-minded perception to see just a small portion of who they are, or perhaps we are so self-concerned and self-centered that we seldom even bother to look very closely. We have a few fixed beliefs about this person (like maybe we know their 'sign'), so then we presume that we really know them; when in fact, we only know them through the filter of our own beliefs.
So the only way to really know someone, or to embark on a gradual journey to know them, is to have an attitude of exploration and discovery (rather than settle in our cozy cottage of fixed beliefs) - which is to truly have an open awareness (and open heart) and sincere interest to know them, and to be open to those surprising moments when an as-yet-unseen part of them suddenly is revealed. Like aha, here is more of who you are, and I got to see it - I now see it. It's like an important an interesting part of the other person has suddenly come out from the dark and into the light, into the light of my experience. Something from the other person has finally escaped from the closed walls that I unfortunately made; so now, more is seen.
In addition, with the attitude of exploration and discovery, we are more open to understanding further about our own self. We can self-discover - we can discover about our feelings and energies in each moment. But to do this, we also need to let go of our preconceived beliefs about our self, and let go of our expectations and attachments, so that we can truly accept who we happen to be in the everchanging present moment, accepting our true feelings, our desires, and enjoying the moment of whatever. The most important elements in tantric love are self-sincerity and enjoying everything and every moment.
Related to the attitude of exploration and discovery is the attitude of flowing with the moment - which is to be in the love-flow and flow with it. Just be in the natural flow and flow with it. Trust in the natural flow. Trust that the love flow will take you and your lover on a sweet journey, a love deepening journey.
This is essential to any artistic person, and it is one of the essential wisdoms. Not to stop the flow with thoughts about "what should I do next to please him/her?" nor thoughts about "what next in my agenda for my pleasure?" nor thoughts about "is he really enjoying me?" or "does he truly love and adore me?" These thoughts might just arise from our mind, but we need to let them go and just be in the flow of the moment. If we do this consistently, then those flow-stopping thoughts will eventually arise no more. This ability to flow with the love-flow is a quality of Saraswati, but it is potentially in everyone, for all potentials are within us.
So the love partners do not have to pre-conceive how it all should go, but rather, be open to exploring the unknown, the mystery of where the love flow will lead them. This is the trust, but it needs the attitude of exploration and openness to continuous moments of discovery. Let the love-flow take you on this journey. In essence the love-flow is a dynamic energy which both partners are in. In the beginning stages of ritual, there will be less of this flow, so the partners need to gradually allow themselves to relax into whatever stream of flow there is; then as both partners do this, the flow will gradually build in intensity.
The real love-flow is a unified energy enfolding both lovers, which at first is fragile but can build up into a great power or wave that then takes the lovers on a beautiful journey to greater and greater ecstasy. It's not merely my flow or your flow; it's not about individual energy flows. Rather the real love-flow is the enfolding flow of both lovers together in it. So each lover needs to get into it. Some will jump right in, while others will timidly sit beside the stream and just dip their feet in once in awhile. Of course it does take some trust to get fully in it, because one is essentially losing oneself into the flow.
But the secret to gradually being in the flow is to gradually flow with the other. Essential for increasing the love-flow is the ability of each lover to flow with the other. If both lovers can do this, then the enfolding love-flow increases and each lover is more and more losing themselves in it. This love-flow then becomes the great transporting energy of the tantric love ritual, transporting the lovers into the ecstatic experience of supreme union. In tantra this is known as surrendering into the Great Goddess of absolute Love.
Now let us consider the possibility of combining and merging some of these goddess qualities to create a better balance in one's attitude and approach. Note that this applies to both women and men. Each person right now is expressing either one the powers or a few together in some kind of creative synthesis. Combining them, in whatever degree is possible, can create more balance. But this is not always so easy; for it requires more consciousness of the other approaches as possible potentials for one's own self-expression, and it requires a creative process of gradually exploring the other ways of being, the other attitudes and approaches of love. So this potential for combining and creating more balance will require some self-expressive exploration.
This is not to imply that something is wrong with mainly expressing just one of the four goddesses mentioned. In fact, during a love-making time, one is most likely in just one of the attitude-approaches, which is like having one particular perspective regarding oneself and the other in the intercoursing relationship. Each of the four goddesses are also perspectives, from one of the four main directions: north, west, south, and east. Each goddess attitude and approach comes from one of these directions, similar to the Native American medicine wheel with the four powers (or qualities) of each direction. Durga stands at the north, Parvati sits in the south, Lakshmi shines in the west, and Saraswati rises from the east.
Each of the goddesses is therefore significant in the whole complete wheel of life, and each is important to our whole process of becoming whole. So it is best to begin from where you already are, or who you are, right now, and be accepting of this. But at the same time as being self-accepting (and non-judgmental) of what kind of person we are right now and the kind of desires we now have, it will also be important to not be attached to the particular pattern of how we are right now; because attachment to any single self-identification will of course hold one back from exploring any of the other goddess powers and will certainly prevent one from experiencing a creative synthesis.
The possibility of goddess combination and synthesis is actually not all that difficult; the difficulty is really in our ability to be conscious of how we we are right now and in understanding what is possible, and next it is more about our choice.
The first step, then, is to be conscious of who we are right now - and of what attitude and approach we are now in. And note that, when we are in a dynamic relationship or in a dynamic love ritual, we really are in some kind of attitude and approach. You probably just don't see what it is - because you are not used to noticing it. Because it has become so automatic and part of our self-identity of who we are, it goes unnoticed.
Each attitude/approach has its distinct perspective, which is the way one is seeing the relationship dynamic and seeing one's role in it. For example, if one is playing the role of Parvati, then one will see oneself in a different way than if one were in the attitude and approach of Durga or as Lakshmi. As well, Parvati will see the actual relationship dynamic in a different way than the other goddesses. This is the meaning of 'playing a role' – but usually neither partner is even aware of playing a role because they are so seriously into it (into this perspective or role) and it has become such an automatic personality pattern.
Keep in mind that in the greater cosmology of tantra, Shiva (the Conscious Self) is playing in Maya - the great Goddess of all Existence. He is playing and dancing inside Her. Note though that this Cosmic Dynamic of Love Play is true for both woman and man, though it will also play out reflectively in the love-making of man and woman.
So to return from this digression (and many digressions there have been!), the first step is to notice, in any moment of the love dynamic, which goddess attitude or perspective one is now in. This can apply to the man as well as the woman; but seeing this as a goddess power will be much more natural for the woman. Thus, the man could see this as a god-power within, rather than as goddess within, or else he could find some other way to make all of this relevant for him. In this teaching we are presenting the goddesses, and it is hoped that men can make it all real for themselves, as much as women.
Next, once in a realistic understanding about oneself, we can then start to explore one of the other ways of seeing the other and one's own 'role' in the love dynamic. The best way to explore is to just jump right into it; just give it try; you know, like try on a different attitude. You can always come back later to the other one you know best. Remember that in order to switch 'directions', or switch 'positions', as it were, we cannot hold on to where we are now and remain in our self-identifying attachment. So let go of the persona you are now playing, and jump right into the other way, even if it almost seems opposite. Get right into it - right into this new role, this new position.
For example, if you are now in an attitude of giving to the other's enjoyment; then switch to being in an attitude/perspective of getting what you want, or of receptively enjoying what is being given by the other. On the other hand, if you are now in an attitude of receiving from the other or of getting pleasure from the other, then switch over to being in an attitude/perspective of giving to the other, giving all that the other enjoys.
Then, stay in this new attitude, perspective, or position, for as long as you can; in order to fully have this new perspective of experience long enough to really get to know it. Then it becomes more of who you are and adds to your wholeness. These roles can then switch back and forth during the love ritual. This exploration of the opposite perspective is especially helpful towards our self-balance and self wholeness.
For example, Parvati's focus on giving will help to balance Durga's focus on getting. Parvati's desire to serve her lover and make sure he gets all the love he needs will help to balance Durga's predominant desire to serve herself and make sure that she gets all the enjoyment she wants. This does not mean that Parvati will simply replace Durga. It just means that Durga will realize and unfold some of the Parvati within her. So overall, she will still have a good deal of concern for her own enjoyment and getting what she wants. But with Parvati now emerging through her as well, her self-concern will start to be balanced by a desire to serve her love partner and make sure he gets a whole lot of love and satisfaction. What happens, then, is that Durga moves gradually towards fairness (or justice). Note that balance and fairness/justice are related ideas.
So Durga is moving towards being more selflessly giving, but she will not want to go 'all the way' to Parvati's attitude, but rather can find a middle area of balance and fairness. We might even imagine Durga saying, "I'm willing to serve and give him all he wants, but he better serve me and give to me as well, because otherwise the love dynamic would not be fair and balanced. So Durga can progressively inch her way towards Parvati's 'position' (in the south), but she would not want to go all the way to this other end of the full circle. Rather, she heads that way but does not just get stuck on the other end of balancing wheel.
This is an example of moving towards self-balance by exploring the opposite perspective, opposite attitude, opposite approach, or opposite 'position' (which in tantra has both a psychological and physical meaning). Durga is positioned in the north of the great Circle of Wholeness, while Parvati is in the south.
So for Parvati, her balancing opposite is Durga, because Durga brings in her attitude of 'seeking to get what I need', which helps to balance Parvati's tendency to sacrifice her own desires or wishes, for the sake of her partner's desires and wishes. Parvati's self-sacrificing and selfless giving may be a reason to grant her sainthood, but it is not at all fair and balanced in the overall love-relationship dynamic. It's lop-sided. Her saintly self-sacrificing and selfless-giving attitude is as lop-sided as is Durga's me-first self-getting attitude. So Parvati needs to gradually inch towards Durga's position, Durga's attitude; but not go so far as to merely become Durga rather than Parvati. Instead, she will need to find a middle place of being, a balance between the two extremes. And so, in Parvati's process of 'realizing her whole self' (which is the spiritual journey), she may well end up pretty close with Durga - if Durga also makes a journey towards balance. For after awhile, in their respective process of Self-discovery, they might both find themselves closer to the middle of the great Full Circle.
Durga can also be balancing for Lakshmi. Both Durga and Lakshmi capture what they want, but in different ways. Lakshmi has a skill for capturing what she wants, but it is done indirectly. Durga, instead, goes directly for what she wants. She might not get what she wants, and it would be smart to not have over-expectations, but at least she is willing to try. Many men will enjoy this approach. Many men will enjoy her even when she is aggressive. But most men will enjoy her direct approach better if it is tempered with gentleness and givingness as well. This balance will be very delightful to men.
Durga is the assertive and perhaps somewhat aggressive potential of femininity. But not aggressive in the sense of being harmful to her lover, nor out to forcibly rape him. Some men might have a tendency to be aggressive to the point of being forcibly manipulative of the woman, or even having pleasure from being harmful to her, but this is actually a mental-emotional sickness. On the contrary, Durga's aggressiveness is more like the huntress - using her skill, her courage, her self-assuredness, and her assertive will, in order to move towards what she wants. She captures what she wants, but not with any violence to the other.
A Lakshmi type will indirectly ask for love by way of her behavior or how she presents herself, but she won't be too direct about it and especially will not be aggressive about it, because she wants the man to make his own initiate towards her as a result of her seductive power. She wants the loving but also wants to know that her magnetic power brings this about. So she can be assertive but not in a direct way.
What happens, unfortunately, for Lakshmi and for many women in general, is that they tend to get disappointed in a man for not being seduced by her indirect approach or else disappointed in the actual love-sex experience when the man does not do all that she would like; but this is of course a consequence of her not actually asking or being assertive, but instead remain passively waiting for the man to "just know" what she wants or how she wants him. So from the viewpoint of the assertive Durga, this passive waiting kind of approach, and hoping that the man picks up on her vibe about what to do, is just plain silly or else it evidently lacks confidence and courage.
Many woman fear to express what they actually want, or they are shy about it. They fear being viewed or judged as being unfeminine or as being pushy - which is not how women should be (according to their belief). As well, many women are not assertive in regards to sex and also prefer to not actively take charge or take a lead in the lovemaking itself.
One possible reason for this is in how they think a woman should be; for many women believe that a receptive mode, or even passive mode, is more natural to who woman is - the quality of being feminine, or also that a good woman or a spiritual woman is one who has no concern for her pleasures but is meant to be in service to the man. But there is no real natural basis for these beliefs about who a woman really is, nor about this belief of what is right for a woman or what a woman should be. These beliefs seem to be just false presumptions that are simply based on an invented cultural or religious norm, which was then socially conditioned into woman's personality.
In tantra, there is nothing inherently wrong nor stupid about a woman being as either Lakshmi or Parvati. These are regarded as beautiful ways of being, but these should not be falsely assumed as being how all real feminine woman are nor how they all ought to be. Each woman is the way she is, at present, and this way will be respected and appreciated for how it is, but Durga teaches us that any woman can recreate herself, and any woman can add in more self-assertiveness to her love personality, (by bringing forth the Durga within her soul), but ultimately the choice is with each woman. Be how you want to be; Yet know that you have choice in this and can set along a different path at any time. Know that this is the truth.
Thus, Lakshmi (in the west) can also be balanced by Durga (in the north). These are not directly opposite positions, but in the great Circle each of the directions balance all of the other ones, thus bringing each more towards the center or more towards complete holistic balance.
For Lakshmi, positioned in the west of the Circle of Wholeness, her directly opposite balance will be Saraswati (in the east). Lakshmi's power of magnetism, which draws a man to her, can be balanced with Saraswati's power of wisdom and artistic imagination. Lakshmi's magnetism is still good to keep, for there is nothing wrong about her desire to enchant, to be adored and to be worshiped for her beauty. But if Saraswati can gradually emerge from within her, then Lakshmi becomes even more of a love goddess to adore and worship.
First of all, both Saraswati and Lakshmi have a power of radiance, which is recognizable to a man and also has a power of attraction. But Saraswati's radiance and magnetic attraction is more subtle than Lakshmi's. For it is based on the attractive power of her wisdom and artistic way of being. Many men will have a great attraction for this kind of woman, while other men are more attracted to the more overtly perceived beauty and sexiness of Lakshmi. So Saraswati's attraction of wisdom and artistry is often overlooked or unseen, while Lakshmi's attraction of beauty and sexiness is much more perceptible. But if Saraswati can bring out more of her own inherent beauty and sexiness, or at least bring out more into the open her inner wisdom and artistic imagination, then her special radiant quality will be better seen and recognized; thus adding to her attractive power.
In fact, each of the goddesses can add into their own quality of expression the Lakshmi power of magnetic seduction - experiencing oneself as continually drawing the love partner towards oneself - and also experiencing the Lakshmi perspective of being adored. For make note that both man and woman can feel adored and even worshiped in the love ritual. This is not to be dismissed, but instead it is one of the goals of tantra - for each partner to be actually adored and worshiped in the love dynamic. So let it be.
An additional kind of balance, between Lakshmi and Saraswati, is the balance of beauty and wisdom. Some woman focus on their beauty, which can become an attractive power, as well as their outer sexiness. Yet other woman may focus on developing an inner wisdom and also their creative talents. Then some women might do both, which is the obvious direction of balance. For why not have both, or be both?
Thus, if a woman is more on the beauty-attractive side, then she can work more on developing wisdom and her creative talents; and vice versa. Each can be developed because both goddesses are within one another and all of the potentials are within us. Yet there is a tendency for the one type of goddess to think that being the other type is simply too far away or too difficult to become.
But just imagine the greater possibility of beauty having wisdom as well. Then this would result in beautiful wisdom, or a wisdom of beauty. Or imagine sexiness having artistic creativity as well. This would then result in artful, creative, imaginative sexiness, or sexiness with an artistic style. Or also imagine someone with artistic wisdom having expressed beauty and sexual power as well. A woman with both artistic power and sexy power can be quite a powerful attraction; just as a woman of wisdom and beauty combined creates a compelling magnetism. What Lakshmi also offers to Saraswati is her outwardness and even her 'hey look at me' attitude. Saraswati might not be comfortable turning into an outright Lakshmi, but some of Lakshmi's quality and power could make Saraswati into a beautiful and magnetic artist of love.
Outward beauty and sexiness are certainly not tend-all goals of woman; yet there is nothing that need stop the artistic or intelligent woman from being beautiful and sexy as well. And remember that beauty and sexiness can come in many forms and many ways, so as such it is open to artistic creativity. Also imagine beauty and sexiness combined with the qualities of exploration, imagination and playfulness -- those qualities of the wise and artistic.
So, Lakshmi can balance Saraswati with her power of outer sexual attraction. Saraswati just needs to take one little step forward -- to become a love attraction and have a man ravish her like Lakshmi, and also be a giving enjoyment to the dynamic of lovemaking.
Saraswati needs to realize her own special beauty, her unique artistic beauty, then let her beauty radiate out. Let the light shine. Let the wisdom shine, and let the artist shine. Let the imagination shine. And let the artistic playfulness come out. Saraswati, come out in the open and play. Let loose your inner beauty. Let loose your imagination. Let loose your exploratory spirit and your inner wildness. Be like Lakshmi, with her outer radiance of beauty. Show and reveal the beauty who you are! So the lesson of Lakshmi, for Saraswati, is to show oneself. You don't have to have a self-centered or egotistic attitude about it, but show yourself, show who you are, the beauty who you are. It doesn't have to be an extreme attitude of "look at me, how beautiful I am." But you at least have to move in the direction of allowing yourself to be seen and recognized. It's like any art; one needs to show the art and share the art, for otherwise the art remains in hiding and unseen.
The attitudes of both Parvati and Durga can also be balancing for Saraswati, leading her more towards the center of it all and to greater wholeness. Each of these four goddesses can be balanced by each of the other three. The positive balancing quality of Durga is in her self-assertiveness and in her intention to get what she wants. Also, any of the other goddesses will benefit from her will towards achievement and success. In fact, if Durga's self-assertiveness is combined with Saraswati's wisdom and with Parvati's concern for the other, then Durga becomes a goddess working for fairness and justice in the world. And if she gains Lakshmi's power of charm, then she becomes a very powerful spiritual transformer in the world. But in regards to Saraswati specifically, the added power of Durga means that the wisdom and artist woman is moving ever closer to success in actually manifesting her wisdom and artistic talent.
Next, by unfolding the Parvati in her, Saraswati learns more about how to just give her love freely. She learns to be an unconditional giver and unconditionally care about others. This also brings her out of her occasional aloofness, her occasional spaciness and being off into her own personal imaginative world. In other words, a Parvati balance can bring Saraswati out from her innerness into an attitude and intention to serve the person she is with -- with her inherent wisdom and artistic power.
So generally speaking, each of the goddesses can self-evolve by bringing forth the other goddesses from their innermost supreme Goddess potential; and thus, a finer balance and wholeness of being can be attained, which is the meaning of spiritual realization and actualization. This is called fulfilling the Great Circle.
The imaginative artist comes from Saraswati and is expressed by her, yet all of the goddesses actually have artistic imagination within them, but they just don't usually realize it and express it as much as Saraswati. So the quality of imagination can emerge in any of the goddesses and in any of the goddess ways.
For example, Parvati can be imaginatively creative (thus artistic) in how she gives to the man, in what she does and in how she does it. Durga can be more imaginative in how she gets what she wants. And Lakshmi can of course be artistically imaginative in her seductive dance, and in the way she dresses, looks, and acts.
It's all about the attitude one has. One person can be very playful, exploratory, imaginative, inventive, and open to ever new and unexpected experiences; while another person might be very serious about it all - being set in their beliefs about what is the right way or the best way, or set on a fixed course of this, then that, then that, and always wanting to do things the same way without being open to anything different or of learning anything new.
It's all about what attitude we choose. But most people never think to chose their attitude; instead they are imprisoned by whatever attitude they now have, and they are convinced that this is just the way they are. But no one has to be this way or that way. A change of attitude can change a whole lot, and this change of attitude is under our own choice - if we actually make the choice. So anyone can be anything, at least in the realm of goddess types. All of this applies to both man and woman. The real creative artist continually creates and re-creates who they are and how they are.
But in regards to woman, each woman enters into sexual rituals with some kind of goddess attitude and approach, and the reasons for one goddess vs. another being more dominant is a complicated mixture of many factors, just as is any personality. Yet, no matter what goddess is manifesting, the person has a choice of change, or one can allow in a different goddess energy to balance what is already most prevalent, or to make one's love approach more rich and holistic.
So there should not be a false idea that each person is merely possessed by a particular goddess. A particular goddess is now dominating the present personality and the present moment, but each person has a potential power of choice to switch the present goddess approach to another one, or perhaps add in another one to help enrich the whole experience of being. This is all possible because all of the goddesses are in each person's potential. It's sort of like artistic talent; we each have artistic potentials, but some people put energy and choice into developing one or a few of these, while others don't.
A man can also relate or self-identify with any of these goddesses; but as already stated, this will not be so natural as it is with women, and so a man may need to translate (in his mind) the names of these goddesses into god-names. Traditional tantra does not provide any suggestions for this. But perhaps the man does not actually need to understand the energy-quality as a name, since he could just recognize the particular goddess power as a character quality in himself. Women can do this as well, if these goddess names feel to be uncomfortably unfamiliar. For remember that the 'name' of a divine power is not as essential as the power itself; just as a particular image or picture of a goddess is not as essential as the divine quality she expresses.
So in terms of a man, he too expresses these various qualities, these love attitudes and approaches. The goddesses possess and express through men as well. For example, a man can also be unselfishly giving to the woman, or in more extreme language, he can be a love servant to the woman. In fact, this attitude of the man is essential to one kind of tantric ritual, but even in any love ritual the man can at times move into this attitude or position, really get into to experience it completely, and then move into another position but with natural ease and flow. For we all can flow into one kind of love-approach, or one position, then natural flow into another after fully assimilating the former experience. Again, this is with an attitude of exploration and discovery.
In western cultural thinking, the Parvati love approach is mostly thought of as a way of woman. In the extreme of a male-dominated cultural norm, a woman is relegated and caged into this prescription of 'she should be' a love servant to man and especially a sex-servant for man. Nice living fantasy men, but not really respecting the greater fullness and potentials of women. But in the tantra, the Goddess is actually supreme and meant to be absolutely respected if not worshiped. And since each woman is a manifestation of the divine Goddess, the tantric attitude of a man is to actually worship and serve her. Thus, in most tantric rituals the man enters into this attitude of serving the woman, to bring her love and enjoyment, rather than going into it with an attitude of 'what I can get out of this.' This is a beautiful attitude for man to have, and he will very much enjoy being in this love approach and moving inside her with this intention. This pleases the great supreme Goddess as well.
In tantra one of the needed spiritual approaches for the man is a devoted service to the woman, which will then be realized as a complete giving of himself in sacrificial service to the Goddess Herself. This attitude of devotion and service to the woman is man's connection with Parvati, the Goddess of Loving Devotion and Service.
This connection with Parvati can also be a spiritual aim of women as well, but this is not advisable for women who have a personality tendency to not look out for their own best interests and needs, or who tend to give up too much of their own self for the mere selfish pleasures of a man. Some women have too much tendency to love and give, but without enough reasoning and caution, so they end up sacrificing themselves to none other than a man's self-centered and selfish desires.
Women have a greater natural tendency to give and to serve others, than do men - who are very often self-centered and self-seeking. This might be because women have an inherent mothering disposition, even if they never have had children or do not have children at the moment; whereas man's animal disposition is to go out and screw the next women in order to, as they say, sow his own seeds. So, woman have an inherent disposition to be mothering, caring, and often self-sacrificing; whereas men have an animal disposition to screw around, fight with others, and generally behave egotistically. If it wasn't for woman's quality of unconditional love, they might not have any reason to love men at all. But alas, these are generalizations, albeit fairly true, so every man deserves a chance, since not all men are such egoistical idiots.
So because women, in general, already have a natural tendency to emotionally care about others and unselfishly serve others, and also to love with a great devotion and commitment, they need to be cautious about any spiritual or religious teaching telling them to just serve, or specifically to serve the man. This needs to be made clear, because traditional tantra teaches that a woman needs to serve enjoyment to the man, and so do many other religious teachings say that women need to serve and sacrifice themselves. But the difference in tantra is that this teaching also says that a man needs to serve enjoyment to the woman and give her all of his love. The tantra is very much about balance and fairness. So the ideal is that both love partners give freely, unreserved, and generously to the other. It's really about getting fully into the other person and giving them everything one has to give. Let the love fly. Let it loose. Let it flow. Go absolutely wild with givingness, to bring love to the other person, showing them that they are really loved.
So because of this difference in tendency between most men and women, women might need the balance of caring about their own needs, rather than simply be focused on what the man wants. Whereas men might best need the opposite kind of balance -- of working more on caring about the woman and her love needs, rather than simply focus in a usual way on what "I" want. Man can also come into this attitude of serving the other by his devotion to Durga. Man can surrender to Durga's wishes to be served and be given pleasure. The best balancing attitude and approach for a man or a woman will depend on what usual tendencies each uniquely has.
So we should not just simply dismiss Durga as also important for a man; for She too is one of the essential goddesses. In this kind of attitude and approach, a man can feel that he is getting what he desires. In each moment of movement in the love ritual, he can feel himself as being pleased by her and that he is receiving enjoyment. He can also be receptive to feeling her love energy and being loved by her. So here is a reversal of the other position, as it were, the other attitude and perspective. Both positions, both perspectives, both kinds of experience are divine. Sometimes he feels that he is pleasing her and giving love to her, unconditionally and selflessly. Then in other moments he feels that he is receiving the love and the pleasure, that he is getting the enjoyment himself, and that his love desires are being fulfilled.
The attitude of Durga will be most evident in a man's initial approach to the woman, the initial way that he is experiencing and approaching the hoped for love ritual. As said already, the more tantric kind of attitude for a man, in general, is actually to be in service to the woman who represents the goddess. But there is nothing inherently wrong with a man starting from an attitude more like a Durga approach of desiring for his own pleasure and assertively taking the woman with this intention. For this can be very exciting and enjoyable for a woman, as long as it proceeds with a good deal of respect for the woman (rather than treating her as just an object); because a part of every woman wants to be taken, ravished, enjoyed, and finally worshiped. And this will very often happen, as the love ritual proceeds, even if the man begins it all with a self-centered, self-concerned, self-serving intention. For he might begin and initiate his love approach with this self-serving attitude, yet as the love energy unfolds and as the woman's own magic unfolds, this same man will often get swept up into the love magic and awaken from being so limited in his love attitude and experience. He will hopefully see the woman as being such a wonderful gift to him that he starts to really love her with his heart and want to give to her with his full self, and thus his experience of the lovemaking reverses and he enters into the Parvati experience. This can all happen, but its not at all guaranteed in ordinary lovemaking. It helps if the man and also the woman know all of this, or at least begin to notice these dynamics in personal experience.
Now when it comes to Lakshmi, many will think that a man would not have this quality or this approach. But on the contrary, any man can be like a Lakshmi - being self-identified as (or thinking of oneself as) beautiful and/or sexy, and having a power of magnetic sexual attraction (being able to magnetically attract women), and having the power to seduce women by their charm or their looks or their sexy magnetism. And many women will admit that this is true - both that they have personally seen such men and also that they have often been attracted to certain men because of their sexual magnetic charm or because of how beautiful they look. So there should be no doubt that some men can be like this.
But also from the man's view, many men will know about this feeling and attitude in their self, and they will know that they sometimes make moves on a woman with this kind of self-prideful attitude and feeling of their own seductive power. Yet even with those men who do not have this image of themselves or this kind of attitude, they can come into this perspective and have this kind of experience while in the love ritual, at least for certain times.
Remember also that the deeper essence of Lakshmi is to be recognized for her beauty and attractiveness, and in the more extreme it is a desire to be revered and adored as a divine being. For a woman, she will want to be recognized and adored for of her delicious beautifulness, her soft, sensual and juice body, and of course also of her love. But for a man, he will want to be recognized and revered for his strength, his power, and his endurance in the love ritual. He will want to be recognized as a god of power. And he will want to experience the woman as really enjoying all of his firm power, his strong ability to thrust, and his passionate love. For this is how he will be adored and loved. So the man wants to experience from woman this kind of adoration and even worship of him, and he wants her to surrender to him. Thus, he is Lakshmi, but with a male body. In larger terms of tantra, the man of power is Shiva with His strong firm lingam and his ableness to bring enjoyment for Shakti.
It is not too difficult for some men to self-identify with the qualities of Saraswati. Not all men but at least some men have these qualities of love-wisdom, being receptive and present in the moment, and the artistic qualities of imagination, inventiveness, exploration, playfulness, and a freedom from conformity which results in a self-uniqueness. This kind of man need not know anything about Saraswati, nor would he need to know anything about tantra. It doesn't matter. He is who he is. But the very same teachings will apply to this type of man as with this type of woman; though a man may have to reverse a few key words as he reads it described for women. In general, a man should find pretty much the same relevance in these teachings as a woman.
Now in considering a man's relation to the goddess Saraswati, there is certainly a lot he can relate with; for after all, wisdom and artistic qualities do not just abide in women. Thus, a man can relate well to a Saraswati goddess, if he can recognize similar qualities in himself; and a man will quite often be sexually attracted to such a goddess. There are many 'dynamics of psychology' involved in this.
The man first wants to meet with her love-wisdom and artistic being. He then wants to enter into it and receive from it. He then wants to merge into her wisdom and artistry, to become one with Her. This is because of his inner knowing that her wisdom and artistic imagination is potentially within him as well. So he sees in her, in her qualities of being, his own potential being. He sees what is missing in himself, of what is really in his own very soul but not yet discovered. So in her he sees who he can be; he sees the missing part of himself. And so he is attracted to her. He loves her and he wants her. He wants to enter deep inside her, to merge with her and become one with her.
This is the psychological phenomena of being attracted to what is yet to be discovered or realized in oneself, and the consequential longing for relationship and eventual union with this 'other'. Our psyche, our total self including what is usually unconscious to us, contains much more potential than is usually realized and expressed. All of this inner potential is our soul. But those parts of our inner self (and who we can be), that are not yet consciously realized and not yet getting outwardly expressed, have a desire and longing to be known and expressed. Also, all this yet-to-be-realized hidden part of our self, no matter what exactly it all is, is the hidden half of our whole self, and there is an unconscious attractive energy between this hidden half and our outwardly expressed half. So then, when we see a person who is revealing and expressing some of this unconscious-hidden other half of our soul, we are naturally and psychically attracted to that person, especially someone of the opposite sex since the opposite gender psychically correlates with this opposite half of our whole self.
For example, if we were to name this hidden other half of man as 'anima' (meaning his hidden soul or unrealized self-potentials), then when the man sees someone who represents or seems similar to his inner anima, he has a natural attraction for this person and longs to merge with her, probably with an an unconscious hope that his anima is revealed in this unity with the other. Or perhaps his hidden half is seeking to see its own reflection in the other. For the woman, her hidden half is the 'animus', according to Carl Jung. Yet the same principle applies to her as well.
The Great Wholeness of Being is known in tantra as a the Great Circle. When spoken about in terms of the Source, it is called the Mother's Womb, because all Power and Qualities come from the Mother's Womb – the Creative Power of the Great Goddess. This Great Circle can be understood as the whole circle of our Self-Potential. It is similar to the Medicine Wheel of Native Americans. There are four directions, and at each direction is one of the four complementing goddesses of tantra, each in her purest Quality and thus also in her most extreme potential of expression.
The four goddesses also have a relationship with the four elements. Durga in the north, with her strong will, is related to the element of fire, Parvati in the south is related to the element of earth, with her earthy quality of caring about the well-being of everyone. Saraswati in the east is related to the element of air, because of her imaginative, visionary and wisdom mind. And finally, Lakshmi in the west is related to the element of water, with her watery sensuousness and flowing quality of beauty.
The Great Circle includes the fullness of all our spiritual potentials. It includes all of the spiritual qualities of the One Supreme Goddess Herself (or understood as the One Divine Being - Who includes both feminine and masculine qualities). The Supreme Goddess is all-comprehensive and thus includes all quality polarities. The Supreme Goddess includes all goddesses, since all goddesses and all potential self-qualities are really aspects of Her Supreme Being. It's not just important that there is a Supreme Being; its also important to realize that we are in and of this Supreme Being.
Also, the Supreme Goddess is always more than any of Her known potentials; even more than any of Her known goddess expressions. So whatever we know about the goddesses, and whatever we know about our own self, is always limited in some way compared with what is possible to discover. Therefore, always be open to discovering what has yet to be discovered, and don't forget the hidden goddesses – the goddesses still undiscovered within – those goddesses still in the Secret of Being.
There is also a pathway in tantra known as 'Moving towards the Center'. This is the possibility of developing more a balance between two or more of the goddess archetypes. The pathway goes like this. After recognizing the direction from which one is 'coming from', or experiencing from; it is then possible to flip to the opposite side, or what could be called the opposite view. Then one remains in this position for a good amount of time - in order to richly experience its essential quality, or what it's like. Soon though, one will tend to return back to the other position – of which one is more familiar with and identified with. But this occasional allowing of oneself to switch directions, switch positions, or switch to the goddess power at the other end of the Circle, will gradually result in a balancing between the two. The same kind of principle is true for balancing the other directions, except that they will not be directly opposite in position but instead along the side.
This path towards greater balance and wholeness is also known as the Path to the Great Goddess. For the Great Goddess is actually who we are, in essence; ...while the many goddesses, or goddess power/qualities, are Her facets, Her qualities, Her faces. And She is desiring a Full Recognition of Her Unity. She, the Great Goddess, is at the heart of one's aspiration to realize the very completeness of oneself, the wholeness of one's self potentials, which is to both Know and Express this Wholeness. She is the Great Wholeness of Being; and each person (woman or man) is this in potential.
The Great Circle, in tantra, is most often seen as a Unity-in-polarity. This polarity is represented by man and woman, man in one half of the Circle and woman in the other. We can actually picture this as a Circle with a man and woman in it. However, these polarities in the Circle are not absolutely separated. In other words, there is no solid line dividing the Circle, no solid boundary dividing the two from one another. Moreover in fact, the two polarities are actually embracing one another, or in more graphic form, they are together in intercourse, and perhaps even wrapped in and around one another in passionate love. So the polarities are embraced and intertwined together, rather than sitting separate, opposed, or with boundary. As is said in tantra, if a boundary is found, then destroy it. If a wall is found, then bring it down. If opposition is found, then resolve it by embracing the 'other'.
Thus, there is interconnection and relationship between two polarities, and complementation as well. In addition, there is dynamism in the Circle, in this relationship. It is not merely static, but rather dynamic and energetic. For remember that Shakti, Who is in both man and woman, is dynamic energy, or energy in motion, or circulating enjoyment. Thus, the Circle is full of dynamic and enjoyable energy, which is most represented by sexual intercourse.
Tantra is of course infamous for its sexually suggestive pictures, though these are images of gods and goddesses. For example, Shiva will be embraced with Shakti or with one of her goddess forms, or Krishna will be in love with Radha. Interesting to note is that when there is deep love in the love ritual between the man and woman, as well as the intensity of sexual energy and desire, then the woman is experienced as Radha while the man is expressing Krishna. This is known as the Krishna-Radha experience, which can be known both in the love ritual and outside of it.
Furthermore, this dynamism in the Circle is always producing change and transformation. Nothing remains static or absolutely the same, at least not for very long. Continuance and regular unchanging rhythm is, of course, part of the overall Dynamism, but eventually change comes into play. The principle of continuing, unchanging rhythm is called tamas; while the principle of change or transformation is called rajas. The third principle, intrinsically related to the other two, is sattva, which is the balance or harmony of the other two. But this topic will be more discussed later.
So the Great Circle is most fundamentally a Unity-in-polarity. This polarity can be understood in a few ways, which are different layers of meaning. In tantra, symbols and goddesses all have multi-layered meanings, which adds to their richness and depth, but it can also get confusing unless one is able to understand multi-dimensionally. Besides what has already been discussed on this, one way of understanding polarity in the Circle is that the halves are the masculine and feminine archetypes, or powers. These are opposites, yet complementary; thus they are complementary opposites, or polarities. There is no sense in discussing what these qualities are. It is best to discover these on one's own.
What needs to be kept in mind, though, is a non-fixed belief about what qualities are in man, vs. what qualities are in woman. Anything said on this could only be a large generalization, with many possible exceptions and nuances, because in the soul potential of both man and woman are all of the divine qualities, including both goddess and god qualities. The only thing that we can suppose is mostly true is that most men have more of the 'masculine' qualities, while most woman have more of the 'feminine qualities. But as can be intuited, the different parts of a man as distinct from a woman will unavoidably provide its own conditions of polarity.
Now at the deepest layer of meaning or in the most cosmic sense, the polarities within the Great Circle are Shiva and Shakti. These great cosmic polarities have their own respectively different qualities and powers, which have a divine destiny to be complementary and balancing. One could view Shiva in one half and Shakti in the other, though still having a connection and relationship. Or if the polarities are closer to being in unity, then Shiva and Shakti would be intertwined together in a flow of love. The same can be said of any images or symbols of unity-in-polarity, in that the polarities could range anywhere from being politely touching and relating, to being intensely intertwined in blissful union, to pretty much dissolving any sense of separateness whatsoever.
Coming down just a notch into more practical qualities, the Circle can be viewed as Krishna and Radha, both great lovers not only in bed but also in all aspects of their relationship, and one essential reason for this is that both see the Divine in each other. Both recognize and sincerely respect each other as divine beings, each with their unique qualities and powers, yet each equally divine. Also, in a sense, they are in love as soul-mates. But this is more about recognition of the soul, than it is the unlikely luck of finding the one single person in the world who one can truly love. They are soul-mates, because they each recognizes their own innermost soul potentials in the other, and thus each can discover in the other one what is hiding and unexpressed in their own being.
Coming down just another notch, the two lovers in the Circle could be anyone of us; the man bringing his mostly masculine qualities into the Circle of love, while the woman brings her mostly feminine qualities. These two sets of qualities can then complement one another to create a harmonious flow, and perhaps the two can modestly approach the love ideal of Krishna and Radha. The polar qualities of the man and woman can also blend together in the love ritual or in the longer-term relationship. And finally, it is possible for these polar qualities to transform into an integrative unity.
Of course most of this so far is still somewhat abstract. What about the sex itself! The sex and enjoyment will be a essential component in any of the above layers, but in coming down just another notch in the layers of meaning, the lovers in the Circle could be just in it for the enjoyment, not so much concerned about the amount of soul love in it, nor concerned about being up to the love ideal of Krishna and Radha. This then just becomes a Circle of sensuous, sexual enjoyment, and nothing wrong with that. There might be some amount of spiritual love involved in this love ritual experience, which makes it very high indeed, but maybe there is not too much of this yet nonetheless a lot of sexual desire and enjoyment, which is all good.
So at the most basic layer of meaning, the Circle is all of the sex in the love ritual itself, all of the many positions and all of the enjoyment. The polarity in this basic level of sex is most simply the relationship of the male and female bodies, and especially the relationship of the lingam and yoni. In this, and in each moment of the ritual, one partner will be mostly active while the other is mostly receptive. This in itself is a harmonious polarity relationship. But of course there are many possible nuances of this.
The Circle can be understood as the whole potential of oneself, and this can be understood in a number of ways. In the first way to be considered, the Circle is divided side by side. Though always remember that there is no wall or absolute separation between the two sides; there is always some interaction and interrelation between the two, and there can always be even more. So these are the two sides of our self, which are the polarities within our own psyche. This polarity can be understood as the masculine and feminine halves of our self, which fits well into the other ideas of tantra. However, this polarity of oneself could be understood in different ways, as well, and for each person it is best to realize through personal introspection the two sides of oneself, rather than merely believe any generalization about this as found in a book.
In tantra the Spiritual Universe is in essence One Being, but this One divides Itself into two. This is the divine polarity, and all things of self and of life, including sex of course, are representatives or expressions of this polarity. So these spiritual polarities are within each individual. Some will be more realized and expressed, while others remain hidden as latent self-potentials. One of the significant paths of tantra is to recognize all polarities in oneself, then work at integrating and balancing these.
The divided-yet-related Circle of self, being a cosmic polarity, is the interaction of Shiva and Shakti, which is thought of as a divine sexual interaction. Another spiritual symbol of this cosmic polarity is with Krishna on one side and Radha on the other, though both interacting with loving hands, kisses, and perhaps more. This represents the divine polarities of oneself in a loving relationship. In many ways we all have more of a polarity balance in our self already, than most would think. This is because a balance of polarities is natural to being a healthy person. Yet sometimes people get fixed in their particular self-image and self-identification as being like 'this' but not 'that', or else they dismiss the possibility of achieving a balance of polarities or they even suppress the polarity when it arises from within.
The next understanding of the Circle of oneself is when it is divided, conceptually, into an upper and a lower half. This itself can be understood in a few ways.
In many religious and spiritual teachings the upper half would be the better part of oneself, known as the higher or spiritual part of self; while the lower half would then of course be the lower or more base part of oneself. Yet the tantra teaches that all parts of oneself are spiritual and good, and thus one is not thought to be better or superior than the other. The upper and the lower function to serve different purposes, which are related to the science of seven chakras (energy centres) of the body/self – three higher chakras and three lower chakras, with one in the middle at the heart.
The lower chakras, or the lower half of oneself, function to benefit the physical body's vitality and the person's practical interactions with the world. The higher one's, or higher half of self, function to benefit meta-physical or spiritual needs; including aesthetic experience, spiritual intelligence, and one's connection with the larger divine/cosmic Reality. But since the physical body and our earth are regarded as spiritually sacred and since we need to function with practicality in the world, there really is no coherent sense in thinking of this lower half of self as inferior to the upper half. Both need to work integratively and harmoniously together as spiritual polarities.
The next understanding of the Circle divided into upper and lower is to do with the two parts of one's psyche – being conscious and being unconscious. In other words, there is a conscious part of our self, yet there is also an unconscious part of oneself – which is quite a lot of our psyche. Hopefully, each of these two parts will have a relationship with one another. This is the relationship within us between – the self and identity that we are conscious of, and the large part of our self that we are not conscious of. This relationship can of course be improved, just like any relationship. It can be improved with a greater degree of communication, which begins with the conscious mind being more open and accepting to what is unconscious within.
There is a tendency in some people to suppress certain qualities that would like to come forth into consciousness to be recognized and accepted. Sometimes the conscious part of oneself is overbearing on the unconscious part, which is represented in a sometimes overdominating man while the woman is expected to remain passive, quiet, and inexpressive of her needs and wishes. This happens in the world of men and women, and men are the problem in this kind of cultural behavior. But in the world of psyche, this problem can just as much be in women as in men, because in the human psyche the conscious self of both man and woman often develops a tendency to bully and suppress the unconscious contents of self. Symbolically then, man represents the conscious part while woman represents the unconscious part, yet this is true in both men and women. So women can be just as ruthless to their other half, as men can be.
So for both man and woman, it is quite possible that this relationship inside our own psyche can always be improved, which begins with our conscious self being open to hearing or feeling the unconscious part of our self, then also giving conscious recognition, acceptance, and love to whatever emerges from within. This will help build a more harmonious and integrating relationship, leading to greater unity and wholeness.
However, the conscious self should not simply become bullied by the unconscious self, meaning that we can develop a better relationship with all of our own self with acceptance and love, but we don't necessarily need to agree or go along with everything. This is the tricky part of any relationship in the world, and it is just as much an issue in our own psyche. So to build a harmonious and non-suppressive relationship, there needs to be openness, listening and acceptance; yet without necessarily going along with every little wish of the partner, for that would just be another form of manipulation by one over the other.
Thus, somehow there needs to a creative resolution to any struggles of desire, without one side always getting what it wants while the other politely and passively agrees. The end result, or end goal, is not for one side to always win its way while the other passively cooperates, and nor is the goal a chilling suppression of so many of our natural desires. Once again, this is true of both outer relationships and our own self-relationship.
What needs to be clarified here is that our unconscious half is itself multi-layered. In us are deeply important spiritual qualities which will remain as mere self-potentials until consciously recognized and allowed into expression. In tantra these are the multitudes of goddesses and gods within us. Yet also within our unconscious psyche are many reactive patterns, worry patterns, culturally conditioned beliefs, and the list could go on and on about all the stuff that is held in the storage closet of our psyche. This storage closet is a segment of our unconscious half, but it is more often referred to as our personal subconscious, and it can be distinguished from the soul part of our unconscious.
Our subconscious closet is not necessarily all negative stuff; there are plenty of practical and reusable contents in there. But also in there are many boring old repetitive reactions, moods, and dysfunctional behaviors,which emerge quite easily and consistently from the subconscious closet and into the expression, kind of like the person who just blabbers away in their same old way without even noticing how boring or unuseful their blabber is.
So the conscious part of us needs to have some discrimination about what is useful or not, helpful or not, stupid or not, spiritual or not. Some sects of tantra have suggested that tantra means no discernment, and that it's all spiritual no matter what it is. This can be a healthy open attitude in certain safe contexts of life, being completely open and accepting of whatever; but in general, it is simply unrealistic and even stupid to acceptingly go along with any-thing that arises, either in the outer world or within our own self.
So it is not advisable to simply and indiscriminately express every little desire arising from inside us - (coming into our conscious mind from its subconscious closet), nor to allow every single mood that we briefly touch upon to rule the day. And yet, on the other hand, if we quickly and ruthlessly suppress all unwished-for psychic contents that suddenly arise to be heard, then we could be 'pushing down' important desires and energies inside us without even giving them a respectful and intelligent consideration. The secret to all self-conflicts is to keep coming back to the truest and deepest feelings in our heart, which is really the center of our own great Circle.
Thus as seen, we can also apply the polarity-in-unity Circle to our own self, in a very analogous way as it is in outer love relationships. For in tantra, every aspect of life is analogous to other aspects, just as microcosmic relations are reflective of Macrocosmic relations.
So now, let us consider a few related connections between the polarity Circle of oneself and the possible sexual relationship between man and woman. As already said, the conscious half of self is represented in man, while the unconscious half of self is represented in woman. So in this model of self, the man part is on top and the woman part on the bottom.
In a healthy self relationship, as well as a healthy outer love relationship, the man on top is an opportunity to love the woman with deep appreciation and to recognize her unique beauty. It is a time to see how lovely she is. So the man on top can feel to be the active and powerful one, taking charge to lead the love ritual; yet at the same time, he can be receptive to how she is and appreciatively enjoy the love energies within her rising up to him and embracing him. He can be strong yet gentle. He can be active yet receptive. He can be giving and receiving all at the same time. He can be controlled yet letting go. He can be mindful and feeling at the same time. So, in many ways he can experience the complementing polarities of life and of the psyche.
From the perspective of the woman below, she can be allowing of the man and receptive to him, yet still be very active in her feelings of love for him. She can allow him to take charge of her, yet be active in her responsiveness, giving back to him whatever she receives from him, and thus instigate a circular circulation. And of course, just as the man, she can be mindful and feeling at the same time. Thus, both man and woman can experience complementing polarities in the loving.
But then, this positioning can be reversed, with the woman on top and the man on the bottom. This then gives the woman an equal opportunity to recognize the man's unique beauty, and the woman now on top can experience herself as actively powerful, in control, and leading the love ritual. While the man can now experience a polarity balance as well, now being receptive to the woman's sexual power in its more active form and being openly receptive to how the woman is and what she wishes to do. He can now feel the woman embracing him from above. He will still need to remain strong in himself, but also in humbleness communicate to the woman if he needs her slow down or stop so that he does not explode from her intensity. During all of this, both the man and the woman can balance activeness with receptiveness, strength with gentleness, and self-control with letting go.
The Great Circle can also be distinguished in four sections and by the four directions, each attributed to one of the four goddesses of love, as well as the four perspectives, attitudes, approaches. So in each quarter section is one type of goddess lover, ranging from most extreme to being closer to the Center [of balance]. This has already been discussed earlier.
But how the four is derived from the two is interesting to think
about. Four comes about from a dividing of two. In other words, the
Four sections are derived from dividing each of the two halves
in half. And because each of the two halves are polarities, each of
their divided halves will as well be polarities. This results in two
of the quarter sections being polarities in one sense, while two
other quarters are polarities in another sense. In fact, each quarter
section will have a unique polarity relation with the other three, as
well as unique similarities. So in a quarter sectioned Circle the
various relationships between these sections will be a complex
polarity.
Feelings of being either active or receptive
The basic polarity of love approaches is active and receptive. One
lover might be active while the other is receptive, or vice versa.
Or, both could be active simultaneously, or also it is possible for
both to be simultaneously receptive – though this would physically
mean that both are pretty much lying still together or being without
movement for a time, while both partners just feel the energies,
which is also part of a complete love ritual. Thus, the basic
polarity of active and receptive results in four possibilities, not
just two. Consider each person as like a coin. One person could be
heads and the other tails, or vice versa, or both could be heads, or
both could be tails. Metaphysically, this is how the Four is derived
from the Two, which was derived from the One.
But now consider this. We could be speaking about how each lover is physically, as in physically being active or receptive. Yet on the other hand, we could be speaking about how each lover feels to be. This is different from how one is physically, because now we are speaking about a person's feeling of how they are – or of how this person is experiencing the love ritual at any moment. This might, of course, be the same as what they are physically doing, but it might not be exactly correlated.
For example, I could be quite active in my physical movement, yet at the same time feel quite receptive in relation to my lover. This latter sense of active and receptive, as a feeling, pertains to my mental and emotional experience of the loving, rather than just my physical-movement experience. This could even be called the subjective experiences in the love ritual, as distinct in meaning from the objective-physical experience.
So now, let us consider the possibilities of active and receptive
feelings-experiences in the love ritual; meaning that a lover feels
to be either active or receptive. This is the experience of each
lover, from his or her own perspective. This is independent of how
the other is feeling and what the other is doing; because it is all
to do with each person's own experience of how they are. For example,
if I am feeling to be active (or I'm experiencing myself as active),
then my lover could also be feeling as active, or the other could be
feeling receptive; but my feeling active is not determined by how the
other is feeling – the other could still be active or receptive, no
matter how I feel to be. So my feelings (of being either active or
receptive) are independent of the other's feelings of either active
or receptive; and as well, the other's feelings (of being active or
receptive) are independent of my active or receptive feelings.
Four possibilities of love experience
1. I can be focused on what I am getting from it –
focused on the pleasure I'm receiving from the other (or from the sex
in general).
2. I can focused on what I am giving – having a sense of I am the giver, and that the other is being pleased by my giving.
3. I can be focused on the magical sexual power of the other – how they are cause to my sexual attraction, desire, and love response.
4. I can be focused on how the other is experiencing, empathetically feeling what they are feeling. This empathetic experiencing helps to transform separative I-experiencing. It helps dissolve separate perspective, between the two lovers, and leads to their union of experience.
Shakti – many meaningsAll great Goddesses and even all woman goddesses are manifestations of One Goddess. In tantra this One Mother of all Goddesses is Shakti. She has many kinds of meaning. The first meaning is that She is the Creator of all other goddesses and all of life. Nothing exists without having emerged from Her Creative Womb and also passing through Her Divine Yoni - the great Passage between the absolute Divine and this world of manifestation {or world of relativity}. And because everyone and everything has come from Her Womb, everyone carries in them some of her Juice Essence.
The other meaning of Shakti as Mother is that all goddesses, and all of life as well, are representative {and manifested} aspects of Her Divine Complexity. Each goddess and each living soul has some of Her Essence - but is also a unique representation of at least one of her aspects {or Qualities}. So in this second kind of meaning, all of the goddesses and all beings are various aspects of Shakti or different combinations of Her Qualities. Each is a reflection of Shakti, yet never a complete or absolute reflection, though we can all approach closer to this.
Note that a number of key words are used in this description, all of them intrinsically related. Moreover, none of these reflections take anything away from the One Herself. In other words, there is nothing in manifestation that depletes the Great Goddess, just as any reflected image of the Sun does not deplete the Sun, nor does a mirror image of a person take anything away from that person. Thus, She {in Herself} always remains infinitely energetic and generous.
The first meaning is most simple and true, which is that Shakti is Mother Creator of all goddesses and of everything existent, but the second meaning has more depth in it. Thus, to understand the different goddesses, we can see them as different mirror reflections of the One Goddess, though each mirror reflection of the Divine Complexity has some kind of perspective or angle to it, which is why relativity enters into existence. But also know that each goddess {and each person} has Her Divine Essence in them, so the very energy-substance of Shakti is in all of us. This Shakti energy is always moving through us, unless suppressed or blocked by something.
This brings us right into the next understanding about Shakti, that Shakti is an Energy. Well, not just an energy, but The Energy. She is the active, vibrating energy in life and through all the universe. Shakti is the fundamental Energy that is both creative and energizing to life. Shakti is the Force of Life – the vibrant life energy, the elan vital. This is also the same as prana, chi or ki. In tantra we speak about prana when wanting to be more scientific and impersonal, and without reference to the Goddess; but prana is Her Energy. This prana energy is vital to life, and it is vital to health and to healing. Free flowing Shakti through one's body is healthy and healing.
The other aspect of Shakti Energy, besides vitality or vital
energy, is enjoyment or pleasure. Actually, both vitality and
pleasure co-relate, since body pleasure depends on vitality. In
loving, both are desired. For example, the love ritual needs a lot of
vitality, which increases pleasure and enjoyment. A flowing,
energetic, vital energy creates enjoyment, and all physical
enjoyments have vitality in them. So, both vitality and pleasure are
aspects of Shakti Energy, and both are regarded as spiritual
qualities – as qualities of the Goddess.
Shakti in both man and woman
The quality of Shakti is sensual and sexual, and She has the dual will to both increase her enjoyment and embrace the man loving her with the greatest of pleasure and joy. The Shakti energy within a woman will be experienced either as her sexual desire, as her sexual pleasure, or as her sexual power.
Shakti is the primal, vital energy of life. She is the primal energy which moves through bodies with pleasurable flow and enjoyment. In her most pure and primal essence, Shakti is raw, pulsating, joyful energy, which is inherent in the body if there are no immediate problems or blockages of energy. So a woman's shakti is her raw, sensual, sexual energy.
This is usually kept in restraint or at times even suppressed, for social and practical reasons, and in psychology this self-control (or restraint or suppression) is managed by the personal ego. Otherwise, if a woman's Shakti energy is untamed and let loose, the woman can become a wild and almost crazy lover. In regular practical life and in casual social get togethers a woman would not want to be always letting her shakti energies loose on everyone, except maybe in a tamed or more subtle manner.
Yet, when the opportunity is appropriate, and the person she is with is desired, then this is a good time to actually let herself loose and thus enjoy the experience of allowing her goddess shakti energies to freely express. Shakti is unveiled and revealed through a woman, when her sexual essence is allowed to come out in a full flow and force of expression.
But as well, the power of Shakti is also in a man. So with a man as well, the shakti energy within him will be experienced as sexual desire, or as sexual pleasure, or as sexual power. This is the Goddess Shakti within him seeking pleasure, enjoyment and delight, through the experience of a man; just as She seeks to experience this in a woman.
We are the vehicles, or the bodies, for Her enjoyment, which is our own enjoyment as well. So, Shakti Herself is enjoying the whole sexual experience, enjoying the pleasures of Her sexual energies circulating throughout Her sensuous body of woman or man. If both the man and woman realize this – that their sexual energy and enjoyment is all the same Shakti experience – then this will be a secret pathway towards realized unity {or reunion} in the love ritual.
Sexual power can come forth either overtly and assertively, or more covertly and seductively. Both man and woman can be magnetically seductive, even though we normally only think this about women. Conversely, the sexual power of both man and woman can be overt and assertive, even though we might normally only think this about men. Generally though, a man tends to express his sexual power in a more assertive {electrical} way, which can sometimes even be aggressive. And generally, a woman tends to express her sexual power in a more seductive {magnetic} way, and women tend to have a greater ability to be sexually magnetic. However, these are merely generalizations about how people tend to be. What a man or woman can be is another matter. Both kinds of sexual power are within the self-potential of both man and woman. Thus, both can express their sexual power either magnetically {seductively} or electrically {assertively}; for these are both powers of Shakti, and Shakti is in both man and woman.
The Shakti sexual energy of one person, whether a man or woman, can also evoke and bring forth the sexual energy of another person. This is the power and magic of Shakti. She wishes to flow through and be experienced in oneself, but also She seeks to bring out the same kind of flow and experience in a potential sexual partner. She is seeking to bring forth Herself in the other, in hope for an ecstatic experience of reunion with Her Self.
Man’s spiritual response to woman is to serve the empowerment and realization of the Shakti within and through her, which is also to serve her realization and actualization of her goddess powers. In tantra, the man serves the woman and the woman serves the man. Both give to and receive from the other, in the realization of their mutual need and spiritual value to each other. Each can understand themselves better from knowing and loving the other.
The potential powers or qualities of each lover, in both man and woman, are brought forth and realized in the loving ritual and in the ways that these various qualities blend and complement one another. How this all occurs can only be suggested as possibilities, because everyone is somewhat unique and thus each love relationship is unique. Moreover, we each have to learn from actual personal experience, with an attitude of exploration and discovery, and a willingness to get fully into each experience, its energies and the qualities.
Consumed
in the fire of KaliAn additional goddess of love to understand and a very important Goddess, who is also a form of Shakti (the Supreme Goddess), is the Goddess Kali. Kali is Shakti in her most powerfully untamed and unrestricted intensity. Her experienced presence in the love ritual only happens in the most intensity of heat and self-abandonment. Kali is rarely seen or experienced until these moments, which is why she is not one of the four love goddesses commonly expressed through love partners, and yet Kali is latent within each, latent like the fire of Kundalini coiled and awaiting in the unconscious core of each person.
If Kali were expressed through a woman in regular life, her energy and behavior would be far too wild and primal for others to handle. Perhaps in an unrestricted and unconstrained freedom of dance might a woman {or man} experience Kali dancing through her or him. So we only find Kali emerging in the love ritual, and not even there most of the time, but only if the lovers reach a necessary intensity and abandonment in order to invoke her. Kali can enter into one's meditation, but this very rare occurrence would be very intense, so there are few ready for it.
In the common religious understanding of Kali, She is the cosmic Destroyer, and many traditional tantric followers feel a religious connection to Kali and make acts of sacrifice for her, out of respect for her tremendous power. If we understand the Creative Mother as a primary aspect of Shakti, then its polar opposite would be the Disintegrating Destroyer. This cosmic aspect of the One Goddess is Kali. This destroying aspect of Divine-Cosmic Power is also known as death. So in pictures Kali is often seen with sculls wrapped around and she doesn't look very pleasant either. So, many people find it odd that anyone would want to have her as their Goddess. Yet in the Hindu and Tantra traditions, death and destruction are viewed equally spiritual as life and creative birth. Also when people talk about worship of Kali, they probably mean 'reverent respect', rather than admiration or adoration.
More esoterically, Kali is the Power that annihilates one's personal consciousness in the yogic meditation leading towards samadhi (meaning the void-bliss of self-annihilation). This is the meaning of death and destruction, in relation to our possible spiritual experience – to lose our personal self-consciousness, as our separate-personal selfness gets annihilated in an ecstatic experience of nirvanic bliss. So this spiritual-psychological understanding of Kali is of more practical use in tantra, for here there is something possible to actually experience while being alive. And of course this relates with the sexual love ritual, or it is at least possible in it. For it is possible to lose oneself and in fact lose all personal perspective, and to be self-annihilated in a bliss of love-unity.
Kali is the consuming Love-fire of Shakti, which annihilates the separate self. She even annihilates all goddess, or any sense of being one kind of goddess rather than another. For Kali brings one into experiencing the One Great Goddess Herself {Shakti Herself}. She brings one to Union with Oneness. Kali is the transformer of separation into unity, the transformer of a man or woman to being nothing but Ecstasy Itself.
Kali is not one of the four tantric love goddesses, because Kali is beyond any kind of personal perspective, attitude or approach. She is beyond type. She is more like an explosion of fire. Moreover, no one comes into the love ritual as Kali. But, it is possible for a woman to become Kali in the course of the love ritual, expressing the Kali power or allowing it to move through and come into the shared love experience. In a larger sense, it is possible for Kali to simply blow both lovers away, to annihilate both of them in ecstatic Bliss, ...if the two can progress into a deep meditative flow together combined with a raging fire, and also be open to losing themselves in one another or in the shared experience itself. So, Kali can enter into the love energy, but only if the heat is high enough and the lovers are in flow enough, (a mixture of watery-flowingness with fiery heat).
Instead of demanding the man’s loving, as with Durga, Kali just consumes him in her fire of enjoyment and ecstasy. She powerfully draws her lover into her own excitement and sexual fire. Like Lakshmi, Kali's power is a drawing kind of power, rather than a doing kind of power. She draws him into her by the very power of her fiery presence. Lakshmi draws the man to her with her natural beauty and ready ripeness for the taking, while Kali draws the man into her by her power of sexual excitement and ecstatic bliss, a burning fire so powerful that the lover is consumed into it. Kali consumes the man with her intense fire of sexual bliss and absorbs his being within Herself, and all the man can do is to just willingly surrender or allow himself to be assimilated into Her. The man melts in Her fire, as She consumes all of him.
The power of Kali pleases and excites the man to such a frenzy that he cannot help but give all his body, heart and mind to Her, surrendering his whole being into Her magical Goddess Yoni, as he allows himself to be consumed within Her warm, loving embrace. Kali seeks to completely embrace the man with Her love, drawing him into Her body and into Her love, Her warmth and the fire of Her passion, and give him the greatest enjoyment imaginable, while he screams for Her and gives his full love to Her, as his Goddess, even sacrificing himself in worship to Her. She becomes for him the all-embracing Love Goddess, to Whom all love and worship is given.
The power of Kali is to drive the man to uncontrolled excitement and ecstasy, consuming him in her sexual fire of passion. With Kali the man is inwardly forced to surrender to Her. His passion is consumed by Her passion, Her fire. With Kali the man feels like he is being taken into her, eaten and swallowed up in the intensity of her sexual fire.
By being totally involved in Her ecstasy, the man is consumed by that ecstasy and taken away by it. Her very being is in such an ecstatic vibration that the man is consumed into this fire of ecstasy. Her ecstatic power swallows up the man into her, and the man willingly sacrifices himself into her, loosing himself, abandoning himself completely, and surrendering into her power. She is like a gravitational black hole which pulls and receives the man into her.
There is a point, though, just as Kali is emerging into the heat of love, whereby a man may have enough personal will and choice to back away enough in order to barely avoid being consumed into Kali, into the Goddess. The woman has already let herself surrender into this goddess fire, but the man now has a last moment choice to surrender or not. Yet if he does not back down, as it were, but instead lets himself surrender into this consuming fiery heat of Kali, then he will be no more as he was. He will first lose his mind and then lose all sense and feeling of being separate from the woman. In fact, even the woman will disappear - as she previously was - as a separate person. For all that will remain is just Her, just the Goddess, just this One Being.
At this point, ordinary man will lose all self-control and have an ejaculating orgasm. But if the man has acquired enough prana in earlier stages of the ritual and can maintain a continuous conscious breath, and also practice a few other principles, he may be able to pass through Kali to a total blissful love orgasm without any physical ejaculation. If he can do this, he gains special respect from Kali, and She will increase his own power of fire, as well as bring him to even greater love pleasure the next time.
So, both man and woman may experience Kali in the self-abandonment
of orgasm. When the build up to orgasm has brought into the lovers
enough intensity and fiery heat, there is possibility for a very high
bliss of orgasmic experience. But not all orgasms are equal. When
Kali is involved, this orgasm is beyond the ordinary in its intensity
and self-explosive bliss. For then, when one experiences a complete
letting go of personal conscious and perspective, and loses oneself
in the experience itself. The experience of oneself, as well as the
experience of two separate beings, all disappears in an uncontrolled
explosion. Even the room disappears. Everything and everyone
disappears. This is love's nirvanic bliss. Such is the
self-annihilating power of Kali.
Kali and male orgasmFour important points need to be made in relation to men and their orgasms. First, a man can have an intense orgasm without ejaculation. Second, this love orgasm can last much longer than ordinary ejaculation, so its not like a sudden thing and then its all over. Thirdly, in this way a man can have multiple orgasms in one love ritual, just as this is possible for a woman. And fourthly, this love orgasm is not merely physical but is a spiritual experience involving deep emotional surrender. It is a union with love itself.
Also to importantly mention is that a man does not necessarily need to have any orgasm in a love ritual, whether it be ejaculatory or not. For a man can have great pleasure in just the ritual itself and all that happens in it, but without having to consummate the whole sexual ritual with a final burst of ejaculation. So even if the man has no final orgasm, the whole sexual experience will still be incredibly enjoyable. Any man will easily admit to this; for it is not like the man had a disappointing time if he didn't finally have an ejaculating orgasm. It's more like the orgasm is a final dessert, but this dessert looms not so important if the rest of the seven course meal is fantastic. If the man does ejaculate, then may it be highly enjoyed; but there are many longer-range enjoyable benefits to not ejaculating.
The desire for physical ejaculation is, for the most, just a desire-habit of the man; in other words, it's just a desire or wish that the man has built up by habit and reinforced by a belief that he needs it. But in fact, a man does not need to ejaculate each time he has sex, and his desire for this can be replaced by a greater desire to achieve higher levels of ecstatic intensity in the love ritual – if there is no ejaculation.
Now, it is true that a man will need to physically ejaculate occasionally because of physical necessity, but this necessity could be more like once every two to four weeks rather than each time of sex. Each man is uniquely different, but in general, man's usual belief in this 'need' (and woman's buy-in to this belief) is certainly overblown. With some basic practice any man could be practicing a sane birth control method of simply not ejaculating in the woman or not even ejaculating at all, which will then increase his ecstatic pleasure in the next round of ritual, and then even further into the next, and so on; as each time the shakti energy will build further because of his self-restraint.
Knowing this can be of great practical for all men, because rather than the man assuming or expecting that he will finalize the love ritual with his own bursting semen, or rather than the man even wishing for this or thinking that he 'needs' it; he could simply decide to not have to do this at all, and yet know that he will still, nonetheless, have just as much enjoyment (or in fact, even more) in all the rest of what can happen. And, by not having to finalize it all with his ejaculation he can then enjoy a prolonged ritual – prolonged because of his self-control and his abandoned desire and expectation to ejaculate.
In fact, this abandonment of the expectation and the belief that he has to ejaculate, as well as the abandonment of his wish to do so, are two of the keys to how to accomplish this. Having a decided intention to not ejaculate is also a key. Moreover, an additional motivation for the man deciding to not ejaculate, and to practice this, is knowing that this path can lead to an even greater love sexual experience with ever greater enjoyment, and as well can possibly lead to an intense non-ejaculating love-orgasm that continues for much longer than the ordinary orgasm and can even occur multiple times in the whole ritual. This is all possible; however, a man may not believe this until he actually experiences it, and he will not experience it until he actually makes a decision to try it out.
A non-ejaculating love orgasm can be just as pleasurable and intense, even more so, than any ordinary orgasm. This love orgasm is special though, and it requires some practice involving mind, intention, attitude, and conscious breath. It involves both conscious breath and conscious surrender. This is discussed more in volume 3 of the tantra teachings, but the basic idea is for the man to continually find a good balance between letting go with relaxed abandonment, while also having just enough self-control to hold back from physically exploding.
The man gradually climbs the mountain of shakti ecstasy, which he easily does without any effort by just following in the flow and allowing his pleasure to build, while simultaneously maintaining his body-energy awareness in order to notice if the intensity is too much for him. If the intensity seems too much, he needs to immediately refocus in his breath, then relax his breath and his energy, and in effect, take a momentary pause from the mountain climb of ecstasy. In addition he may need to slow the rhythm or change the movement, depending on what most relaxes him, and his lover will need to cooperate with this, rather than struggle against his needed moment of rest or subdued movement. Then, once the man feels able again to return to the building fire of Kali intensity, he resumes his surrendering self-abandonment to the whole climbing passion of Kali-Shakti ecstasy. The more prana energy that the man has, as gained through conscious breathing, the more he will be able to withstand the intensely building fire of Kali. Yet this in itself is not the love orgasm; it's just the way leading to it.
The non-ejaculating love orgasm involves a steady but relaxed building of sexual pleasure, along with a power to avoid uncontrolled ejaculation. The man has to actually let go and surrender completely, then pass through the full raging fire of Kali ecstasy. This might ordinarily lead to an uncontrollable ejaculating orgasm, but the tantric yogi avoids this because he has already built up enough prana and can maintain conscious breath along full body sensation; so his body does not momentarily click out of consciousness which is a cause of ejaculation. So he can surrender into the orgasm with consciousness while also abandoning self-control. The key is that he needs to surrender his self-control or actually surrender his whole being – to either the woman or the Goddess, though at this point both are the same to him.
His breath is given to Kali, as it were, yet he maintains consciousness throughout this surrender, but without any personal control over it. Through all of this though, he is surrendering into the body of his lover and allowing her sexual shakti to blow through him away like wind, while he relaxes into the watery but fiery flow, and all the time allowing Her fire to consume him. In this way, the Goddess Kali takes the lovers on Her Journey into the infinite and unboundaried depths of Love Ecstasy. Kali first emerges through the woman, but then Kali consumes the whole experience, whereby finally the whole energy of the love experience is just Kali and no other.
Kali and female orgasmMuch of this also applies to a woman, in relation to her possible love orgasm, yet she obviously does not have to control or restrain ejaculation as does a man. She too has an ejaculating liquid, but her ejaculations do not suddenly end the sexual intercourse, as with men, so there is no practical concern to restrain herself. In fact, for a woman, restraint is the very opposite of what is needed. What she needs is to let it loose and swim freely in the energies of pleasure. She can just go for the mountain of ecstasy, without any restraint or self-control. Yet it is in her nature to climb the mountain slowly, so it is best for woman to follow her own nature, allowing her body to climb the mountain slowly and with ease, enjoying each moment and level along the way, without trying to rush it.
Some women worry about reaching a good orgasm, so they try to force it to make it happen, instead of enjoying a relaxed and natural building up the pleasure. This is not usually because she is impatient; rather, it is because many of the men in her experience are too quick to reach orgasm, such that the woman never catches up and often misses out. Some women have some difficulty reaching the orgasm, so they try to work more at at. Many women have just given up on it all. But the two main difficulties in it all is that: first, women tend to naturally take more time in building up to their peak, much more than men; and second, men tend to naturally build up quite quickly. So what we have here is a classic problem; that women tend to take longer to peak, while men tend to peak early. Obviously then, the man needs to slow down - with self-control, while the woman needs to speed up - by unleashing. Yet, if man can get the control down better, then both the man and the woman can take their natural sweet time to finally explode with one another.
Yet if a woman tries too hard or makes a too much of an effort out of it, then she will not reach the most enjoyable orgasm that is possible for her. All good orgasms, in fact all good sex, is best when one relaxes into the enjoyment and follows the natural flow of its rising intensity. If the build up of intensity involves too much self-imposed methods or too much self-effort, then there will be more selfness built up, and less surrender into the flow. Nonetheless, a woman may benefit from following certain self-active and assertive principles in her climb up the mountain towards a beautiful orgasm. But any assertive approach will need to be balanced by her allowing nature which will keep her moving in the flow.
Most women probably know how to achieve a physical orgasm, so in sex the woman could help her man learn what gets her there. But ordinary physical orgasm is not the same as a spiritual-physical orgasm – which can only be reached when a woman {and man} follow the natural flow. In order to be in the natural love flow, one has to get right into the flow and surrender consciously into it. One has to find the love flow, then jump right into it. One has to let go of all self-effort and just allow the flow to take one on a love journey up the mountain.
So now, once a woman knows the balance of her allowing nature and knows how to find the love flow, she can make use of some active approaches. The first active approach for a woman to have is more awareness right in her own body. Body awareness, or awareness in body, increases energy sensitivity. So the woman needs to increase her in-body awareness, especially focusing on her sexual energy awareness. For the more one is aware of, and even focused on, one's sexual energies, the more one will be sensitive in those places and sexually sensitive. If one is more body aware, then one will know those places, so there is no point in discussing those details. The principle here is to do an increase in body and energy awareness, or attention or focus; rather than merely being passively aware, or passively semi-asleep, or vague in one's awareness.
The second active approach, which builds upon the first, is to get right into enjoying any particular pleasures being felt and let the energies circulate all through one's body. In other words, now that one is more sensitively aware in the body and even focused on those areas where pleasure may occurring, the second stage is to get right into enjoying the pleasure, which means to let oneself be filled up with it, and let the pleasure circulate through the whole body. This is what it means to really get into the enjoyment; it is to allow pleasures to circulate so that the whole body comes into enjoyment. The main guidance here is to enjoy and let enjoyment fill the whole body.
The third active approach is with breath. Breathe shakti vital energy into the main sexual centre. Energize the sexual centre with breath – on the in-breath, breathe vitalizing energy into the sexual centre, using the mind to direct the energy by seeing and guiding the energy there. This focused breath energizing the sexual centre, combined with an increased sensitivity in that area due to greater body sensitive awareness, and combined with an attitude of really getting into the enjoyment and letting it circulate all through the body, will greatly increase sexual enjoyment and enhance the build up to an orgasm.
The fourth approach is more straight-forward. The woman simply tells or guides the man to what pleases her. In effect, she teaches her man how to especially please her. And she can do this without hurting the man's delicate ego by first telling him how much he is already pleasing her but then suggest for him (or lead him to) places, touches or movements that she especially enjoys. So the man learns how to especially please her and build up her sexual energy. The woman could even touch and please herself, right in midst of the sexual ritual, but it is always more enjoyed if one is treated and pleased by the lover.
Thus, a woman will benefit from using all of these four active approaches. Yet, at the same time, she needs to balance these active approaches with a complementing allowing approach. First, allow and follow the Natural Flow. Allow and follow the flow of the spontaneous dance. This natural spontaneous dance, involving both persons, will potentially lead both to spiritual experience. If the love ritual has a fixed plan or an intentional routine with preconceived expectations, then this may lead to an ego-planned fulfillment but it won't lead to a spiritual fulfillment.
Following the Natural Flow involves allowing oneself to flow freely, while also allowing the lover to flow naturally. Then, once each lover is fully allowing of their own natural flow, then both need to continually resonate with the flow of one another and to continually move towards harmonization, so that what unfolds is just One Flow.
For a woman, not all orgasms are equally intense, nor is a woman's ordinary orgasm necessarily a spiritual experience; most often it is just a physical kind of relaxing release. But her orgasm can be much more profound and also intense – in both its physical and spiritual/emotional experience. In order to reach a spiritual/emotional orgasm, the woman needs to get right into the love of it all, which includes opening up emotionally and being able to surrender to her lover. The more a woman's heart is open and she is allowing her emotional body to get into it all, the greater will be the possibility for her to have a more intense love orgasm. But similar to the man, she too will need to surrender herself, both to the man and to the experience itself.
She will need to completely let go of any self-control and any self-restraint. She will need to completely allow her shakti sexual energies and emotions to flow freely through her body and allow her whole being to be inflamed with love and enjoyment. Then, she will need to let herself merge with the man so much that his and her energies are without any separation. Simultaneously, she looses herself in her lover man and also in her own body raging energy, as the man's body and her body become one embracing, vibrating, unity of love energy.
Then finally, she must surrender to Kali – which means to surrender into the whole intensity of the consuming sexual fire and ecstasy. Then, with complete self-abandoment, she let's herself fall and dissolve into the pleasure itself. In this, she looses herself into Kali, and thereby enters into spiritual unity with Shakti. For Kali brings her into unity with Shakti, or unity with being the Goddess Herself. This deeper experience of Oneness and Wholeness will include the man as well. This is not just an ordinary orgasm but rather a physical-spiritual orgasm; which is not only an ecstatic pleasure of the body but also a spiritual experience of Union – with the man, herself, and the One Goddess all combined in one Unity of experience.
The Divine YoniThe Goddess Shakti is also referred to as the Divine Yoni. In practical tantra the yoni is the love passage in a woman, and also of course the birth passage. Yet cosmically or metaphysically, there is more to what this means. For like all parts in tantra, this can be understood both metaphysically in its Macrocosmic sense but also sexually in its microcosmic sense. The Divine Yoni can be understood either as the Yoni of Shakti, or as an aspect of Shakti, or even as Shakti herself. Each of these interpretations are true in their own sense.
Yoni is the Divine Receptacle {of Shakti}, while Shiva's Lingam is Divine Penetrating Light. Divine Light enters into Body {to be embodied} through the Yoni – the receptacle of Light. Lingam is also the Divine Intention towards love, joy and delight – all to be found in Shakti through Her Yoni.
The Shakti-Yoni is the Passageway between the Divine Potential and the manifest world. Deep within the Yoni is the Creative Womb of Divine Mother. This is the Great Lake of Divine Potential which feeds the many individual and unique streams of manifest expression. So within the Goddess Yoni are all Divine Potentials, all potentials of creativeness and of enjoyment, and all potentials of our self.
The Divine Passageway includes both directions – both from the Divine Source then back to the Divine Source. So, one way is from Divine Potential {the Womb of Potential} to Divine Expression {Divine Birth}. This is the direction that is going from the Inner to the Outer. This is also the direction from the One Source {Unity} to the plurality {and individuality} of creative expressions. Then, the other direction goes from the Outer back to the Inner. By analogy, this is when we take a retreat from our outer life and return to our inner being.
Out from Universal Oneness comes individuality; then individuality returns again to Universal Oneness. So this is another meaning of the Great Passageway, in which the Divine Self goes through in one direction {from Oneness to individuality}, then back through in the other direction {from individuality to Oneness}. Moreover, in the direction to individuality there is no loss of the Divine Self. In other words, each individual is still the Divine Self yet now in its mode of individuality. Furthermore, each individual contains all of the Divine Self, yet not all is realized or expressed in any single individual. Therefore, most of the Divine Self remains as Potential within each individual. So the Divine Self entering into individual manifestation is an ongoing and continuous Birthing Process of Divine Potential coming out into Expression {through individuality}. This is the ongoing Divine Birth, which can only occur through our individuality.
Yet this spiritual birth will not easily come to be, unless we {as the divine child} help it along with conscious realization and an allowing of the Divine to move through us into expression. The process of Divine Expression is the Birthing Process, which goes from Inner to Outer, from the inner Womb of Potential to the outer world of actualization, all of which is in the direction of outwardness in the Great Passageway.
The process of Divine Realization is towards the other direction in the Passageway. For this is when our consciousness turns from outwardness to inwardness, in order to go back into the Depth of who we are and realize our inner Divine Being and the many Potentials inherent in us. So the inward direction of the Yoni Passage is the individual making a conscious journey back into the Divine Essence {within}, to realize the Divine Self once again, and to perhaps even realize Divine Unity {the Unity-of-Being}. Thus, the individual consciousness journeys back to Unity consciousness.
This is the Divine Reunion, when Shiva reconnects with Shakti and re-enters through her Divine Yoni to become at One with Her again. The Cosmic movements of Shiva going out of Shakti, then back into Her, then out again and in again, continuously, through the Divine Yoni, is the Divine Cycle, the Divine Interplay, the Divine Dance. It is the Divine Love Play.
Another way of understanding the Divine Passageway and its two directions is that in one direction the Divine Consciousness {or Divine Self} is transforming from Oneness to Polarity {or Duality}, then returning in the other direction back to Oneness. This is the Divine Dance between Unity Consciousness and Polarity Consciousness, which is symbolized in the Love Play of Shiva and Shakti, in how they each vibrate between experiencing their polarized selfness and experiencing their Union, within the Love Ritual.
Even more specifically, Shiva goes in and out of a Unity experience with Shakti. That is, He alternates between going into Unity with Shakti and coming out from Her - which brings them both back to Polarity experience {the experience of being distinctly Two rather than One}. Even more specifically picturesque is in how Shiva Lingam comes into Unity through Shakti Yoni's complete embrace, but then the Lingam withdraws some from this Unity with Yoni, yet then returns again to Her. This is the Love Dance between Lingam and Yoni, or between Shiva and Shakti. Though it can consummate, at least for a time, when Shiva finally surrenders totally to Shakti and does not come out from Her, but remains inside Her in His surrender back to Unity with Her; thus consummating the Divine Union.
Unity in PolarityThis is one of the essential cosmic insights of tantra – that the Divine Being is continuously transforming from Oneness {Unity Consciousness} to Polarity {or duality consciousness}, then returning back again to Oneness. But the Oneness is never really lost! It is just not experienced in our usual polarity consciousness, which tends to be more of a dualistic view. So the Oneness is still here, even if not experienced when we are in the polarity {or duality} consciousness. And it is because of the prevailing eternal Oneness that any duality consciousness will eventual realize the interrelated Polarity and thus realize that this is the 'Polarity of Oneness'. For the polarity is really the One Being, Who is experiencing the Unity of polarity-in-relationship. The important realization for each side of the polarity, or for each individual playing that side, is that the whole interacting polarity relationship is the One Divine Being and that it is all actually in Unity. This is the Divine Unity {the One Divine Self} in Polarity Play, having a playful and dancing experience of being polarized beings in interactive relationship.
So now, maybe we can better understand the relationship between Shakti and Shiva. Each one in their own self is the One Self, because within each is the Whole Unity and within each are both sides of the Polarity. Each side of Polarity contains the other side as well, but this other side is their as-yet unrealized other half of the Whole. Thus, both Shiva and Shakti are, in their very own Being, the Divine Unity. This is why some traditions can say that Shiva is the One Self, while some other teaching say that Shakti is the One Self. Each tradition is right, because when each is just in their own Being, there is no two-ness anymore but only the One Self. Yet, when the Unity-of-Being divides into a Polarity-of-Being; then, both Shiva and Shakti need one another, because now they are polar opposites to one another, so now their relationship matters.
When Shiva and Shakti are in relationship, then the Polarity begins. Or, it could be said that when Polarity begins, then Shiva and Shakti are thrust into relationship. Or in other words, when the One Self polarizes, Shiva and Shakti then appear. And immediately they begin to interact, relate, and make play. They play in this polarity relationship for however long, with many dramas and even arguments. Then, because of the inherent Unity that is connecting each, which is a magnetic force bringing both together, they eventually enter into a love sexual ritual that is motivated by their polarity attraction, which will bring them closer to one another, merging experiences together, loosing their duality experience, to finally explosively fuse together back into the Unity.
With polarity, the Divine Being has a lot more going, than merely being One. Polarity opens up a whole range of possible experiences of inter-relational interactions. For the Divine Being, this is the enjoyable Dance of polarity relationship. So for the Divine Being {in Conscious Unity}, the Unity is never lost, because Unity remains right within the world of polarity and in the experience of polarity; even though each 'side' of the polarity will often be caught up in their particular perspective {their side of the polarity}, and thus not be conscious of the Unity involved in it all. This doesn't have to happen, but often it does, because each polarity side has its own individual consciousness {its polarity consciousness}, which has autonomy from the Unity Consciousness that gave birth to it. So in effect, each polarity consciousness does not usually realize the Divine Unity at play in the whole polarity relationship drama; yet the Divine Being is, nonetheless, always experiencing its Own Unity.
Divine Being in its Oneness polarizes into Consciousness and Body. This is the main polarization in the cosmos and also in our individual being. Divine Consciousness, as the Conscious Self, is Shiva. Our individual consciousness {or conscious self} is a microcosmic reflection of this One Divine Light, Consciousness, or Self. Divine Embodiment is Shakti and all of her multiple energies. Our individual body {and the energies of it} is a microcosmic embodiment of the Divine Self. Shiva {Divine Consciousness or Conscious Self} is playing in and out of Shakti {Divine Embodiment}. This is the Great Dance, which is also the Divine enjoyment.
Shiva is Light. Shakti is Life. Shiva is related to mind. Shakti is related to body. Shiva is the cosmic power of Consciousness, while Shakti is the earthly power of vital, creative energies. She is also the embodiment of Consciousness {or Spirit}. Both in relationship is Love. This is the basic principle of the tantra. It is all about relationship, the relation between two Cosmic lovers, or between two aspects Divine Reality, or the relation between two complementing aspects of our own being. The primary aspects of existence, Consciousness and Body, are brought together in an embracing relationship and merged together into a complete Unity. This is the inner meaning of Shiva embracing and loving Shakti, and vice versa.
Consciousness {Shiva} is continually seeking to be connected in Body {Shakti} or to Embody. This is the natural-cosmic Desire of Consciousness/Spirit – to embody, to have body, to manifest, and to experience being in the body and thus also in the energies of life, and to enjoy these interacting energies of life. So, Shiva is seeking to be in Shakti, as Consciousness is seeking to be in Body {or to embody}.
Through this body or this embodiment, Consciousness is able to experience enjoyment and delight; for otherwise, Consciousness/Spirit would have nothing tangible to experience. In turn, because Body now has consciousness in Her, her vital and sexual energies are awakened from their latent sleep, like a princess awakened by her prince. So, consciousness {Shiva} awakens the body and even excites her, because consciousness is like the light of the sun awakening the earth and catalyzing its potential energy excitement. Simultaneously, the body {Shakti} provides earth {place and home} for consciousness to experience sensuousness, beauty, and enjoyment.
In the actual love ritual, consciousness {Shiva} is continually going in and out of embodiment, moving in and out from being wrapped up and involved to being free in itself. This can be noticed when our consciousness is sometimes intensely involved-in the dynamic sexual activity or right in the body. But at other times our consciousness seems to drift out from the body and be somewhat transcendental to the body; almost as though needing to take a moment of not being so engrossed, wrapped up and involved in the intensity of the body energies and having a momentary break from it all, in order to reflect just a moment within the freedom of oneself not being simply in it all. These moments can be quite quick or else longer in duration. Yet all of this – this continual play between the freedom of consciousness and the involved embodiment of consciousness – is the microcosmic reflection of Shiva moving in and out of Shakti.
Shiva as TranscendenceBesides the metaphysical meaning of Shiva as Consciousness and of Shakti as Body, Shiva is also the Divine Transcendence, while Shakti is the Divine Immanence. Transcendence is Divinity beyond the confines of this world, remaining free of the world drama and independent in its Own Power. While Immanence is the Divinity of this world, or it can also mean Divine Embodiment. These metaphysical meanings are all intrinsically related. Consciousness is related to Transcendence; while Immanence is related to Body {or to Earth or to Life}.
Transcendence has three important related aspects. First, it is Being in just itself, without any content or form. By analogy in our own possible experience, this is when one is just-being, just being present, just being conscious, just being with what is; without any thoughts about it all, without any thinking about it, and without trying to do anything or make anything especially happen. Just being in the consciousness of Being itself – which is the transcendental Being of Shiva.
This then is related to the other two important aspects of Transcendence, one of which is Independence. Shiva has the capacity to remain independent of this world, independent of the many dramas and forces of life, and even independent from Shakti. While the nature of Shakti is to be involved. Her nature is embrace everything and involve Herself in it all. Woman has a natural tendency to embrace life and others with enfolding love and to be caringly involved with the many aspects of creative life. This tendency comes from Shakti. Man can, of course, also embrace with love and be involved. Yet man has an additional tendency to sometimes detach himself from involvement and embrace, or to sometimes seek independence and freedom from involvement. This comes from the nature of Shiva. A general tendency of man is to acquire Shiva qualities, while a woman acquires Shakti qualities, but both man and woman can potentially acquire qualities from both Shiva and Shakti.
The tantra recognizes both general qualities as spiritual and useful. As for example, we can see the spiritual value of woman or mother being caringly and emotionally involved with her family and friends. We can see the spiritual value of man and woman being closely involved in love and in the love ritual. Yet, we might also see the spiritual value of qualities such as detachment, independence, and freedom; all of which are needed to sometimes counter-balance a human tendency to get overly wrapped up in stuff or emotionally entangled in the energies of others. So a capacity for detachment, independence and freedom can also be appreciated.
At times it is important that we have some self-capacity, or self-power, to withdraw from the outer world and from the bustling energies of life, even at times withdrawing from social interaction in order to have quiet and meditative time alone. This might even include a retreat time from our very own patterns of repeating thought, desires and doing. So there is a spiritual reason and purpose for withdrawal, detachment, and dis-involvement. One does not need to be always on the go, doing or planning the next thing to do, even though this kind of personality is so often considered to be practical and successful. Nor does one need to always be social or involved with a partner, sharing every moment together or sharing every feeling or though one happens to have. There is a good purpose for retreat and solitude.
So if we can see involvement-in-life {or involvement with a lover} on one end of a string, and self-independence or detachment on the other end of the string, both ends have good reasons and spiritual purpose. Thus, both can be accepted and respected in our own self and in others. Once again, some sense of balance might be obtained and a mutual cooperation between the two. And again, this is all part of the cosmic dance of Shiva and Shakti.
We might also notice that Shiva has two sides to him, which has always been perplexing for many people. On the one hand, Shiva is known to be quite the lingam, so to speak. His lingam is all over the place. This god is making it with a whole assortment of Goddesses. His divine seed is all over the world; in fact, it's in everything. So he is most definitely getting out there in the world and enjoying it all as well. Most definitely, Shiva enjoys all of the Goddesses and all the pleasures involved. This Divine God is a lover! And yet, on the other hand, Shiva is known as the great ascetic yogi, who can withdraw from the world and from the body for long periods of time. So Shiva is also not attached to the world, nor to any goddess, nor to sexual enjoyment. It seems he can take it or leave it; but when he does take it, he takes it good. He enjoys life and his Goddess totally. Yet he also can enjoy being alone, quiet, uninvolved, and in a conscious meditation of just Being.
The third important aspect of Transcendence is Consciousness, which is another meaning of Shiva. Consciousness is, in its pure essence, independent of mental or emotional content and can even be independent of the body. Some might call this Spirit, which can be independent of the body, yet not necessarily so; that is, it can be either independent or involved {embodied}.
In tantra the spiritual ideal is not for our spirit or consciousness to transcend the body and world, to leave or to renunciate the body and world, which is often the case with some other eastern philosophies. Yet nor is the spiritual ideal of tantra to simply engross oneself in all or any dramas of world and embodiment. The ideal is not to merely be fixated in whatever. Yet the tantra does not make spiritual judgments about either of these paths, the path of renunciated consciousness nor the path of engrossed involvement. All experiences and even all extremes are seen to have some kind of spiritual value.
However, since both of these oppositely directed paths are spiritually embraced, it makes sense to have the capacity for both and to also learn how to balance these in life. So we can learn and develop how to free our consciousness from a tendency to sometimes get overly engrossed and lost in various dramas of life or get fixated on particular beliefs and expectations. At the same time, we can learn and develop a capacity to absolutely let our self be totally involved in an experience. As for example, letting oneself get completely into the love experience, however it unfolds, which includes being totally conscious in the body, being right in the body and experiencing all of one's dynamic energies.
Light awakens Her enjoymentTranscendence {Shiva} can remain independent from the world and others, which is Shiva remaining ascetic and uninvolved, just as consciousness can remain independent of the body. Yet Transcendental Being connects with Immanence {manifestation or body} and enters in her. Divine Transcendence penetrates into Immanence and seeds Immanence with its pure Being-Consciousness - which contains in it all Self-Potentials, the Potentials of Divine Being. Transcendence {Shiva} offers Itself to Immanence {Shakti}, while the Immanence lovingly accepts and receives Transcendence.
Also, what brings Divine Transcendental Consciousness {Shiva} out from the Peace of Pure Being, Solitude and Silence... and into the energetic and sensuous world of Shakti is a fascination with Her world of energies and form. Shiva Consciousness becomes interested in and fascinated with the energetic and sensuous forms of Shakti. He then wishes to experience Her {this world} directly and consciously. (He wishes to experience the forms that She has manifested from His transcendental potential). Then through this conscious experience, (through Shiva's transcendental Consciousness interpenetrating Shakti manifestation), the God experiences the enjoyment. God {and Goddess too} enjoys through our enjoyment. Thus, we give enjoyment to the Divine through our enjoyment.
The very nature of Shakti Immanence is to receive from Transcendence the Seeds of Divine Potentials, and then to be actively creative with this. For the very desire of Immanence is to creatively manifest a diversity of offspring from her beloved Transcendence, bringing into manifestation a whole great diversity of Divine reflections {of Her Beloved}.
So the Shakti Immanence has two essential aspects, to Receive and to Create, which are Her polarity aspects of receptivity and activity. Shakti is receptive to Transcendence, yet she is the active energy of manifestation. Her active energy is her Response to Shiva's Transcendental Consciousness entering into manifestation – into Her Yoni. Shiva gets Shakti's energies and juices going, by bringing to her the Power of Consciousness. Then, to the extent that She can receive this Consciousness, Her body vibrates with Shiva's energy which is her Response to Shiva Consciousness. This vibrating response then becomes Her own vibrating energy, the vibrating energy of manifestation. Of course though, most essentially there is only One Being, Who is both Transcendence and Immanence, Consciousness and Embodiment.
The transcendental Shiva Power enters into Shakti {into manifestation} as Divine Light. Perceivable light is Shiva in its objective aspect, while the experiencing-consciousness is its subjective aspect. Shiva, as Consciousness, is reflected into manifestation as individual consciousness. So own consciousness is a reflected light of Shiva-Divine Consciousness. Thus, we can experience Shiva as the essence of Light that is within us, the Light of our own consciousness. The more Light within us, the more consciousness we have or the more conscious we are.
Hence, the Lingam brings Light into the Yoni – enlightening Her with Consciousness. Yoni then sparkles and delights when penetrated with the Light-Consciousness of Lingam. The Lingam, in turn, now gets to feel and enjoy the Yoni {and Body} sparkling and delighting. For remember that Shiva (as our transcendental consciousness) can only experience the actualized, vibrating energies of sparkles and delight by way of actual life itself or by way of the Yoni or Sacred Temple of life.
An interesting side note is that in esoteric tantric Buddhism the Lingam is called the Vajra, which means 'diamond of light' or 'thunderbolt' (irresistible force), and it is even represented in a lingam-like looking object that can also be used as a weapon in martial arts. Though in the spiritual teachings, Vajra refers to the spiritual power of light within us.
The pleasure energy of Shakti-Yoni is fired up (or brought into actuality from potential) by the penetrating Lingam, the Consciousness of Shiva. In other words, Shiva Consciousness {or Lingam} awakens the Shakti energy-pleasure {of Yoni}. Shiva {being Consciousness} gets it going, gets this Shakti pleasure-energy excited and flowing; which is why Shakti-Yoni loves Shiva-Lingam so much. He excites her and fires her up with his penetrating Vajra Consciousness.
For Shiva, the Yoni is the Passageway of Enjoyment. For it is here, or through here, that Shiva experiences the pleasure and enjoyment of Shakti. Shiva receives the pleasure energy from Shakti, as this enjoyment {which is Her energy} fills all around him, vibrating and flowing all through him; while He simultaneously fills her with his Power of penetrating Light, His Consciousness, which awakens more and more of Her body pleasure energy. And so it goes, Shakti giving to Shiva her enfolding vibrancy and pleasure energy, while Shiva gives to Shakti his awakening power of consciousness. Each enhances and inflames the other; so as this continues, there is an increasing ecstasy and finally an explosive fusion of Shakti and Shiva, whereby they merge back together as One Being.
Of course, all of this can be understood in human experience as well. Our individual consciousness is a penetrating energy that triggers {or excites} the body energies. When there is no consciousness, as when we are asleep, the body remains in an unexcited state; and when we are less conscious in life or in the love ritual, then our body is less excited and less energetic. This fact becomes important in the love ritual, since some women tend to drift away from consciousness and into a half-conscious dreamy state, yet this decreases their pleasure intensity. The more consciousness there is in the body experience, the more intense is the body energy and its pleasure. Notice too that the key here is consciousness in the body, rather than a kind of out-of-body consciousness or body-transcending consciousness.
Consciousness {Shiva} is the power in us to actually experience and enjoy the dynamic energies of Body {Shakti}. Without consciousness, we would have no conscious experience of ourselves and our energies in action. This would be like Shakti all alone in darkness, still active in vibration, but no one to experience Her. Shakti not being experienced is like a woman not being recognized. It's like Yoni being all so lonely in Her unpenetrated darkness and undiscovered sweetness. For without Lingam {Consciousness} to awaken Her, to discover Her, to move through Her, and to love Her, She will have to sit lonely in her dark room, waiting for her divinity to be recognized and to be loved. Likewise, without Consciousness, the Body is unable to experience Herself.
Shakti is also known as the Earth goddess, while Shiva is the Sun god. So the Light of Shiva enters the Goddess Earth {or one's Body} to bring Consciousness. Consciousness-Light radiates and penetrates into the Body-Earth, while the Earth Goddess enjoyable receives this. The Light then increases the abundance of Life-Joy within the Body-Earth. The Light catalyzes and energizes the Body-Earth, increasing and intensifying Her energies, which then further increases the enjoyment of Shiva Consciousness.
Man's hymn to the
Love GoddessOh my Goddess,
you are moist with nectar,
beautiful and
powerful
as lightening in the night sky.
May you open your
lotus
to the fiery light of Shiva.
Your mouth wets,
your
breasts excite,
your flower blossoms,
your whole body
vibrates,
from the heat of your enjoyment.
Oh my Goddess,
I worship you in my heart,
I give you my body and mind.
Accept
me as your Beloved Shiva
and take me into your journey of Love.
Maya – the indefinable and
everchanging GoddessMaya is the cosmic aspect of Shakti as Form or Manifestation. So when we consider all Form or Manifestation, or Manifest Existence, this is all regarded as Maya. Of course, in essence it is all Shakti as is everything; but the specific goddess name for Manifest Form, or also for the world, is Maya. And as with all goddesses, woman is Maya. Though in a more general sense, man too is Maya.
The meaning of Maya is most often translated as Illusion, but there is no belief in tantra that this whole world, nor our body, is 'just an illusion' or 'but a dream'. That is the connotation in some Hindu and Buddhist teachings, but the tantra would not see it this way. For in tantra there is a complete acceptance and even reverence for all manifestation, all of the world and all of the body. All of our world and all lives and bodies in it is the Body of the Goddess, the Body of the Divine. All of this is Maya; but what this means in tantra is that it's all in perpetual change. Form, Body, Manifestation, Expression are always in trans-formation – (always changing formation or changing form). This is true in a physical sense, which can be verified in natural science. Everything is in some kind of change, though most often unnoticed because the change is usually very gradual.
Yet the meaning of Maya is really more to do with changes in our psyche, in our perceptions and in our experience. So Maya is really more about what is happening in our self-experience and in our experience of others. The “illusion” in Maya is that Her appearance has no definiteness. There is no definite or absolute 'truth' about the reality of Maya – about who she really is, what she really looks like, or how she always expresses. So to have a definite picture in mind about Maya, or about who this Goddess is, is the illusion. Remember also that Maya is the Goddess. She is Shakti, She is the One Goddess; yet when referring to the everchanging expressions and appearances of the Goddess, we call her Maya.
Whatever form is presently appearing is Maya, but this is not a definitive 'who she is', as though one could now say, 'ah, so this is who you are'. It is true that the particular form or quality of the goddess being expressed in this moment is The Goddess, but it would be a mistake to think that one now knows who She is, because this is just one particular form or appearance of who She is. So if a man gets stuck in thinking that he knows who she is because of how she is now appearing, then this thinking or this belief is the illusion (it is his illusion). For Maya has no limitation on her form or way of being, and she can change in any moment.
This is true for each woman, for every woman is Maya, the Goddess of many appearances, of many possibilities of expression and being. She can be anyone at any time. She can suddenly change her goddess appearance or her expression from being one kind of goddess to being another. And of course this not merely about changing her outfit, her hair style, or makeup. It's about her goddess quality of being, and it's about her feelings and also desires, which can change at any moment.
So the man should not get stuck in his thinking about her, or in his beliefs about her, that he definitely knows who she is or that any singular way of her being is just the way she is. In other words, the man should not get stuck in any fixed beliefs about this woman, nor about woman in general, nor about who or what a goddess is. For that would be his illusion, and he would be stuck in it.
The Goddess in woman is not limited and cannot be pinned down. Rather, She {Maya} has the power to change at any moment, or to trans-form from one goddess type to another. For example, She can suddenly change from being Lakshmi to being Parvati, or from Parvati to Durga, and there are even infinite possibilities between the four love goddess archetypes. So, Maya has this awesome power to transform into any kind of goddess expression, and She Herself cannot be pinned down as being just one of these.
This is one of the more profound meanings of Maya as illusion; because whatever appearance or expression one discovers about Maya is not really who she is, like “oh, this is Maya. This is how she looks. This is how she is.” Anyone's understanding of Maya, their picture of Maya, or their belief about Maya, or about who the Woman really is, or about who any particular woman is, will be a Maya illusion; because Maya {Woman} is an everchanging multidimensional Being with vast possibilities of expression, rather than just one way of being.
This is significant in looking at any particular woman, because man's mistake would be to set firm his belief about this woman and thus get stuck in his own thought-form about her, his own limited thinking about her; which can then, unfortunately, hold the woman down as though being pinned down by the man's fixed beliefs about her and who she can be.
Yet the woman too can get trapped or stuck in her own illusionary, limited thinking about herself. These limited beliefs about herself could have been suggested upon her by the man, but this could be the woman pinning down and trapping herself by her own self-beliefs. Our self-beliefs are also illusions, thinking that 'I am' this way or that, or pinning down a definite belief about 'who I am'. Yet in reality, each woman is the full Goddess Maya – Who can be anyone, who has many ways of being, and many possible goddess appearances.
Thus, Maya Illusion does not mean that the world and our bodies are unreal or insignificant. Rather, it means that the world is like many mirrors {of the Self} with many possible appearances and many possible perspectives on what is True and Real. Maya, as being the Reality we are in, is not one singular appearance, nor one singular Truth, nor can be pinned down by any one belief. The Illusion, then, is that what we are seeing at any moment and in any context is just one kind of appearance. We are seeing into the Mirror from just one perspective (our own), but She looks different from different views. Thus, Maya is an Illusion (or is Illusory) because all that we ever see of Her is just one of Her many possible Reflections, and this 'reality' can change at any moment, such that She will then appear different, or in another form, or in another way of expressing Herself.
Shiva
plays in MayaMoving on now to a few other profound meanings of Maya, it is said that Shiva is playing in Maya, which is usually interpreted as the Self (or as Consciousness) playing in the World of Illusion. Another related meaning of Illusion is the illusion of permanence, and also the tendency of our consciouses to get lost in our desires and in the dynamic energies of the world and of the body. The relationship between consciousness and body, between consciousness and sexual enjoyment, and also between non-attachment and involvement, are all themes represented by Shiva playing in Maya, in the very Body of Maya – playing and dancing in the everchanging world of manifestation {this world being Maya}.
A tendency of our mind, though, is to get lost in an illusion of permanence – that whatever is now, will be the same later on; or that the person we are seeing will be the same in this present moment as they were in previous moments. And in addition, there is a tendency to get lost in an attachment to certain desires and pleasures. But if we realize that nothing is permanent, then we might as well not be so fixated on any particular desire or be attached to a particular outcome. Nothing {no-thing} is ultimately permanent, which means that any absolute attachment to anything, whether it be material things, this physical body, this desire or that pleasure, or even attachment to our love partner, must ultimately be let go of.
This does not mean, though, that we need to wave goodbye to all of our desires and who we love; rather, it's a needed letting go of the attachment and the expectation. Keep the desire and even move passionately towards its fulfillment; but let go of attachment and expectation about it. So this sense of letting go of attachment doesn't mean that we now care not about anything or that one is now in an attitude of indifference whether or not one's love partner goes off with someone else.
One can still care and still have particular desires, rather than just be indifferent {or like whatever}; but one realizes a freedom and a love within oneself that is not dependent nor attached to any particular wished outcome. This is an attitude, a power, and a freedom within oneself of being able to move on from one moment to the next – without trying to hold on to the moment that just passed or without trying to go back nostalgically to what was and try to replay those moments. For what Maya teaches is that time is always moving on and so too is the reality of what is. One moment transforms into another moment
And thus, we need to have the power of shiva consciousness, which is in both man and woman; for this shiva consciousness {or shiva-self} is non-attached and free in itself. Like the great Shiva Himself, both man and woman, in their own shiva consciousness, have the power to be non-attached and free. Shiva can just walk away at any time from his love-pleasure with Maya. He has that power of self-freedom, which we all potentially have as well. This does not mean, necessarily, that one ought to just get up and leave – like walk away from love-pleasures or from one's love partner or from life. It just means that this is within our power; that it is possible for us to be so free in our own being that we are not ultimately attached to anything.
Shiva still enjoys Maya, just as Shiva enjoys everything and enjoys each moment. When Shiva is involved with Maya, and in Maya during the Love-time, Shiva is all into it. He's all over her and into her. But He is not attached to any single moment, nor to any particular form or appearance of Her. He is just 'with what is' and enjoying each moment of it, each everchanging moment of it.
And Shiva is dancing in Maya. He is dancing in and out of Her – in and out of momentary attachment, momentary engrossment – yet not permanently attached or 'lingering on' attached in any moment. Cosmically this is symbolized in Shiva's Lingam as it moves in and out of Yoni {Maya Yoni}. Shiva Lingam goes into the love-involvement to completely and deeply enjoy that moment, and really be involved in it all. Yet next, Shiva Lingam pulls away from Maya Yoni (though perhaps not all the way out of her), which is His Consciousness now withdrawing from Body-Pleasure attachment, to be now free of it all.
So this is the Dance of Shiva dancing in Maya, the dance between getting deeply-completely involved in the Body-Pleasure-Experience of Maya and moving out from this engrossed involvement towards a more detached state of freedom and independence from the Body-Pleasure. Of course, there are many more ways to also understand this Cosmic Dance in relation to the various aspects of life.
Our Mother EarthThe Great Mother Goddess is revered in the tantra. It is wonderful and healing to feel the Love of the Universal Mother. Her Love is all-compassionate and all-embracing, and none are turned away. Everyone is enfolded in the Mother's Love. The tantric yogi breathes-in this Love, then breathes-out his/her appreciation and gratitude for all the love that is given. The child and devotee of Great Mother has faith in Her and prays that She protect and nurture him/her. The Great Mother is all-giving, yet we also need to give back to Her our respect – which we can do by respecting all of nature and all of life, including all parts and persons of life.
The Earth Mother Goddess is also revered. She is our planetary Mother – a planetary reflection and manifest expression of the Universal Mother. So our Goddess Earth has all of the inherited powers and qualities of the Supreme Mother Goddess. She has love, life energy vitality, and also sexual energy. We see this sexual energy of Earth working through all lives and, of course, our own as well. Creative diversity and abundance is Her Aim, yet also enjoyment.
Our Earth Mother, the Earth Goddess, is a Real Being. This is not merely symbolic talk. Let us be clear here. None of the Goddesses mentioned here are merely symbolic talk. They are Real Beings, Real Powers, Real Qualities. And in regards to the Mother Goddess Earth, we need to know that She is very definitely Real. For we are all very definitely in Her energies, and we are part of Her manifest expressive Being.
So our respect, our reverence, and our gratitude need to also be Real – really sincere and authentic. For She is our sacred Mother, right here under our very feet, of Whom we touch and in Whom we breathe. She is our Life, and She is our Beauty. May we always feel love for Her and feel Her love for us. And if we do not, then we need to make more connection with Her and touch Her more with our heart.
Our Earth Mother loves us and gives to us. She gives birth to each of us; she gives us our life. And throughout the Earth, She provides to us food, resources and beauty. Our Earth is the Mother of everyone, so we all have the same Mother, and thus we are all brothers and sisters. We are all one Family of the Mother Earth; even though so many people still do not realize this. If we did realize this, then we would have more respect and an open heart for everyone, no matter what nationality, race, religion, or gender.
The very essence of the Earth Mother is to be caring and giving. So may we feel free to receive all the love, care and healing that she offers. But let us also reciprocate Her giving with our own giving of respect and gratitude. May we respect her sacredness and beauty, and may we protect Her from those who will just take without any real respect or care for Her. Our Mother will take care of us, yet we need to also take care of Her. Otherwise the great Balance is upset, then eventually Her fury will be the result.
The Earth Goddess loves us, but She might not always be kind, as we see in natural hurricanes and other forces harmful to our loves. But are we always kind to Her? Perhaps the Earth Goddess would be much kinder to us, if humanity were generally kinder to Her. A woman disrespected will react to this, because disrespect and lack of love will bring forth from her the rage and fury of her pain.
If we realize that the Earth is our Mother, then we would be respecting and loving Her much more; rather than defiling her sacredness with our pollution, our trash, our raping of her body and destruction of her beauty. Man seems to think that he is most important, more important than the well-fare and beauty of the Earth, and that he can take and take whatever he desires, without having the respect to give anything back or to at least love the one Who is so unconditionally giving to him.
In general, man (which really includes the whole family of both women and men, but we could here mostly point to men) has been carelessly and unlovingly disrespectful of his Mother. And related to his disrespect of the Mother Goddess, man (specifically man) has been generally disrespectful of woman. There is an important correlation between man's cultural treatment of woman and his treatment of the earth.
The appreciation of Earth Mother and all that is given here is a vital part of the tantra way, for the tantra is completely grounded in the earth, though realizing cosmic truths as well. The tantra is very earthy. The tantra is also very sexual, which is often the antithesis of other religious ways and other kinds of practiced yoga. Yet the tantra certainly reveres those spiritual qualities which are not sexual in essence. And those who do not practice the sexual aspects of tantra are respected as well as those who do. To each their own particular way.
Yet what the tantra uniquely offers is a spiritual way involving sexuality; rather than suggest that sexuality and enjoyment is less-than spiritual or should be suppressed and replaced by higher spirituality. Tantra embraces the body and sexuality. In addition, it seeks to increase our enjoyment of sexuality and all aspects of our body. Then, as well, it compliments this with meditation and a path towards greater spiritual realization.
The Journey into Love DivineIn the tantra both lovers seek to increase their closeness with one another and to give themselves to the other. Yet before being completely close, one has to step by step get gradually close. The key is to gradually, more and more, get fully into the shared energy of love. This might begin as touch and the rise of sexual energy. Then, as this sexual shakti energy increases, the energy of love will also gradually increase. Yet the more we get into it, with our whole mind, heart and body, the more it increases. And when both persons are moving towards each other – to be closer and to get more into one another – then the love energies increase tremendously. So the way of tantra, which is just a name for spiritual love, is for both lovers to increase closeness and to gradually immerse into the shared experience with the totality of oneself, in mind, heart and body.
This is not an ordinary kind of love making; for in this loving the lovers will immerse themselves totally in the experience – being unreserved, unboundaried, and spontaneous. It is a willingness of the lovers to explore new heights of possible experience and to be taken on a love journey into the mysteries. Only the love courageous shall enter here. Only those who are willing to abandon themselves to the other and to the whole journey will be able to enter into this kind of love. It is not for the usual, nor for the ordinary. It is only for those who will let go of any usualness and any ordinariness, in order to journey freely into the mysteries.
If love-making is a usual kind of experience, or if it’s a kind of routine, or if one is sure of what’s going to happen, then it’s not the highest of tantric love. The tantra is an opening to the unexpected and a discovery of more than ever before. It is being in an attitude of continuous discovery. This is the sacred attitude – the attitude that will make the love ritual sacred. If the attitude is sacred and the intent is sacred, then the experience will be sacred. Also, as we are open more than usual to the experience, or to the journey, and give more than usual to the experience, then we will get more than usual from the experience. Each needs to be willing to give of themselves.
If each person in the love-sex ritual is just in it for their own self pleasure, then this is not spiritual tantra. If there is no sincere caring about the other's enjoyment, then this is not spiritual tantra. In spiritual tantra there can certainly be self enjoyed pleasure and even an assertiveness towards it, and at times one may be in a perspective of self-centerdness whereby one's experience is primarily about 'my enjoyment' and 'what next for me'. That kind of self-focused perspective is alright in tantra, but it needs to be balanced, at least some, by caring also about the other and their enjoyment.
So the spiritual lover wants to give to the other, as well as receive. The spiritual lover wishes that the other enjoys the loving. In addition, the true lover serves the other and their enjoyment. Each lover serves the other lover, serving them by treating them as being Sacred, or as being the Beloved in the highest sense – as being the Divine Beloved, the Divine Goddess or the Divine God. If we can enter into this very special view of the other person, this woman or this man, as being Divine and Sacred, and even moreover as one's Beloved Goddess or God; then we will naturally want to serve them as being the Divine in manifestation.
In Christianity Jesus is regarded as the Divine incarnation, or as God in human form. This is beautiful. And Jesus is beautiful. So Jesus gives a woman an example of the Divine God in human form, and if Jesus is God incarnated or God manifest; then she could love God through her love for Jesus. In the tantra, this is how a woman can spiritually see and treat her lover. She can make love to her lover, like she would make love with Jesus or any incarnation of God. She could treat her man as a Divine Being – loving him, serving him, and perhaps even worshiping him as the Divine. More sensually, she will want to give him all of the enjoyment she can; just like the gopi devotees of Krishna bring Him their delicious fruit.
The devotees of Krishna see his Divinity. The woman gopi devotee sees him as the Divine God incarnated, as Divine Love incarnated. And so she worships him. She absolutely adores him. And she is ever ready to give herself to him, to give her whole body and being to him. She wants to give to him, she wants him to enjoy her, and she wants to enjoy him. She gives her total body and self to him, and also of course enjoys this, for He is the Divine. He is the Divine Body, the Divine embodied. So the gopi is not going to miss her chance at Divine Love tonight! She is going to go for it totally, giving him all of herself and everything she's got, without any restraint or holding anything back.
Thus, for a woman, Krishna is the archetype and prime example of Love incarnated in a human form. Krishna is God incarnated, and this God is a lover! So a woman might see her own lover as like a Krishna or as a Jesus, then love him as her Divine Beloved. Of course, it is not necessary for a woman to see her male lover as any particular divine being. These were just examples. What's important is to consider and treat one's lover as a divine being, a divine incarnation, a divine manifestation, and as a divine body. There are no particular rules to follow in tantra, yet if one considers the lover as divine then a higher quality of loving will naturally unfold.
The same principles are also relevant to a man in relation to his lover woman. She is a goddess. She is one of the goddesses. But as well, she is the Goddess Supreme; for she is the Goddess incarnated as this particular person and this particular body. She is divine. Her heart is divine. Her love is divine. Her body is divine and sacred.
This is what the man needs to realize. It is not something made up. This is not some kind of imagination. Imagination can be used to loosen up the usual kind of logic mind in order to see subtler energies and spiritual presence; but a woman's divinity and sacredness is not an imagination. It is real and needs to be remembered and respected.
Moreover, the true man lover will go way beyond mere respect. He will open his heart and mind to realize the woman's divinity and actually experience her body and her loving as the Divine Body and the Divine Lover. She is the Divine loving him. So he actually experiences being loved by the Divine – loved by the Divine Goddess, loved by the Goddess of Love. So he gives his love to her as he would to the Divine Goddess Herself. He gives his love to the Divine Goddess by giving his love to his lover woman. And what she feels from his love, the Divine Goddess also feels. For the Divine Goddess is actually present in the loving. She is present through the woman, and She experiences being loved through the woman. Therefore, whatever the man does, and however he treats the woman, is experienced by the Divine Goddess Herself.
Knowing this, the man loves his woman with all so much passion and worship, because she is the Goddess incarnated, and the Goddess is experiencing love through her. Thus, the man gives totally to the woman. For she is his Divine Beloved. He gives totally to her pleasure, and he gives all of himself to Her. He gives all that he has to the Divine, and he receives all the love and pleasure that the Divine gives. He receives love and pleasure from the Divine Goddess, the Divine Feminine, the Divine Lover, the Divine Beloved. And he receives this with both reverence and thirst. He drinks indulgently from her love, and fills himself completely with her love. He even immerses fully into her love and soaks himself in her love. So the man receives totally and enjoys totally; which is exactly what the Goddess wants. She wants the man to receive all of her Goddess Love and to rapturously enjoy Her. She wants the man to take all of Her love into him; just as She also wants to take him into Her. This absolute giving and absolute receiving is the very meaning of worship.
The art of loving is to completely go for it, completely get into it. You don’t hold back anything of yourself. Being completely in it is the goal, but this goal is approached in stages and degrees. Being totally in it and flowing with it is a very deep state of mutually shared experience, but it will take some time to reach. So in order to get totally into the experience, one has to gradually get more totally into the experience. This can also be understood as getting more into the flow of it all and into a shared experience in it all.
The two important keys for this are – to give of one's full self to the experience and to keep surrendering oneself into the totality of the shared flow. One needs to let oneself go into it all, get into it all, and even to lose one's little self into the larger shared love energy and its experience. One needs to just go for it, get totally into it, and finally even to get lost in it all. The goal is to be totally in the love, to experience totally and love totally. To give totally is how we reach this. As we give more and more totally, we get more and more close, and we get more and more into the whole experience. In this way, the energies gradually build. The goal is a special way of being in the experience, and this way is to maximize our being in it.
The key is for each lover to give of themselves fully to the love experience. Give of one's whole self. Give of one's whole body. Give fully to the shared energies and the shared enjoyment. The key to raising the whole vibration and experience of the love ritual is this self-givingness, whereby each is in the shared experience rather than just in one's own experience.
This distinction between being in one's own self-experience and being in the shared experience is important. For to be in the shared experience is the key to being totally in it. And this higher state of loving will probably take some time to get into. In ordinary sex this higher state {or flow} is rarely reached, because the partners are too involved in just their own self-experiences. Again, self-experience is not to be looked down upon, for this too is part of it all, but if we want to add in a higher dimension to the love experience, then we need to enter into the shared experience in which the self has dissolved and surrendered into. In this way, the lovers will then enter into a flow of being totally in it.
In some teachings, the way to reach this shared flow is by 'self-sacrifice', but the way does not need to be phrased in these words; instead we can understand the key to be self-givingness. For as we give of ourselves completely and totally, {giving of our heart, mind, and total body}, then we lose ourselves into the shared experience and we become totally in it all. One aspect of this self-givingness is giving of our self to the other person, and in the highest spiritual tantra each lover gives of their heart-mind-body to the Divine Beloved – who one sees as being the other. Then, even more profoundly, the lovers give of themselves to the shared experience – which is the total whole experience of the Divine Love Dynamic.
This is very profound to understand. The other, one's lover, is seen as the Divine Beloved, and thus one gives of oneself totally to Her or to Him. And this is very beautiful, this self-givingness, this givingness of one's totality of body-being to the Divine Beloved as manifested through one's lover. This is the first great key. Yet then, along with this, there is one further step to take, one further step into the totality of love or of being totally in it, which is to give of oneself totally to the whole, undivided, seamless flow of shared experience – which is the Whole Divine Flow and Dance of Love – which is the One Whole Love Divine Being.
This is the Shared Experience of Shiva and Shakti in Love, in their Love Dance, which is one whole flowing energy dynamic and is really One Experience, or a shared experience. Or, if preferred, this can be understood as Krishna and Radha in their most intense love ritual experience, their beautiful god and goddess bodies merging together in a sensuous, sexual love flow ecstasy, while each loses their own self into the other and into the whole totality of shared experience, this shared divine love energy experience.
Perceiving the Divine in each otherOne of the more important teachings in the tantra is about perceiving and experiencing the Divine in one another. This could be at any time, but there is a special opportunity for being able to do so when in the love ritual. For here in the intertwining energies of sexual energy and love, our normal ordinary consciousness is already altered, and we are certainly now close enough with one another, more than ever, to perceive the Divine. So if it is ever going to be possible, then here is the chance. Ordinary thinking will not believe this is possible, but it is part of the tantric way.
Yet what does perceiving the Divine actually mean? A perception of someone is how we experience them. It's how we see the other. But our perception of someone is not necessarily 'visual', for it could be a sensing or a feeling kind of experience. This is important to remember in regards to 'perceiving the Divine', or of perceiving spiritual qualities or powers in a person, because this spiritual perception is much more subtle and ethereal than our ordinary perception of just the physical appearance of a person. So the meaning of perception here is quite general. Some people more easily perceive in a visual way, while others feel what is present or sense the energies present in a person.
Now a perception could be quite ordinary or regular, meaning that it's our usual kind of perception, our usual experience of the other, which could also be called our perceptual habit, since the same perception tends to repeat itself over and over. Now someone might argue that their perception of their love partner is usually or continually the same, simply because that other person is 'always' the same. But is this really true? Are you sure? For perhaps the 'sameness' is not so much in that other person as it is in the perceiving. So this is something each person needs to consider – how their own perception, or even their way of perceiving, can become habitual and routine, which then makes the other person seem as though she or he is 'just the same as usual'. The usualness may not be in them at all, but rather in us.
Thus, one of the first principles to consider is developing an ability to perceive with freshness, to see the other person in moments of fresh perception – new perception, which requires the perceiving mind and heart to be open to a fresh new experience of the other, which is to be open to some surprise of what might be newly revealed in the other. This is the best perceiving attitude to have, without any preconceived expectation.
It's sort of like a man being really awake and watchful of what the woman will suddenly reveal of herself. Being awake and watchful for what layers will suddenly slip away to reveal a part of her not before seen. Being awake and watchful for what veils might suddenly drop, to reveal what was previously covered up (not really by her so much, but more so by the man's own perceptual veil).
In esoteric tantra, which is all based on symbolism and analogy, this unveiling of the other could be translated as the 'delightful strip', the stripping away of veils which hide her secret and delightful beauty. It's not really a striptease, though, because she is probably not trying to tease, but rather her beauty can only gradually be revealed. A woman could be hiding or protecting her inner spiritual treasures, but the major cause of the veiling is the man's veils in his own perception – his own inability to really see or perhaps his careless habit of not even looking. So the man needs to gradually uncover the woman, gradually strip her veils away, to see and delight in more of her hidden beauty. But the veils to strip away are actually the man's own veils of perception. This will be a gradual stripping away of one veil at a time, a stripping of one 'layer of seeing' at a time, such that one's love partner is more and more revealed {with less and less veils of the usual}.
In this way, her spiritual beauty and love, and many other special qualities of her, are gradually revealed. More of her spiritual light is revealed and recognized by the man, and this light carries in it all of her beautiful inner qualities – though one quality at a time is revealed, just as one color is seen at a time from light, even though a vast spectrum of color is always potentially present in that light, yet not always seen.
Now of course, all of this is actually relevant to both man and woman; it is equally applicable for both, because really we all might have a tendency to experience others with perceptual veils, and thus fail to see their spiritual light and its many beautiful colors.
This possibility of perceiving much more of the other than previously perceived has to begin with one's attitude, one's perceptual attitude, which starts with our intentional wakefulness in the very moment of perception. Next, it involves a dropping away of expectation, a freshness of seeing, and an openness to surprise in what is revealed. And this attitude might also include a 'delight in discovering'.
Yet because this new attitude and new way of seeing may not be our usual way of seeing, it will require some intentional practice. This doesn't mean, though, that one has to try really hard or put a lot of intense will into it. Rather, the intention should be easy and gentle, like simple soften the eyes and enter into a receptive state of mind, so the intentionality is a lot to do with simply being more awake, open and receptive in these moments of deeper perception.
Both man and woman can make this a practice, in order to develop this kind of extraordinary perception, or deep perception. Even more fundamentally, it has to begin with a spiritual respect for each other, which then proceeds into an actual spiritual recognition, and then turns into a kind of amazement, a new awakening to the spiritual being that was already there yet had not been seen before that moment.
In the tantra, man is especially asked to make this leap from ordinary perception to extraordinary and deep spiritual perception, or in what is also called 'penetrating perception', in order to see the divine Goddess present in woman, or to at least begin seeing the woman's inner divine qualities that are normally veiled from the man by his own veils of perception.
Of course this is not just about seeing her outer beauty – which could then be recognized as an expression of the Goddess of Beauty. It is not just about seeing her qualities of love – which could then be recognized as an expression of the Goddess of Love. It is not just about seeing her artistic qualities – which could then be recognized as an expression of the Artistic Goddess. Nor is it just about seeing her qualities of wisdom, nor just about seeing her achieving abilities or the power of her will, as expressions of those goddesses. The spiritual perception is about all that, but not just about all that. For the perception can be even deeper – which is to actually see her as the Goddess! Or to see the Goddess actually radiate through her.
It is possible for a man to experience or to feel or to see a Presence or a Power that is moving through the woman and even through the love intercourse. This is the Power of the Goddess, or the Quality of Her Presence. It is a noticeably tangible Power or Presence, that is 'greater than the ordinary', greater than what is ordinarily felt or experienced. Yet so often, the Goddess Power and Quality goes unnoticed because our awareness and our subtle senses are not open enough. This is true for both man and woman.
The energy or power of the Goddess cannot be experienced or felt, unless the man is especially receptive and open in his senses. This is also true for the woman, because she will ordinarily neglect to notice when a greater power and presence is moving through her, unless her awareness and inner senses are more than usually open. By analogy, someone could be taking a walk in nature when an unusual breeze passes through; yet this will not even be noticed unless one's senses are openly awake. So in our routinely ordinary awareness we often fail to perceive or sense much of what is actually present. Thus, in order to perceive, experience, or feel a Goddess Power or Quality; our senses, our feelings, our awareness all need to be receptively open more than usual.
Practicing deep
perceptionAt certain special times the lover might be perceived as a Divine Being or as the expression of a divine power - which is felt to be greater than the person themselves. Such a perception may be spontaneous and unexpected, or it may be due to an intentional depth of perception as practiced by the tantric yogi (male or female).
We make penetrating perception, or deep-perception, an intentional practice, because the habitual routine of our ordinary mind is to repetitively see the same, and in the same way, over and over again; which means that the lover is repetitively perceived in a limited way, rather than our mind and heart being open to perceiving much more, or much deeper. Our mental habit (tamas) is to repetitively see the same – the same outer surface or the same veil. Thus, we need to intentionally practice deep perception, in order to perceive through the veils (the very veils that we hold up in front of that person) and deeper into the person's true essences of their soul light.
This is not a 'made-up' perception, but rather a looking deeper into what is the true reality. This experience may last continuously for some time and is one of the higher experiences of the love ritual. This deeper perception is not really too difficult at all, because it mostly requires that one drop down the veil that one is holding up in front of this person. This is what people usually do when perceiving the other; they look at a veil that is held up in front of the other – yet this veil is the creation of the perceiver. It is a veil composed of all sorts of thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and expectations about this other person.
We need to learn to see how a person truly is, not how they were yesterday or even a few moments ago, but how they are now in this present moment. For only in the present moment can we see the light emerging anew and revealing what we previously had not seen. This is the light of surprise, emerging out of the dark and in the present moment. Here, light spontaneously reveals new colors and qualities, one's which were already there in potential, or maybe even already manifesting, but which we have yet to see. So this emergence is a surprise to us. It may seem totally unexpected, like in one moment this light, or a quality of this light, just suddenly appears. Suddenly it is there, expressing through this person. This is good. It means the perceiver is in the present moment, because sudden awakenings and immediate surprises only emerge in the present moment.
We must raise ourselves out of the sludge of expectation, where we never see anything new because we live in the presumption that we already know it all, we've seen it all. We already know this person or this lover. There is nothing new about her. She's always the same. That is the great illusion, the great deception. But it is our own fault. It is of our own doing. We are believing that this other person is already fully known and that we'll never find anything new or different, other than what we presume is always there in their personality or self-expression. But this kind of presumption is blinder to seeing a person anew or seeing what we have yet to see.
Sure, we all have personality patterns which appear to repeat themselves again and again. There is an element of sameness to us, and many people feel comfortable with this. But there is also much more in everyone, much more potential as yet unmanifested, and much more beginning to emerge which is not yet being recognized or acknowledged. So, one needs to be open to the Light of Surprise, being open and Recognizing of that which is beginning to emerge, or of that which is seeking to emerge right now in this present moment.
The possibility of seeing or experiencing the Goddess, whether this be a direct experience of Her or through one's human lover, is helped by one's spiritual attitude in both heart and mind. This is the perceptual attitude of openness and receptivity. Interestingly, openness and receptivity are natural qualities of woman, so a man might need to develop and practice these qualities and this attitude; which is one of the great secrets to having a deeper and richer experience of love.
In addition to this attitude of openness and receptivity, involving both heart and mind, the possibility for perceiving or experiencing the Goddess can be helped by an open spiritual imagination. This does not mean that our experience will be unreal or made-up. Rather, spiritual imagination is a kind of instrument of the mind for tuning into the spiritual world and for perceiving the Spiritual Goddess – her qualities, her energies, and powers. Imagination is a divine power in us, which gives us a capacity to step over the wall of ordinary and usual perception. Thus, we can use our spiritual imagination to tune into the Goddess of Love, so that we can then receive Her Love.
Seeing the
GoddessThe man can see in his woman one the four love Goddesses – Parvati, Lakshmi, Durga, or Saraswati. All of these, as well as any other goddesses we are familiar with, are like important landmarks in a vast and beautiful Landscape. They are important to see occasionally, and they help orient our understanding about the bigger landscape picture. They also help us understand that there are different perspectives in viewing the Total Landscape of reality, as in having different perspectives from the north, south, east, and west, ...as well as the different feelings and qualities of energy in each of these directions.
But what is most important is to have an open perception to the whole landscape, and to be open to whatever comes into the foreground of our awareness, because in that whole landscape are all sorts of surprising beauties. So be open to seeing and appreciating whatever beauty or spiritual quality is discovered. One does not have to look really hard for something; rather one just needs to be receptively open to whatever is truly present – or to whatever (or whoever) is presenting itself.
Therefore, be open to perceiving whatever goddess suddenly presents herself, open to whatever kind of goddess is revealed through the woman, which does not have to necessarily be one of the four goddesses. Just be open to perceiving and experiencing the Great Goddess in whatever goddess appearance She happens to present Herself as, in whatever goddess quality this is, and in whatever kind of power this is. Moreover, each experience will be unique. Each experience will be a new revelation of the Goddess ...and a new revealing of the woman one is with. Each moment, then, is potentially a new surprise, a new wonder, a new experience.
So when in the actual love ritual and in the intensity of it all, it is then possible for a man to see his woman lover in a much deeper way – in a surprisingly new way, in a way never ordinarily seen. But he needs to be truly open in his seeing, being truly open to seeing her with fresh eyes, even smelling and feeling her with fresh senses, rather than remaining locked into his usual ways of perception. Then, through this fresh and new perception, the man is able to see deeper than ever before, deeper into the reality that is there but normally not seen.
So then what can open up for the man is brand new perceptual awakening of who he is with. And as long as he can refrain from reverting back to his ordinary surface perception of his woman, but instead stay in in the fresh and open perception, there is then a good chance for the Divine Goddess to suddenly appear to him, to be revealed through his lover woman. In other words, if the man is in the right attitude of perceptual openness, he can then perceive and experience his woman as a Divine Goddess. This is not just a thought; nor is it a made-up thought. It is an actual perception, an actual experience, of a Goddess appearing to him, and this Goddess is none other than the woman he is inside of, kissing, and giving himself to.
Then, at this point, the man is making love with an actual Goddess, a Goddess with divine powers. This Goddess can then take the man for a journey into Her and into Her spiritual world. If the man has enough courage, he will go deeper into Her and follow Her into magical energy. He will be so much in Her enchantment that he will be in worship, and he will give to Her everything She wishes. He trusts Her and gives himself completely to her. And in response, She takes him further along the wave of love and into the journey of new awakenings.
This particular Goddess discovered in the woman does not have to fit into any preconceived image or belief of what She is. It is helpful to study the goddess teachings, but at some point in the loving the man must abandon all preconceived ideas about the woman, just as the woman must abandon all preconceived beliefs about herself, so that a fresh new perception is possible.
It is best if the man can simply see afresh, without thought, beliefs, or expectations. Then, he sees what he sees, he experiences what he experiences. This is the best attitude to have; just be open to what is and to whatever unfolds in the experience. Then the woman can be seen as a Goddess; or the Goddess can be seen through the woman. This then is the Goddess present. She is the One Goddess, Shakti, appearing as this particular Goddess.
But the name of this Goddess or having some kind of vision of the Goddess is not as significant as experiencing or feeling Her Power or Her Quality of presence. In other words, the man does not need to know which goddess this is, nor even be concerned about this. At some point, it doesn't really matter. What matters is the man's actual perception and interaction with this Goddess, whoever She is. (But remember that all goddesses are different expressions of the One Goddess anyway). This Goddess is unique, yet she can lead the man to the One. For the man, what matters most is that this is my Goddess, whoever she is, and this Goddess of mine has the power to take me on a spiritual journey that can potentially lead to the One – to mystical spiritual Union.
The Sacred in
each otherThe tantra understands sacredness in the love ritual in two basic ways. The love ritual is sacred because it involves Divine Powers or Beings, if we can recognition of such Presence. And, the love ritual is sacred because it involves the spiritual needs and spiritual love of two human beings.
There is divine sacredness both in Divine Beings and in human beings. The tantra doesn't see these as exactly the same, but they are certainly related. A divine Being, such as a Goddess, is a Power or Quality of the universe, and is part of the Unity of Being. A Divine Being is born from the One Divine Being and so is born from Pure Spirit. A human being is born from the Earth. Yet the Earth Itself is a divine Being, a Goddess, so human beings born from the Earth are Her divine children. Moreover, because we are all born from the Earth Goddess, we are all divine as well. Ultimately, everything and everyone there is must be divine, since nothing but divine Beings could have ever been born the the Original Divine Spirit. In addition, each human being has divinely inherited potentials for realizing and manifesting any or all of the divine Powers or Qualities.
So it is important to understand that each human being is as sacred as the Divine Beings, because each human being has been born from the Divine and carries the Divine inside. As well, each human being has an inherited capacity to realize each Divine Being, Goddess or God, and to also express their Qualities in human life. Once this is understood, then we start to see each other as divinely sacred, rather than a usual boring way of seeing each other. This is how we can respect the Great Divine – by respecting the Divine in each other. Moreover, as a person is truly respected for being divine and sacred, the Divine within them emerges more into the open and more into actual expression. This is the magic of sacred respect.
But you’re not inventing the experience, as though one has to imagine what is really not there. The spiritual truth is there, the sacredness is there; it just needs recognition. It just needs to be seen, which is something we each need to do. Thus, sacredness depends on us to perceive it or to recognize it. This then also leads us to respect that sacredness. Or if one cannot yet really see the actual sacredness, then first begin with respect – be careful, kind, and non-manipulative.
To make love sacred, or to make any relationship sacred, we need to begin with respect. For example, if one enters a temple without real respect, then the temple will not be sacred in our experience. We won't experience the sacredness of this temple. Moreover, we could be defiling the temple or lessening its energies by our lack of respect. So the same is true for love, for the ritual of love, for our own bodies, and for one another. Without respect, as a first approach to anyone or to anything, we cannot experience the sacredness, and we may even be harming the sacredness that is there. Thus, first respect sacredness. And note that respect means, in its etymological roots, to re-see or to see-anew.
But can we sincerely respect the sacredness of someone, or a ritual, if we have not yet recognized the sacredness? So perhaps recognition must come even before respect; yet both are intimately related. For if one recognizes the sacredness, as for example the sacredness of a special tree or the sacredness of a lover's body, then one naturally feels to respect that sacredness – meaning to treat that tree or that body with respect, with sacred respect. And on the other hand, if one respects the sacredness of a body or a person – meaning that one is approaching that body/person with an attitude of sacred respect – then one is much more likely to then recognize or directly experience that sacredness.
Recognition itself is a sacred aspect of love and the love ritual. As we recognize the ritual of love as sacred, and then go on to experiencing it as sacred, it makes the ritual sacred. The sacredness is in how we experience it. It's all about how we experience, just as much as in what we do, that makes it all sacred. In fact, the recognition and the actual experience of sacredness might even be more important.
For example, one could be routinely placing flowers at an altar, which is a doing aspect of sacred respect, but doing this without any real recognition or actual experience of the sacredness; while someone else might actually recognize and experience the sacredness of this altar, yet did not bring any flowers to give as respect. The giving of flowers to the altar, or to a woman, is of course a wonderful act of giving; yet an actual recognition/experience of the woman's sacredness is far superior to the mere giving of flowers. The recognition is much more subtle than the bouquet of flowers, and much more profound, for the recognition will actually be felt by her soul.
Touch her body {or his body} with a similar respect as one would touch a sacred altar. And at the same time, be open to a new and spontaneous recognition of the body/person sacredness; be open to a new awakening to the realm of sacredness – which is like a realm of brilliant light radiating from the body sacred. And remember also, that this sacredness feeds the soul of the one who realizes it. The sacredness, or shall we say the recognition of sacredness, feeds the innerness of our heart and gives us an aesthetic spiritual joy.
Then, after respect and recognition, comes the possibility of appreciation and admiration. Just as respect and recognition go together, so too appreciation and admiration go together. These are all important ways of seeing one another, and they are all related in that each way of perception nurtures the other. Appreciation and admiration go hand in hand, like Krishna and Radha. This is why the divine and sacred love relationship between Krishna and Radha is so beautiful. It is because each one recognizes the Divine in each other. And as they each recognize the other's Divinity and lovingly admire that Divinity, then more of the Divinity actually comes forth to play. Each is encouraging and nurturing the Divine unfoldment in one another by way of their respect, recognition, appreciation and admiration.
Respect is a first step, which is why spiritual teachings remind us to approach and enter the temple with an attitude of respect. So we need to approach each other with respect, touch with respect, and converse with respect. Yet appreciation and admiration even go further. These are very high spiritual recognitions. When we admire the other person, we are seeing the largeness of their soul and their beauty. We are seeing the greatness of their spectacularness, rather than seeing the person as small or having a small importance. Admiration is seeing the greaterness of the person, rather than their lesserness. So in our admiration the person's divinity is being recognized; that is, we are seeing the divine being in them. We are seeing the Krishna or the Radha in them, and so their light or their beingness seems larger than usual. Thus, we help bring forth the greater in one another by way of our admiration; rather than make that person 'small' by thinking of them in a small way or by failing to see their blooming divine qualities.
Just take a moment to look closely at a beautiful flower. But really look at this flower and really see this flower, rather than just glance at it in a usual brief way. Then, by taking some precious time to really see the flower, we will have a greater than usual experience of the beauty, and our admiration will naturally come forth to meet that beauty. This is the possibility we can have with one another. Admiration meets beauty and loves her, and beauty blooms from this admiration which she loves.
So this is not just about the relationship of Krishna and Radha, nor is this just about Goddesses and Gods; rather, it's about what is possible in our human perception and in our love relationships. For each of us can be recognizing and admiring the Divine in each other, which is to see and also admire the light and the beautiful qualities of each other. Because the Divine is in us! It's just seldom recognized. Maybe because ordinarily we are not even looking for it, nor even open minded enough to see it.
Respect of the
individualBeing able to perceive the Divine in another person is very special; for one is not just seeing the person, but also the Divinity which is expressing through the person. This Divinity might be perceived as a divine quality, a divine power, or a divine inspiration. Or, this might be perceived as a divine goddess. In tantra this is believed to be possible and it is to be valued, but it is not any ordinary experience. Also, one can recognize the divine being within oneself and expressing through the love ritual. These recognitions of the Divine expressing through the other and through oneself are sacred aspects of the love ritual.
Yet all of these Divine qualities can also be appreciated as beautiful human qualities – qualities of our humaness. Respect and appreciation of the other, as a person, as a real human being, is as important in the tantra as having an experience of a Divine Being expressing through that person. In fact, it is often through this perceptual respect of the 'person', as another human being, that the divine perception is made possible.
As one perceives more deeply into the person, and perceives the qualities of this human being, and also allows those qualities to express in their natural spontaneity, then one begins to experience the magnitude of their divine beauty, as well as the divine power moving through them. Thus, the manifested love, beauty, innocence, caring, warmth and sensitivity of this person reveals their divine nature. Both the expressed givingness and the expressed needs of the other, as person, reveal the truth of their divine nature.
We can perceive the other as a person manifesting qualities recognized as distinctly their own, but also, with wider understanding, as reflections of our own essences of being human. Thus, one recognizes the divine essences of both the other and oneself, by perceiving these essences in the other. In other words, at one moment one might be recognizing divine essences in the other; at another moment, one might be recognizing the divine essences of oneself as reflected in the other; and at other times one might recognize the same essences in both and the other, simultaneously.
There is a deep and transforming effect within us when we are truly recognized as being sacred, beautiful, or of value. And whenever one of our inner latent spiritual qualities are recognized, that quality within us knows this and smiles with a happiness for being recognized. Then it emerges out into the open from its inner hiding. The recognition from another opens up a window of trust inside us, whereby our latent spiritual quality, like a virgin young woman, unveils herself openly and revealingly.
In addition, as we love a person with understanding and appreciation for each of their qualities, we heal their fears and wounds of insecurity and self-doubt. Everyone comes to love with some insecurities and fears of not being loved, and these fears can be redeemed through love. As well, each person comes to love with as yet unrecognized qualities of beauty and love, and these can be integrated into the whole self-knowing of the person through their recognition, their appreciation and love by another. This is the beauty and healing of love which intensely comes to force in love-making.
Our recognition of the other, in their most human of qualities, even including their doubts and insecurities, and our love and understanding of these, allows a healing of the heart through the awakening of being loved. The lover just loves, and keeps on loving and giving, recognizing and appreciating, which keeps on healing and furthering the flow of love within the other and in the relationship.
As one recognizes some of Divine Love manifesting and expressing through the lover, then even more of this awakens within the lover and more of it is able to come forth. The recognition of love brightens the beauty of its expression. Recognition awakens the sleeping beauty within and makes this beauty smile with brilliance. Recognition of love awakens more of the power of love, it opens the way for love to unfold. Love begins to come out when it is recognized.
The divine powers come out when recognized. Magic comes alive once you give some faith to it. Begin to look for it and you’ll begin to see it. This is the cosmic rule. Angels only appear to believers. Divine beings, or spiritual powers, will only appear when you look. They’ll make themselves known when they are recognized. They will unfold if given the opportunity, and the opportunity is given when one makes the effort to see. Look into your lover and see.
Look into yourself and find. If we would just look for the spiritual love, the healing love, and allow its presence to unfold and be shared with us, then we would feel loved and be healed by love, and that love would be able to come forth with ever greater brilliance and power. As we form a closer relation and connection with this love, we will feel more in union with it and find that our inner being resonates with this love, recognizing oneself as love awakening, as Divine Love awakening and expressing through us. Such is the magic of Love.
The light in each otherIf we can see the light within each other, their light will grow brighter and it will gradually emerge more and more into manifestation and expression. This seeing is the key to healing and to evoking the light within them. This light is the spirit within them, which we can see with our spiritual perception and recognize with our intuition. Look for the person's radiance. This is the key, and this is the highest form of psychic awareness, as we learn to see the radiance of light within others and in life around us. We might even see the particular qualities of this light, the various qualities unique to this particular person or form of nature.
Each person, in their essence, is an emerging light, with a unique set of qualities or colors, and these unique qualities form the beauty of their emerging essence. Within light are many potential colors. Most of us see seven colors of light, yet in a sense there are infinite possible colors in the essence of light, but normally see so little of what is potentially there. This is analogous to the light in each other and the many potential qualities which we normally miss out on seeing.
Besides this usual limitation of how we perceive, we sometimes have a tendency to try and make someone into what we think they should be, or into a particular color of beauty which we personally like. Then, when doing this, we often justify it by thinking that we are helping them be a certain way that we believe is best. This is kind of subtle manipulation, even if we do it with a good intention to help. We need not create beauty in others, nor create light in them. All the light of which they are, and in which they need, is already within them, just waiting to emerge in brilliance and in various qualities of beauty.
So the way that we can truly be helpful for another, in a healing way, is to help their inner light and spiritual beauty to come out, to emerge from its hidden depths to freely shine and express. But besides this possibility of helping the light of another person emerge, we can also nurture and coax the light in our self to emerge. The same healing principles apply to both our self and someone we hope to help; which include love, respect, recognition, and allowing.
The beginning step of healing is respect, both our own self-respect and our respect for the individual uniqueness of others. Respect is a willingness to see anew, to re-spect oneself or another. To respect is to give the light a chance to come out and be accepted. And this is similar to trust, when we trust the light and the goodness emerging from our self or another. Even if the other person, or our self, appears to be dark, depressed, or in rejection of the light, we need to have some trust that the light is nonetheless present within and awaiting its accepted and allowed emergence. So the light needs love, respect, trust and allowing.
This inner hidden light within us is our soul child. She wants to come out of hiding and unveil her inner beauty. But she will only do this with a lover – or when there is love awaiting her. She will only unveil herself when there is present love and respect. She will not waste herself and be abused by a lack of respectful recognition. She will not come out only to be unacknowledged or suppressed or criticized She only wants to be loved. She only wants to be free in herself and loved for this. She wants to come out of her shell and have sex. She wants to share her love and share in love. She wants to have fun and be free in self-expression. She wants to give and express her beauty, her qualities of light, but she needs a loving receptivity.
She needs to know she will be recognized and loved. Only then will she come forth and shine in her radiance. Then, the inner beauty of the soul child expresses as the glory of the Goddess, for she manifests as the divine and is recognized as the Divine. Man needs to recognize the soul child of a woman, though he can also recognize this emerging soul child within himself, and give respect and recognition to that which is emerging from within.
Healing is
freeing the light withinEveryone has a greater light hiding within them, which wants to come forth into brilliance. This light is hiding within. It may be hiding out of some fear or because of previous unrecognition. It may be hiding or veiled for many reasons. It may be suppressed. But it is still there, in essence, hiding and awaiting recognition and expression. The light only emerges when love and trust are present, first present in that person's own attitude, but also needed in whomever is on the receiving end of this potential expression of light.
Healing is an allowing of the inner light to emerge into expression. It is the free unfoldment of the personal seed within, allowing that which is wanting and waiting to come forth into expression and actualization. Healing is basically relieving the frustrated light within, by allowing that light to come out to be and to dance. When the light within is freed to come out and express its many forms and qualities, then the person feels healed. There is, then, nothing holding them back, as the light is free to emerge in its own spontaneity and in its fullness of radiance. This is the fearless, uninhibited light, free because of a right attitude in mind.
Healing for ourself or for one's lover is the freeing of light and beauty that is, for some reason, held trapped within or is still hiding within. In spiritual teachings it is common to hear about the light within, the love within, the divine within. This is one of the most important truths to realize. But seldom does one hear about how the divine is often trapped within us. It's great to know that the divine light and love and beauty is within us. But what good is that, if it's all trapped within behind a closed door? Somehow, we need to find a key to this closed door and open it up – to free the divine light, love and beauty of our own divine soul, and to let it out from its inner prison.
For some people their inner divine love and beauty seems to be locked in the basement of their heart and not allowed out. For other people their inner divine love and beauty seems to be in hiding, in fear of coming out in the open. Each person needs to see which of these is true for them. Is one's divinity locked away and not allowed out, or is it actually hiding for some reason? Or perhaps one's divinity is simply too obscured or clouded over by so many practical concerns of life. However it is, and for whatever reason, one's next step has to be the letting out of what is within.
The way to do this is by deep penetrating perception and by recognition. Deep perception is like a searchlight into the unlit cave of oneself or of one's lover. Recognition is the discovery found there. The third necessary key is our love which will hold out a hand of welcome for the inner to come outward. There has to be a welcoming heart for the inner to emerge out from the cave, or from the locked basement, or out from hiding. Otherwise, she will be too fearful of emerging or too shy to reveal herself.
So first is the penetrating perception into what is truly divine in her. Second is the recognition of this, or the discovery. And thirdly is the love of allowing that will welcome her to emerge, to dance, to sing, to express the beauty of all she is within. Our love is what allows her, welcomes her, and receives her. She knows she is being seen, appreciated and welcomed with love. This is the way to help her feel free to emerge and to Reveal herself. This is her healing.
These inner beautiful parts of herself – hiding, or imprisoned, or obscured – are very often in some kind of fear or else timidness about coming out in the open to be revealed and seen. The imprisoned or hiding or obscured divinity is either fearful or shy about uncovering herself, revealing herself in the light. Afterall, she is so used to living in the hidden mystery within. So this is why she needs to first know she will be loved and appreciated. But the lover and healer has to show her this first, before she will come out unveiled to reveal her hiding beauty.
What the lover-healer does is to unveil her before she even has a chance to worry about it. He does this with his penetrating perception, which sees right through all of the usually obscuring layers and veils, to see right into the naked spiritual beauty of her divinity. With his power of penetrating perception the lover-healer cuts through the various layers or veils of her persona – often based on fear or shyness of her truth unveiling. So he unveils her with this power of perception, to really see her (which is the recognition).
She in turn realizes that she has been recognized. She realizes that she has already been unveiled and seen. At this point she will realize that the door to her hiddeness is already open and that she can might as well come out into freedom. But she still might not actually accept her unveiling and come out into freedom; unless the final key is presented – the final key of the welcoming heart of love. Once she sees that her inner beauty is being welcomed with love, as well as being unveiled and recognized; then she will let the rest of her beauty out from the cage, or out from the hiding. And perhaps she will even go further in her unveiling. Perhaps she will rip away all of her veils and let herself be free without any restrictions, allowing all of her spiritual and sensuous inner self to freely express. This would be her true freedom – and her true healing.
Recognizing love and being lovedThe man might recognize the spiritual quality and power of love in his woman. In the same manner, a woman might also recognize the spiritual quality and power of love in her man. Thus, the man can recognize love coming through the woman, just as the woman can recognize love coming through the man. Complementing this, the man can experience being loved by the woman, just as the woman can experience being loved by the man. The experience of being loved is the other side of recognizing love.
What is being discussed here is our experience of being loved; first to recognize the love coming from our lover, which can be especially powerful in the love ritual, and second to allow their love to sink into us, into our heart, and to let this heal us in a very deep way.
Love can be just as beautiful and powerful an experience for the man, as with the woman. The particular expressions of love may be somewhat different for the man and woman, due to their distinctly different body features, but the essence of the love experience is the same. This means that each can experience the essence of what the other experiences.
The difference is just that the man will experience being loved by a divine goddess of love, while a woman will experience being loved by a divine god of love. A man might experience himself as a Krishna being loved by the Goddess Radha; while a woman might experience herself as Radha being loved by the God Krishna. Krishna and Radha are both experienced as very sweet and tender lovers, making the lovers feel very close together, in both a sensuous and emotionally loving way. Or different goddesses and gods can be experienced. The man may perceive, through his woman, the goddess Radha or Parvati, or some other love goddess. He will perceive this Love Goddess through the eyes and expression and feelings of his lover.
A woman who is loving, or giving of her love, is manifesting and expressing the Divine Love (Love with a capital L), the very Love which comes from the One Divine Goddess – of Whom we all are. So for a man with tantra realization, a woman's love is the Universal Being personally loving him. So by way of the Divine Love expressing through one's lover, one is gifted to experience the Divine Love in a very personal manner. In other words, one is given a most beautiful and joyful experience of being personally loved by the Divine – as this Divine Love is expressing through one's lover.
Thus, the Divine Goddess of Love is expressing through the lover. It’s all right here. All of the Divine, all of the Goddess, all of the Love is right here. It just needs to be experienced and expressed; for these are the two sides of love: the experience of being loved and the expression of love. On the one hand is a receptive realization of being loved; then on the other hand is a giving expression of love. On one hand, the lover is receptively realizing the love being given and of being loved. Then on the other hand, the lover is loving or giving of love.
Whenever there is Love involved, either in the realized reception or in the giving, this is Love from the Goddess of Love. She is the giver of Divine Love; yet essentially She is Love Itself. Complementing the Goddess of Love is the God of Love, who is most often understood as Krishna, but others would argue that the God is Love is Shiva. Yet essentially, Shiva and Krishna are the same God – just different, unique reflections of the One God – Who in the most unqualified Essence is called Brahman, understood as the One Self before any qualifications or reflections, and even all of the Goddesses are included in this. Yet Brahman is without any qualified gender and thus could be called either God or Goddess, neither of which would be correct since Brahman is beyond gender and even beyond qualities.
All Goddesses and Gods are just different aspects and reflections, powers and qualities, of the One Self, Who is experiencing it all – experiencing the Dance, the Play, and the Love Dynamic of Tantra (which means divine relationships).
The woman may be expressing the feminine love goddess, or her man be expressing the masculine love god, yet both of these are the Universal Being Itself {as being Oneself}. Thus, we can recognize and even worship our God or Goddess, as coming through the love of our lover. This assumes, of course, that one's lover is actually allowing out or sharing the love which moves within, or that he or she is really and fully loving. But even so, we should be able to recognize some degree of love’s power coming from the lover, which is at least a portion the Whole Love within Universal Being.
Being loved by
the DivineA man or a woman can especially benefit in his or her heart by opening up to the Divine Love through the Goddess of Love. This is an inward feeling that is receptive to the Divine Presence of Love. It is wonderful if one is blessed with having a man or woman to be loved by – to be held in love by this lover person who is an individual presence of Divine Love, Goddess Love or God Love. This is truly a blessing to be grateful for. However, anyone can open up to and receive the Divine Love – receiving and being loved directly from the Divine Presence. This Love comes into one's heart, or it is realized through one's heart, without being dependent on anyone else.
So in other words, we can experience being loved by the Divine, which is an extraordinary experience of being loved directly by Divine Love, without necessarily having a love partner or another person to be loved by. Having someone special to be loved by {and to love} is truly a gift, but even without having a personal lover one can nonetheless experience being loved – by opening one's heart to the Divine Love that is always present for us. This Love will heal us and take care us. This Love is real.
Some people might experience this Divine Love as coming from God or from Allah, which are just two different names for the same Presence – which is not really male or female, but it's alright too if someone experiences this as a male love energy. Some other people might experience this Divine Love as coming from the Goddess, or even more particularly from the Goddess of Love. Both men and women can experience Goddess Love {Love from the Goddess}; just as both women and men can experience Love from God. And in any of these experiences, the Divine Love could be experienced either as a male kind of God love or as a female kind of Goddess love, or else experienced as just Love without any connotation of a gender kind of Source. Still other people might experience the Divine Love as coming from the Angel of Love, or maybe from one's Guardian Angel. So there are many possible ways to experience the Divine Love. Yet in essence, Whomever we feel is giving us this Love, the Love Itself is the same, and this Love is what heals our heart and nurtures our soul.
Thus, in the tantra, just as in all of life, there is no absolute need for a man or a woman to have an actual physical lover, in order to experience being loved. Having a physical sexual lover or love partner is certainly beautiful and can also be spiritually beneficial, but it's not absolutely necessary in order to experience and be healed by the power of Divine Love, or to experience being loved by the Goddess.
The Great Goddess of Love loves us. To love is her nature; it is Who She is. So from this Divine Love, this Source, we are loved. For Love continuously emanates from the very Being of Love, which is the Goddess of Love. She is always radiating out love. She is always loving us. Included in Her Love are also the qualities of care and healing. She loves us, and through this love She cares for us and is healing for us. Love and caring and healing are all deeply related. Caring and healing are part of the very experience of love. This Love, which is the Divine Love, or Love from the Goddess, is a wonderful experience, a magical experience, a healing experience.